Move away custody case
I never thought I would be posting to this forum - I never thought I'd face a lot of things I've experienced in a blended family - but here am I.
I'm seeking opinions based on the facts I'm about to present, and not based off my feelings towards my SO, his child (SD8), or her mother.
SD8 was born and raised in SF, where I was also born and raised, and where her father and I, and her mother, all live now. Her parents are originally from Canada and all their family remain abroad. Her dad and I are in the same career field, and most job opportunities are in the Bay Area. For that reason, and my strong family and community ties, we plan on staying in the Bay Area for the forseeable future.
Recently, BM accepted a job in a nearby state, and wants to take SD with her. Their original custody arrangement was done through mediation, and the agreement states that if one parents moves, they need to try to mediate a new agreement before going thru the courts. I guess BM didn't think dad would agree to her having primary custody (he doesn't) so she is claiming domestic violence (something she has never complained about before and would a woman fearing for her life ask us to cover for her all the time when she had business trips during her custody weeks?) as a reason that she should take primary custody.
We have been told that the courts "don't take kindly" to this kind of legal tactic to avoid mediation and disturbing the peace, ripping SD from her father (BM also filed a temporary restraining order). What this means exactly, we're not sure. The unfortunate truth of the matter is that dad does have a first offence DUI conviction from 2018 and hasn't had steady employment for a year and a half, and while I have no experience with this, even if the courts "don't take kindly" to mom's game, I suspect the courts will still find in her favor based on the DUI and unemployment?
thoughts?
Forgot to add they were on a
Forgot to add they were on a week on/week off schedule, and BM, when she told dad about the move, said her new job would support maintaining this 50/50 parenting. I said that was ludicrous, how could she realistically come back every other week and told him that they needed to go back to mediation for a new custody agreement. He proposed, she said heck no, bc she already had this court order planned, as he was served soon after.
Courts in CA frown upon move
Courts in CA frown upon move away cases-that is to say, without getting into the nuances of each individual case. If your SO has joint legal and physical custody, it is extremely difficult for a parent to move away with the kid(s). What happens is the court will not rule on whether the parent can move, but rather if the kids can move. In addition, the courts will oftentimes rule on a change of custody at that point also, so it becomes risky to the parent trying to move. Adding to the fact the other parent has signigicant physical custody as well, and utilizes it, it is near impossible. Keep in mind, I say that with all cases created equally. There are a great deal of parents (usually BMs) that assume they can just pick up and leave because they are the primary custodial parent, when in fact that is not true. Precedence is based on two cases, one in the 90s and the other in the 2000s. The latter was a case where the BM tried to move in an effort to impede the relationship between the kids and the BD. The court, understanding her game, ruled against her. The family courts in CA are not blind when it comes to the motives of these BMs, especially when they have remarried or moved on to greener pastures so to speak. They do not like seeing young kids uprooted, taken out of state, and their relationships disrupted. What I can not attest to is the soundness of your SO as a parent. Unless there is hard evidence of the abuse, I doubt the courts will take too much of it into account, and again, BM risks it backfiring. They have seen and heard it all in these cases. The more pressing issue would be how BD expects to support his kid(s).
Thank you, that is very
Thank you, that is very informative. They both had equal custody, week with us, week with mom...and each responsible for everything during their own weeks. One could argue DH is the more active involved parent - he also has the time of course... The only things truly on record for DH are his DUI and unemployment. Assuming everything else is in his favor, are those enough to lose custody? I know it's hard to say...
You are correct. No one can
You are correct. No one can truly say what they will or will not do, only what they've been known to do. If DH has not already tried to mitigate the DUI damage, he needs to start. I don't know what that looks like for him, but alot of people attend AA or therapy or even rehab regardless of whether this is a one time event or he actually has a substance abuse problem. The unemployment is a whole other issue in and of itself. They will want to know how he plans to support his kid(s). Temporary unemployment happens and it shouldn't affect the relationship bonds, but if this is a long standing issue, that's another thing. Of course, he needs to consult with counsel and he needs to file a motion to object to the move away. It will appear pretty curious when they see she is claiming domestic abuse at the very moment she is trying to move. I dont understand these BMs getting jobs and plannig moves before coming to an agreement with custody. It just doesnt work that way in CA anymore, not to mention it is pretty selfish.
