Husband co sleeps with daughter and it bothers me.
So after 3 years of this co sleeping happening every weekend. I finally told my husband that he does not need to sleep with his daughter (my step daughter) she is 10 yrs old and he doesn’t need to. I said sleep with your wife you don’t need to sleep with your kid. He was soooo offended started arguing with me about it. He says, “ I never spend time with her, she’s my baby and I only have her on weekends, you don’t understand because you don’t love your kids like I do.” I don’t get his reaction of arguing and being mad with me and attacking me about my simple comment. I co slept with my 7yr old until he was around 4 he’s fine falling asleep on his own and likes to be in his bed alone. So I don’t get why he reacted this way and why it’s so hard to understand that I need him. Our sex life is no existent during the weekday because he is tired from work and on weekends he sleeps with his daughter so where is my time? Am I wrong? Anyone else in the same boat. Thank you so much! I needed to vent.
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I don’t get this co sleeping
I don’t get this co sleeping thing but that’s just me. You are sleeping; this does not equal quality time with your kids. DH has ss sleep in our room until he was 6. I told DH I was uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed so we put a mattress on the floor for ss. This lasted for a few months and then ss slept in his own bed after that because he wanted to be a big boy.
I agree it’s not quality time when they are sleeping.
glad you SS decided to be a big boy and sleep on his own. I know my step daughter can sleep alone just fine but will still ask dad to sleep with her just because she gets jealous.
This is a DH problem. He
This is a DH problem. He needs to handle it and tell ss that she needs to be a big girl and sleep in her bed.
Yeah this is a problem. She's
Yeah this is a problem. She's way too old for co sleeping. I dont even agree with cosleeping period. SD slept in DH's bed til she was about 4 and I put an end to it.
Your DH needs to realize this is detrimental to both your marriage and his child.
I hope so
I really hope he realizes that soon. I don’t know how I can continue like this.
Too old for that
Your SD is too old to be sleeping in the bed with her father. Your DH should know better. Do you know if she cosleeps with her mom as well? Either way, I would be concerned about her development as an adolescent. Does he do activities with her during the day?
Exactly she’s not a baby no more
She has her own bedroom at her mothers home. I ask her is she sleeps with mom at all and she said no because I’m a big girl and have my own room. I guess she doesn’t feel that way when she is with us and it’s because my husband treats her like a 2 year old. Yes during the day they cuddle together and watch movies, they play outside, and spent lots of time together more time than he does with our little one.
Something wrong with your DH
Can not understand why he doesn’t want to sleep with his wife. Sleep with DD is not spending quality time with her? I just do not get it
I’m as confused as you are
He said to me that maybe my parents didn’t love me enough because I didn’t understand why he needs to sleep with her when my dad never did that. Crazy. I’m just angry with his reaction and not understanding my view and how I see it.
So when does he intend to
So when does he intend to stop sleeping with her? When she's 18 and goes to college?
I asked him the same thing
And his answer was I will sleep with her until she allows me to maybe when she’s 20 30 or 40 she will always be my baby. Soo yeah he sees no wrong in that. Imagine when she’s a teenager how would that be okay.
This is even more disturbing!
This is even more disturbing! Really? Sleeping in the same bed as your 20 or 30 year old daughter? That's just plain WEIRD.
Yes, she was always be his "baby" as in his child. But she is not a baby. She will eventually be a grown woman. Yes I'm sure her future boyfriend and husband will really turn a blind eye to a grown woman sleeping in the same bed as her father.
Very weird and sees no wrong in that
I just hope she tells him to stop sleeping in her bed so he stops. I know they both sleeps very uncomfortable sleeping in her little twin bed. And I don’t get it. My dad spoiled me as a kid but I don’t ever remember the need for sleeping with him.
RUN!!!
get out now!
Start filing divorce papers.
Is he going to have the same attitude with your child? Honestly, at this point after what he’s said, I would sneak a nanny cam into their bedroom to see the true nature of his sleepovers with his 10 year old. Act like everything is normal, play along while processing divorce paperwork, and the second you see anything inappropriate, give a call to CPS and a copy to the biological mother. Then file a restraining order. Beyond being a piss poor, inadequate partner, shortchanging you when his skid comes over, this guy sounds like a trash ass perv.
*edit
Notice I said their bedroom by accident ! Damn shame! Yuck!!!
