I think it's more of an "I realize I have poured my soul into this blended family thing and now I gotta get me back" cycle.

That's what I am feeling today, anyway.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

lol I have noticed that too! And trying to get input on something other then "My skid is a BRAT! And I want them to disappear" seems impossible.
The guys have been resurfacing though! Thats cool!

No. I hate BM every day and the skids are getting worse each visit. So I stay the same.

Yeah I think its the "free me, im free" cycle is going on right now. But I have noticed the other cycles. Thankfully my life seems to pick up steam and Im not on much around the bitter pick fights and rip each other cycles. Im not a good fighter.

I don't like the I hate my skid cycle. I don't think I've torn anyone apart about it, just giving my perspective. And I can only give my perspective from the way I see it, thru my eyes. Who knows, when they're teenagers I may feel differently...but I just can't understand it.

If I wrote a blog that said "I hate my daughter. She is a bitch from hell and I can't stand her stinky ass and I will be so glad when she leaves this house, I'm counting down the days!"

What impression would that give off? Yes I get frustrated with the skids, and even my own kids. Yes I say things out of anger....but to sit here and type out how you're thinking/feeling takes some thought...and if I really sat here and thought about it, I don't hate my children, and I don't hate my skids. And I would feel horribly aweful typing something like that out.

But that's just my opinion.

___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

I'm never in the "i hate my skid" cycle. I don't hate her..just her actions.

I'm frequently a member of the "i hate bm cycle" and just for today I was on the "i hate Dh cycle" but I think I resolved it fairly quick so far.

So my rag is all over the place...gross...

i will also be a full participant in the "I WILL take up for someone I've known for a while if they are being beaten up by someone who barely knows them." I will never back down from that.

I'm also on the cycle of, "when things get vicious, break the cycle with a stupid humorous comment"

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

"If they sold clues at Walmart,I'd be first in line to get one for DH" ~the lovely Jbee~

How about the "hate the situations that got each and every one of us here" cycle? I know if x had been "into" his family instead of picking up trash that he couldn't put down on his route, then maybe.............................?

**Ionly have one shot at a truly great life and not one spent waiting for a man to notice me, want me, love me and be true to only me. 2010 is the year of "me" **

This site for sure has a "rag" all of it's own. And yes, I think that once a certain subject is focused on, everyone tends to jump in and give their thoughts and experiences. It is kind of the point of the site really. I don't care for the "I hate my step kids" cycles that we seem to have, and it does bring out the argumentative side of people. I think because stepmoms are branded EVIL from the get go, and we have a lot of lurkers... possible BM's, it stirs a pot that is not really 100% how we FEEL, but more VENTING than anything else. It will pass... it always does.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

i think that usually we go from a tear each other apart...to the bm's are causing lots of drama...i think that ive read a bunch today about bm's starting shit again....and i think that the tear each other apart before hand was due to many members being high stressed because they knew shit would soon be hitting the fan.

Did you ever notice the cycle, "What is wrong with this site?? Why is everyone being this way?" *giggles* sorry I had to poke fun Don't hurt me!!!! it's a joke:)

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

"If they sold clues at Walmart,I'd be first in line to get one for DH" ~the lovely Jbee~

I think of it like this.

Really bad BM, DH, skids cycle.
Vent on here.
Get really good advice, kind words and we work really hard on detaching and letting it roll.
After a few months of trying to be the adult, we crack and can't keep it up.
The cycle starts again.

That is the beauty of ST. We can all reign each other back in.

I don't ever think BM is doing better or growing up, it is more my ability to let it go until I can't do it anymore, KWIM.

Maybe there are cycles but such is life in general. I don't hate my stepson or BM or anyone because "hate" is such a strong word. But yes, there are moments when I am more tolerant or able to cope with the stepfamily dynamic and other times when I am not, like now. I admitted to my FH that my nerves are raw as of late due to many factors. My SS is reverting to behavioral and attitudes past for reasons unknown at this time and given my current low tolerance for any bullsh*t from him or my own daughter, I am far more likely to erupt than to suppress my thoughts. At least I am aware of these changes in my tolerance levels and can adjust my levels of exposure to these annoyances by retreating to bed or say, taking myself to the sushi bar

Some of us (me)do not have the talent to express ourselves eloquently through blogs. I rely on this website for people to validate my thoughts and feelings. And the differences are extremely enlightening. But I must say, I don't hate my skids, I just dislike them, or as my mother used to say, "you don't hate anyone, you dislike their ways" and I truly dislike their ways. And lately my DH is completely getting on my nerves, it comforts me to know others are having the same thoughts and feelings. I'm not so weird, it's not just me, I'm not crazy... Thank you all!