Considering that the CO is
Considering that the CO is issued in California I would be surpised if a California Judge would allow BM to move and take SD with her. I would suggest that you have a killer attorney on retainer, and go for blood when this crap gets to court. DH should set up a scheduled mediation and have the mediator contact BM so that BM has to officially refuse mediation which will be a great stick to beat the shit out of her with in court.
DH also needs to file a defamation suit agains BM for the bullshit abuse claims.
I have no tolerance for this kind of manipulative bullshit from the toxic blended family opposition and made destroying them legally, financially and socially my favorite sport for the 16+ years we lived under a Custody/Visitation/Support CO. Even when my DW ran out of steam in fighting with the SpermClan. I made sure they got smacked with consequences any time they even twitched out of alignment with the CO or pulled any other manipulative crap.
Go for blood and don't stop until you either win or BM knocks off her bullshit.
Good luck.
Gosh, this whole thing has
Gosh, this whole thing has been such a roller coaster so far, up and down feeling optimistic then pessimistic. More googling affirms the courts favor in the best interests of the child and maintaining stability, which would be in DH's favor. However he still remains unemployed. Can he have primary physical custody and BM be ordered to pay child support?
i'm also sad we weren't more knowledgeable about this from the start. When BM first told us she planned to move (she didn't mention SD at the time), sounds like DH should have immediately scheduled mediation of a new custody agreement instead of just demanding she put her new schedule on the shared google calendar. Obviously she never did it and here we are. I suspect that DH presumed her move would be some easy way for him to get primary custody without going thru the court bc he assumed BM just wanted to run off and let him pick up the slack (and he was willing). I kept telling him anyone who watched Marriage Story knows mom always has a plan - don't get blindsided like dad! He said he didn't want things to "get messy". Nailed it -___-
BM's with felonies and no job
BM's with felonies and no job can get custody of kids.....Let that sit right there. Happens more than you know.
Your boyfriend (correct) can tell the courts he does NOT support a move.
Site the following,:
Child is stable.
Child has significant and profound bond to bio father (correct==its bm who wants to move)
Child has established bonds with friends in neighborhood and school.
Child has bonds with church family. Do what Bm's do, find a church and lie thru your teeth. What can I say...dont forget to beg for money too....again what can I say.
, child has bond with SO family and extended family. Childs grades are stable. Child has bond with YOU the girlfriend put a ring on and say your getting married.
Here is where is may be difficult. Has the child voiced the desire to move? Moving can be exciting for kids especially so far away.
If kid is a teen you might be sunk.
Talk it over with your lawyer about the 'reasons' I provided to give courts WHY child should stay put with you.
Dads a grown man,,,having a DUI is shameful. Might be used against him by bm. Not sure if Judge will use it against him.
But, BM's can have felonies and no jobs AND walk away with custody. So it is a toss up.
GoodLuck
Yes he has been complaining
Yes he has been complaining about that mother bias...even his own mother said "she's the mom. Kids just end up with their mom"
i don't condone dad, but that is a discussion for another time.
thank you for your suggestions. I will relay them on
It's tough to know. It 100%
It's tough to know. It 100% depends on the judge and his/her biases.
If it happened here, for sure, BM would be driving off into the sunset with SD. Other courts are less woman-biased and might not take kindly to BM suddenly claiming DV after having 50/50 for all this time. A DUI 5 years ago doesn't make you unstable, and being unemployed right now won't mean bupkis.
Get a decent attorney if he can afford one, and give it a try. Just set your expectations low.
I've heard our courts are
I've heard our courts are father friendly. But still just hear say.
Afford? Debateable. He ponied up the retainer fee but only by digging into his 401k. No income for 1.5 years remember. I have been holding down the fort, but I believe I need to look out for myself/our future and not spend any of my money on this.
i'm exhausted