‘You don’t love your kids
‘You don’t love your kids like I do’, so sharing a bed with your kid beyond the age of being appropriate is somehow ‘love’? Ok man...
Im of the thought that loving your kids actually means boundaries, discipline & structure, not just endless enabling & giving them everything they want. That’s not ‘love’, it’s co-dependence bullsh*t.
Yes exactly how what he said
it’s nonsense I can’t belive half the things that flew out of his mouth. I agree 100% I love my 7 yr old boy dearly but I cannot baby him spoil him the way my DH is doing with my SD she will be a teenager soon and seeing how she can get away with anything and how much daddy babies her she is going to act out.
Gross. A 10-year-old girl
Gross. A 10-year-old girl should not be sleeping with her father anymore. Another father who is meeting his own needs at the expense of his child. Does he give her a little snuggle in the morning with his erection poking her in the back?
"You don't love your kids like I do"?! And he's a dirty fighter, too. Lovely.
I wouldn't want to have sex with this guy even if he did offer.
OP should ask him that exact question...
Her hubby sounds like a perv. If he doesn’t mean to, maybe he needs a reality check that his behavior sounds fucking weird as hell. She’s on the brink of puberty, grown men get morning wood, and he insists on sleeping in the bed with her? And claims it’s how he shows his “love”?? What the hell
Seriously. And we have 9-year
Seriously. And we have 9-year-olds on this board with full armpit hair, so at 10, she might be well into puberty.
Yes he does and he needs to hear me out
With how wrong this is I’m glad I’m not alone in this and I see how other people see it as wrong.
This is exactly what I thought
And it’s disgusting right. So how can he not see it! I’m going to talk to him again this time really make my opinion be heard and if he still doesn’t see a problem I’m going to take us to counseling before I leave this marriage. His hurtful words were way out of line he didn’t need to attack me the way he did over a simple comment.
LEAVE.
Considering the manipulative, undermining, gaslighting ways of his response, he’s most likely the type who will use counseling as a manipulative mechanism to keep you pacified and present the illusion that he’ll change. Dude said he’d be sleeping in the same bed with his daughter when she’s fucking 20, with two whole breasts and hips...When she’s FORTY prolly with a whole husband or significant other by then. He said he would cuddle his grown, fully developed daughter in bed with zero regard or concern for how that would make her partner feel. He’s a fucking weirdo. You’d probably be putting your own child in danger to keep him around.
Even intact families have issues with this
I would suggest putting a small mattress or sleeping bag in the room, and every couple of days, moving closer to the the hall, then into the hall, etc.
The thing is she can sleep fine on her own
she has her own bedroom at her moms house. She goes to sleepovers many times with her friends and also sleeps over at her grandparents just fine. It’s just when she’s home with us that my husband has not stopped this cycle of sleeping with her.
Hit him where it hurts...tell
Hit him where it hurts...tell him you sleep with him and knows he gets nocturnal and morning erections and it's wildly innappropriate for her to be in bed with him as a developing young girl for her emotional well-being. I fought the struggle too. SD was 8 when we met and co-sleeping, it took me a little less then a year but I made my disgust known and he did listen. Of course co-sleepin didn't happen in the intact marriage-it's a product of divorce kids thing-especially dads with daughters. I didn't say aything for a while but slowly started mentioning how odd it was. At the time he lived w/my MIL- so once he put a stop to it she just went to MIL's bed and she refused to go by his rules about no co-sleepign because she had to learn on her own...she slept w/her then or years. Oh well...at least not with daddeeee.
My brother and SIL allowed their DD also to sleep w/them as they never trained her to sleep on her own well and always gave into to her demands -not sure if it still happens now or not but I know it did when she was up to 5-6 yrs old at least..I remember telling my mom the same thing-they are crippling her- men get erections -it's gross!
Also play close attention to how much he ights back in this matter- my DH wasn't that bad and never said stuff like yours did...which is horrible and could well be an indication that your hell will not get better. They can resist some to make changes but must be willing to do them for their partner or they aren't a good person for you.
It’s been 3 yrs of this co sleeping
and I had to say something about it. I wish my husband would of heard me out instead of attacking me. I can say I will try to speak my thoughts again and hope he understands it’s not normal and it make me uncomfortable. Last resort is therapy so we can get past this.
Dang CG...let it go! They
Dang CG...let it go! They are right, plenty of couples go through dry spells-for us it's sometimes a couple weeks or more if health is at stake....the issue is the dads innapropriate sleeping and comments defending himself here.
