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Dreamt Last Night...

StepUltimate's picture

.. okay technically it was this morning. I had a dream me & DH were at some gathering of friends at a public venue, and DH got really mad at me & was raging at me. A police officer heard, came over, and DH was even angrier as he got taken away (arrested?), blaming me.

After he was gone, I felt ashamed & guilty. But the other people who were there & had witnessed the whole scene all told me it wasn't my fault... and I felt so relieved. 

When I woke up, I told DH about the dream; he told me he didn't like it and that he would never do that. I'm thinking, "You already did that, numerous times... just not in public."


justmakingthebest's picture

StepUltimate... You sound like you are in an (at minimum) verbally abusive marriage. I don't know if I realized that before. 

I think this dream is really telling you something you needed to be reassured about- His behavior is not your fault and that you need to be away from it. 

My 2nd marriage started out with just the verbal, then he wouldn't yell at me in public- but he would get down in my face, say something evil and  then leave. Leave me stranded, sometimes with my kids. I was so embaressed and had to call a taxi. I made excuses to my kids. I waited until it got physical. I was so ashamed of failing at a 2nd marriage- I was determined to make it work. I was so stupid. Leaving was the best choice I have ever made and the difference in a good marriage vs. what I have experienced before brings me to literal tears when I start to think about it. 

I am still damaged from that marriage. I have panic attacks. I almost always drive and have my keys no matter where we go. I have money stashed away. I have this whole safety net- Which, with DH, I can't see ever needing but I am never going to be in that place again. I don't know why I am rambling on and on... I just want you to be safe and know your worth and you don't deserve to be yelled and raged at- ever. 

AlmostGone83's picture

Yup your dream is telling you that your husband is an abusive jerk.  Now here is a real person (me) telling you it isn't your fault. Yes he is entitled to be angry (feelings are valid) BUT he is not entitled to abuse you. No one deserves to be treated that way and given that it seems like this is a pattern, I would say you definitely need to get out barring any huge changes in his part (unlikely to happen at this point as he doesn't seem to think he has a problem). 

Let me say that my husband also raged at me one time. It was terrifying! He even threw a pillow at me as I was walking away, following me, continuing to rage at me. I didn't know what to do. Every time I tried to defend myself he would rage over me. He called me names. He said some very hurtful things. I was so shocked as he had never done anything close to that before in all the years I had known him. I took out my cell phone and started secretly video recording audio of him. Why? I don't know. I guess I thought at the time, well if he kills me they will find find this on my phone. I also thought (more realistically) that if I ever was to divorce such a "nice" man (which is how my family thinks of him) I would have an eye opener for them. I remember thinking after it was over if this happens again, it's a pattern and I need to get out. Thankfully it only happened once but if it happened a second time, I know it would be time to leave. 

Things like this can escalate to physical abuse. Your husband doesn't seem to even make the connection that what he did was wrong. Mine was at least remorseful the next day. Your dream is a warning I'm afraid.

StepUltimate's picture

Thank you. 

After I woke up, I thought maybe those people (who were my "friends" in the dream even though none of the people I know in real life were there) might be my StepTalk peeps. Meant to share that in my orig post. 

missgingersnap2021's picture

My DH used to be get very ugly when we first were married. Always about SD. He of course was never physical but he did say ugly things in the heat of the moment. I never got used ot it becausenormally he is very sweet calm and loving. It was like standing there watching Dr. Jekyll turn into Mr. Hyde. What finally happened was when he said things one night like "Pack your things and get the Fuck out" I didnt get ugly back or cry. I just calmly started telling him the plans for me leaving "I said ok I will start calling movers tomorrow but since it will take me some time to find a place in Virginia (so I could live near my brother) I will stay inthe guest room and hopefully we can be civil" 

It was like the second I took his power away and he realised I could just walk away he stopped all the BS. Now hes not perfect and he has back slid a couple times but never to the degree he was back then. And he is VERY quick to snap out of it and apologize when he does say mean things. 

StepUltimate's picture

... if Jeckyl/Hyde situ can change for a man in his mid-50's. He's nice 95% of the time... but I'm never sure his anger won't flare back up.