You are here

BM ignores the agreement and SS is the next Tiger Woods

strugglingSM's picture

Tonight, SS calls DH and asks if he can pick them up tomorrow for visitation weekend. If anyone has read my past blogs, they know that BM is supposed to drive SSs to our house on the Friday of visitation weekends, but always has some excuse as to why she can't or some reason why she thinks DH should pick them up. With all this in mind, DH tells SS, "I can't, but your mother can just bring you by later." SS replies that she can't because she left for Mexico that morning. So, DH emails her through OFW and says, "if you are unable to drop the boys off because you are going to be out of the country, I would appreciate it if you would let me know instead of having our child ask me." DH also asks if SSs are going to be staying home alone overnight while BM is away. 

BM replies and says, "If it's really a big deal that they be dropped off, I can arrange for someone to do it." And then goes on to say that she has the kids ask because she prefers not to communicate with DH. She also tells him that it's none of his business what the kids do at her house (duly noted, BM...will remember that, the next time you demand to know what goes on at our house) and 15 is old enough to be left alone overnight (for an entire week?). 

Then, because BM can't resist, she sends DH this long message about how she's bought Skids a car and once they can drive it will be their choice if they come to DH's house (DH already told them they don't have to come, BM has now insisted, because she has a new boyfriend and wants them out of the house EOWE). She also talks about what hard workers they are and how they've been saving up money for a car (the other SS, I guess, who will not take the car that BM bought for them). And how BM will match whatever they save. They don't work, so not sure how they are saving all this money other than the "allowance" BM gives them. 

Then she tells DH that one SS is already being scouted for a golf scholarship and "the only thing he wants is to go to university and play golf." Too bad what really happened was that the coach told SS that if he played well, he might be able to go to the state tournament and college scouts would be there (this was how it was relayed to MIL by BM)....not that SS was already being scouted. I've seen him play...he's okay and better than high school kids who haven't taken a million lessons (like he has), but he's not a phenom. Skids live in a working class town (and the team plays against other working class towns), so there aren't that many kids who have had access to golf lessons, unlike the affluent towns nearby where kids have been going to fancy golf tournaments since age 6. Also, too bad SS only takes remedial English (currently reading at a 6th or 7th grade level in the 10th grade) and therefore could not go to any state schools in the area because he doesn't meet the entrance requirements and would not likely score enough on the SATs to play college sports. Also, too bad, BM badmouthed and publicly named the manager of the local golf course on the community FB page because she was convinced that he wasn't allowing high school matches because he was too interested in money. She basically copied and pasted their email exchange where she accused him of lying about how "current health and safety requirements" meant he wasn't allowing high school golf tournaments and how she was happy to help him secure sponsorships because "clearly this was about money." 

BM was telling DH all this because she wanted to say that she was "proud of" SSs the implication being that DH is not. This was all in response to nothing and DH will not be replying. I'm so over this woman and so over her children who come into my house and tell DH he is "lying" based on her word and badger him for money because he "owes them" according to BM. 

Comments

shamds's picture

Unemployed and relying on cs to fund her lifestyle. Golf membership and lessons aren't cheap. 
 

my husband plays golf but he's in upper management and plays it with his ceo, deputy ceo of his company and other high ranking people. 

during divorce bio mums either was sole custody for max cs or they claim they're too busy and its too much work to care for all. If its option 1, once divorce is finalised and they get a new toyboy lover, they aim to get rid of skids by any means necessary as such an inconvenience but they must still collect cs

strugglingSM's picture

In this case, BM has plenty of money. She's good at hiding her income when it comes time to calculate CS (she works as an acccountant), but she makes more than DH and I combined. MIL also pays for a lot of golf. Despite this, the kid is not remarkable at golf and I don't think he'll be recruited to play through his third tier, small high school golf team.

bearcub25's picture

My DD was a very good basketball player.  She was recruited by a lot of smaller, in-state colleges but not D1 schools.  Also there was no full ride schollys being talked about.  They were all about 1/2 or a little more in scholly monies.

She ended up walking away from playing as she was burnt out but she had enough schollys with her grades and by attending a local large, in-state university, her tuition was 100% covered.

But that is for my state, which is small and may not be the case for larger states with more schools and opportunities.

tog redux's picture

Lol.  That's the stuff we learned to laugh at. Too bad your CO is worded as it is - it should have DH picking up for his time and her picking up at the end of the weekend. That ends these kinds of withholding shenanigans. 

strugglingSM's picture

She'd pull the same BS if she was supposed to pick them up at the end of the weekend. Before I met DH she used to call him on Sunday and tell him that her "flight was cancelled" or she had "an early morning meeting" so he had to keep SSs through Monday. He used to take the day off from work to accommodate her. That's when ex husband #2 was her "new boyfriend". 

justmakingthebest's picture

I would double check state laws on SS being left overnight. This is my state:

11-12 years old may be ready to be left unsupervised up to 3 hours during daylight and early evening hours. 13-15 years old may be ready to be left unsupervised more than three hours but not overnight. 16 years old and older may be ready to be left unsupervised overnight for one to two days, with a plan in place.

I would pick SS up (I am sure your DH already has) but then report her to the police. Leaving the country and leaving your teen unattended is unacceptable. Was there food in the house for the week? Did he have transportation? What was her "plan"? Who else was aware of this "plan'?  I would do my best to make sure she had charges against her when she got back. But I am spiteful as hell... So maybe don't listen to me! LOL

strugglingSM's picture

I will look that up. She claims that someone will be there with them most of the time, but also said that they were old enough to be left overnight for one or two nights, so I suspect that's already happened. If someone is staying with them now, why can't that person bring them to our house?

Ex husband #2 had a son and he used to be left at home alone when BM and that guy went away for the weekend. I think he was 13 when he first moved in with BM. BM used to ask DH if he would also take the stepbrother for his weekends and DH said no way!

strugglingSM's picture

I checked and my state has now laws governing the age at which a child is old enough to be left alone.

strugglingSM's picture

No, because my state doesn't have any laws governing at what age children can be left alone.

My DH dropped them off last night and thinks they might be staying alone. He told them he wasn't mad if they were staying alone, but asked them if they were. Their response, "Um, no, there will probably be someone coming by." He told them they could call him if they needed anything and told them to be responsible. I told him that I think this will start to be a regular thing for them and he might want to have a more detailed conversation with them about staying out of trouble. DH is not as bothered about it as I am and figures it would just be a fight if he questioned BM. They are not my kids, so other than telling DH that I think they are too young to be alone for that long and suggesting that he be straight with them about how to stay out of trouble, I can't do much. 

strugglingSM's picture

As an update, SS didn't make the state tournament. He didn't even come close. He finished 24th at the district tournament where only the top 5 go on to the state tournament. Also, the "college recruiter" who had been calling him was a "service" that charges thousands of dollars to supposedly help you get noticed by college recruiters. We know this because DH got an email from this service sharing "information" after he supposedly missed a call. We know he didn't do well in the tournament because MIL was told about it (probably BIL, too) and she told DH. DH didn't hear anything about it until after the fact. Then MIL complained to DH that she never knows about anything.