CG, what is it with you
CG, what is it with you reading any blog or forum and picking a very small sentence or piece of a blog and magnify it and focus on it a disturbing amount? All while ignoring the actual topic at hand. In this case, that topic is the absolute inappropriateness of a father cosleeping with a possibly pubescent daughter.
Do you all really believe
Do you all really believe this story?
I dont.
Useless comment.
...okay? And???
So what’s your point? Because you wanna play know-it-all online, you expect everyone else to follow your lead and let a mother with a potentially serious conflict at home struggle in her situation? If you don’t believe the situation (which is foolish; anything is possible), then you could just glance at the forum and move along with your day instead of trying to start a bandwaggon of users who brand the OP as a liar.
Oh and FYI, it’s people like you who keep sexual abuse victims/victims of abuse in general in silence because what’s occurred in their journey is so outrageous that someone will surely be in utter disbelief and try to convicnce others they’re lying.
Yes Courious Georgetta
Yes Courious Georgetta
I believe the story.
I believe the story.
10 isn't THAT old, and I can see a young 10-year-old not seeing anything wrong with having Daddy sleep with her.
If the kid was 16, I wouldn't believe it, but I totally believe this. I also believe someone would marry this guy and go on to have more kids with him, and not address the issue for 3 years, because we see that type of passivity from people on this board all the time. I'm not sure she saw him as a "possible pervert" 3 years ago when SD was 7.
I believe it as well. I can
I believe it as well. I can see how someone could get into a situation with someone not knowing something like this could become an issue. We don’t know if he’s always coslept with her every single night, or if he’s started increasing the cosleeping to avoid intimacy as CG is insisting, or if it’s a combo of the two.
The kid isn’t the problem, she likely doesn’t see an issue with it. Look at the number of girls posters write about who still sit on their dads laps, or even wrap their legs around their dads at inappropriate ages. I’m sure none of them see the big deal.
That doesn’t mean it’s not inappropriate. I’m not saying he’s a pervert who’s molesting his daughter, but he’s absolutely got inappropriate attachments to his daughter. Wanting to cosleep into her 20’s & 30’s is abnormal. OP’s DH needs therapy. A lot of therapy...
I believe it too, DH has been
I believe it too, DH has been sleeping in SD room for months now ,she’s 11 and I do not think of him as a pervert , but I believe emotional incest exist.
I am ALL for co-sleeping. I
I am ALL for co-sleeping. I co-slept with all of my children to the age of 18 months to 3 years, and I’ve gotta say...
a male adult sleeping in the same bed as a 10-year-old girl is icky AF. He needs to stop that ASAP. Get himself into therapy, and apologize to you for reacting like an absolute child. That defensiveness out of him? Yeah, no. No no no nope. Dude needs to get a grip.
GROSS. at 10 my mom pulled me
GROSS. at 10 my mom pulled me aside to tell me I had armpit hair and boobs and we had to go bra and razor shopping.
I know girls who have started mentstruating at 10.
Call Child protective services on your husband and make him think it was someone from SD's school (it's anonymous). If one of my students was 10 and said dad slept with her CPS would be investigating in a HEARTBEAT.
Adding: It would be extremely
Adding: It would be extremely unfortunate to have to involve CPS and/or the child’s school. That in itself could bring on a slew of unfavorable, time-wasting interactions with social workers that would most likely result in a whole lot of nothing.
One would HOPE that bringing it to the child’s mother would be enough to stop the co-sleeping arrangement dad is so adamant to keep going.
But, I get it. DH was co-sleeping with skid when we met. She was around 5/6 years old. I witnessed it as very unhealthy actually, because he was super into that attachment with her - and BM was pushing it to happen, too. In knowing BM, she most likely thought this would keep DH from ever being intimate with another woman, in the long run.
It did pose to be an issue once we started dating and got serious. At one point, BM put a sobbing skid on the phone with DH, stating how sad she was that he no longer slept on her bed with her on visitations. It was so gross and was the catalyst of opening DH’s eyes to all of the unhealthy attachment and expectations.
So, yeah. That’s just an example that some bio mom’s will be immune to call-out and shaming, because she most likely wants dad to continue it as well.
Skid here got her menstrual at 10. At that point, sitting on DH’s lap and him calling her “baby” came to a screeching halt.