I have to say that just now stumbling across your blog I see a whole nother chapter........I hate my skids.

vs.......I hate the BM.

Me, I don't hate either. That's why I'm still here. I want to try to help people find a way to appreciate the BM for being a mother to the kids that the person now has in their life, even if she sucks.

I want to help people appreciate these kids that are nothing but a victim of their situation.

I want to help people realize that kids is nothing but how you raise them, don't hate the kid, hate the raiser. That's the only reasons I'm still here.

There are blogs that I have to bypass because I just can't read them. I just cant, if I do I know the response that I will give. So instead I chicken out and don't read them. Kindave shitty of me, because I could be helping. Instead I'm bowing out, as I once told you that you have to do to make it here.

I'm glad that you drew attention to this........no matter where it goes.

I have never once said that I hate my skids or even their BM for that matter. I don't enjoy living with the skids and don't really like them much, but I do not hate them. I despise BM and I can't stand to look at her, and don't want anything to do with her, but I still can not say I hate her...LOL She's about as close as she can get without being hated, but I don't hate her. I try not to hate anyone. To me, that is a word that should be used with caution.

I think everyone can use constructive criticism and I welcome anyone's advice or opinions, however when people are just plain mean, disrespectful and rude about delivering it then they are opening themselves up for fire. You can disagree with someone without being vicious. It is completely uncalled for to jump someone for what they say on here. This is supposed to be a refuge to do just that. If people would just start ignoring the stuff they don't approve of instead of going on the attack then things might be a little more peaceful. Offer advice respectfully if you have any to give and ignore the posts that make you want to call CPS. People need to get things off their chest sometimes and sometimes doing that will help prevent a blow-up in their own personal life. People respond to negative posts about the skids because it is something they have in common. They share "war stories". Having something in common brings people together.

One thing I will admit to is blaming BM for all my problems because she is at the root of nearly all of them. Our financial issues are her fault. We had to drain our savings and max out credit cards to pay for attorneys to get those girls away from her and her child molesting boyfriend. We still haven't been able to catch up. We constantly have to look over our shoulders to make sure she isn't around the next corner as she isn't allowed contact with the girls. And those girls living with us has been a HUGE strain on our marriage. They have been raised under her lying, ungrateful, manipulative hand and act just like her. They constantly hold their hands out and want to know what you can do for them, but never show appreciation and are constantly lying. I don't just mean little lies about when they mess up. They make up blatant lies and tell them to family and teachers and they back each other up on them. Thanks to BM and her wonderful influences. Their behavior and our financial situation is a direct result of BM and her lifestyle. Both of which cause huge fights between my husband and I.

"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere

I don't think I have ever thought to myself "I hate my skids", I do dislike thier behavior in some area's that they exhibit sometimes, but I always try to think about ways to correct it rather than dweling on things I cannot change like who they are.

In my situation too I think about how thier fathers have been largely non-existant to them since me and thier mother go together, so really I'm all that they have, and we really dont have to deal with any BS concerning thier BF, so in that regard our lives are a little easier than some.

Once for a two month period our house was completely devoid of ANY entertainment devices (TV's computers cellphones game systems EVERYTHING) because all three of them weren't doing what they were supposed to in school or around the house. Now all I really have to do to get them to do what they are supposed to is mention how bored they were and I have absolutely no problem getting them to do what they are supposed to (well except for school work sometimes)

NO is a powerfull word and from reading a lot of the posts here it seems to me that a lot more parents need to learn to use it more frequently.

Or when a kid asks to be able to do something or for you to get them something you dont always have to say NO right away but respond with your own questions: Did you finish your shores? How were your grades on your report card? etc. and they can usually answer the question for themselves.

The most important thing though is to come to an understanding with your spouse about expectations of the behavior of the SK/BK's and STICK TO IT, no matter what. Things will never get better unless that happens.

Hate and name calling bashing people has never accomplished anything ever except to make people mad and more uncooperative.

I agree with Crizzle , while it sounds harsh for people to say such negative things about their skids THIS is where they do it. If everything was so great why would they be on here in the first place? A lot of times for me being able to vent keeps me from blowing up and often makes me realize that the issue I am upset about is not that important. I understand "hate" is a strong word but in most cases I think it's a persons emotions speaking. And, if a person truly does HATE their skids they probably feel like crap about it and this would be a good place for them to get advice and help w/o being made to feel worse. I know it took a lot for me to openly say that I do not like one of my skids. I don't hate him but I don't like him very much and it makes me feel terrible. He's a child (14), I'm an adult. I should be able to look past his cruddy behavior but sometimes I can't.