Co-parenting apps
Hi all,
In late March, I posted about a DVRO/move-away request that bio mom pulled on DF ("dear fiance", is that a thing? I just want an abbreviation easy to type.) As timing would have it, he was served right before the SIP order was mandated in the Bay Area, so we've had lots of time to sit at home and work on this. (Long story short, mom got a job in Washington, wants to move SD with her, accusing dad of DV against her, and by extension their daughter is not safe with dad.)
I just have to say, those of you that make co-parenting/step-parenting work are freaking rock stars. I was already sick and tired of being in a 3some with DF and his ex-wife, and this legal debacle certainly didn't make it any better.
ANYWAY, here we are almost 2 and a half months later and DF is not backing down. He's hired a lawyer, been doing his legal HW, etc etc. For many reasons (mom is cheap, SIP and COVID19 slowing everything down, dad's not backing down, etc), the opposing counsel is giving indications that they are starting to see that this could take a while and be expensive (NO SH*T), and as biomom wants to move in the Fall, she proposed a settlement. Which I am completely irate about bc SHE dragged us down this sh*thole. Dad currently only gets 2 hrs Facetime and 4 hours in-person visitation each week, SUPERVISED by mom's friend, but now in her settlement proposal, she says they will maintain their current week-on-week-off schedule (so SD's safety is only a concern if it doesn't cost mom an arm a leg to fight for). Not to mention she has said nothing about how this would occur. In essence her proposal is saying "Just kidding about all the DV stuff! Let me have primary custody of SD and I'll drop the charges!"
At any rate, I'm here to ask a couple questions:
1. Do any of you use those co-parenting apps like "Our Family Wizard" or "Talking Parents?" Are they useful? Basically, DF wants a neutral, safe way to speak with mom from now on.
2. Biomom and dad used to be really flexible with changes in the schedule (much to my annoyance, and I always told him it would bite him in the butt!! - he finally admitted I was right). After all this, and esp with mom living in another state, this flexibility is out the window. But stuff happens, and I'm sure we're going to have to ask for changes once in a while. How do you guys approach this? What kind of rules do you have set forth for requesting changes? (Timing, mode of communication, etc...?)
DH uses OFW. He proposed this
DH uses OFW. He proposed this at a previous mediation and BM refused because she still wanted to be able to talk to him every.single.day. So, at that time, they moved to only contact in writing. Then at the next mediation, BM's lawyer suggested OFW as if it was a new idea. DH's lawyer said, "great, he's already suggested that, so he's totally on board." Now, they use it, but it hasn't really cut down on conflict. BM still sends her crazy, raging, long email responses and DH sends one-sentence answers. But, at least it's a record that he is responding, which is always BM's complaint...although really, he's under no obligation to respond, even their agreement doesn't require a response.
From the sound of your situation, OFW will make it easier to collect records of correspondence for legal purposes, but it will not be a "neutral" way for the two of them to interact.
No, we did not use MFW.
No, we did not use MFW.
Our CO was issued in the dark ages long before there was such a thing... or at least.... we never were aware of it. My DW was the CP in our blended family adventure. The CO established a long distance visitation schedule of 9wks per year until SS started school (6Wks summer, 1wk fall (in our area of residence), 1wk winter, 1wk spring). They never took the Fall visitation. When he started Kindergarten which is full time in Texas visitation adjusted to 7wks per year (5wks Summer, 1wk Winter, 1wk Spring)
Since my DW was awarded full physical and legal custody upon birth as a single teen mom and had left SpermLand for college visitation travel was split between my DW and the SpermClan. Each was responsible for the travel costs to get SS to their location.
I mention this to highlight that , DH's lawyer needs to try to nail her ass for all of the travel costs whether she is the CP or the NCP.
Good luck in all of this. BM is playing a game and time is running out. DH standing firm and going to war with her is why she and her attorney are changing tactics. Time for DH to turn up the heat and go for BM's throat. She can move, but... he should not agree to letting her take his kid. That will test her resolve and her commitment to her kid. If she leaves for the job if DH gets custody... that will tell the story on her priorities.
While I generally would say that no one should let an X interfere in their life and opportunities, if I did have a kid and my X tried to frame me for DV, attempted to take my kid, and initiated a bullshit attempt to get custody I would make that X's destruction my sole life long hobby for all eternity. And... I would do everything in my power and use every legal, financial, reputational, and public humiliation tool at my disposal to ruin the life of that X.
And that... is what I recommend that your DH do.
Own her ass, destroy her professionally, legally, socially and never let her get back on her feet. Ever. DH needs to add a defamation suit and any other consequence he can apply based on her bullshit and lies..... working with his attorney..... of course.
Grrrrr!
if I did have a kid and my X
yup, this is where he's at. Thank you for your comments. They shared 50-50 custody and the decent thing to do would have been to talk it out first instead of just running in, guns blazing. Plus she's complaining this is taking too long and going to delay her move-away plans - uh, hello!! Did she think this was going to be quick?? I just can't even with this woman.
We use OFW with the beaver
We like OFW as Beaver used to claim..she didn't get the email, text, smoke signal, whatever. OFW has a nice little feature that shows you opened it. Her next tactic was to claim she could open the emails in OFW on her phone but not attachments. We solved that by having OFW support contact her. 2 birds one stone....fix the problem if there was one, provide proof through a support request that we attempted to solve her problem. **insert rolling of the eyes***
Our usage of OFW was ordered by the GAL since even she figured out Beaver wanted attention and didn't want to comply with anything.
Well played! Golf Clap.
Well played!
Golf Clap.
UPDATE
Mom's not moving - THEY SETTLED. And save for some alcohol monitoring to address the DUI, they're basically just resuming their previous custody schedule.
A positive, but anti-climactic end to this nonsense. Thanks for screwing with our lives on a whim, you BABOON.
Great outcome. Is the
Great outcome. Is the settlement going to be signed and ordered by a Judge so it has some teeth?
If not, it is useless and BM will get to play her usual games.
Yes indeedy! And listening to
Yes indeedy! And listening to his ex swear to the judge that she is withdrawing the DVRO and move-away requests freely and voluntarily, under no duress was both LOL and WTF.