SS10 the Thorn in my Side
It's Friday. It's Anxiety day. It's the day when all 6 kids are with us at once. My two plus his four. We live in a small two bedroom apartment (for the time being-- moving in November) and we have made it work up to this point.
BUT
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
I'm absolutely going nutso crazy with SS10. All the others are fine. They get a long fine. They are generally happy. But not SS10. The minute he walks in the door after BM drops them off, he has this nasty look on his face--which just sets the tone for me. (I have theories as to why he has that "look" on his face but it's pure speculation-- possibly he's being coached or talked to by BM on the ride here...who knows).
Anyway-- his attitude is pure $hit.
He is the kid who will listen to others conversations from rooms away and make a whole story based on it. He will hear the word "dinner" out of place and ask, "OH, we're not eating dinner?" or "Oh, We're going out for dinner?" And I have to say, "No. That's not at all what was said. mind your own business." He does this all the time. ALL THE TIME. It's so bad that BM will send a ranting email based on something that SS10 told her (she blames it on the younger kids, but I know it's her precious flying monkey). Her story is COMPLETELY out of context and its super frustrating.
SS10, last week took about 20 minutes to get his socks on (his dad was taking him out to ride bikes). I told him that he needs to stop fartin' around so his dad doesn't leave without him. Then he got lippy with me and I told him that it was unacceptable to talk to an adult like that and HE LAUGHED AT ME. I about went into cardiac arrest.
I don't want to feel like this toward him, but he just does small things here and there that build and build. He's already told him BM that "I don't like him" and he feels like all the other kids get special treatment but him (cry me a river). But I honestly can't fake like someone. I know he's a kid. ok? I get that part of it and I really do my absolute best to not let my loathing seep out.
There is so much more. But it really all boils down to the fact that I see him as an extension of BM and I can't stand her. He's her flying monkey. He will tell her stories about what happens at our house and it's absolutely MIND BLOWING the things she comes back at us with-- all snippets of truth but not completely. We have stopped trying to explain to BM the real story cause she doesn't care anyway. she believes a fugging ten year old.
Anyway-- HOW ON EARTH do you all deal with this? I am not trying to disengage from all 4 of his kids. But the 10 year old? isn't that young? What would "disengaging" look like? please help!! and be nice :)
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Comments
My flying monkey SS is only 8
And he's just a dick. I know that sounds awful, but he is!
He's BM's golden child and he lords that status over SD 24-7 at their mother's house. He walks into our house with that look of disdain on his face because he knows he won't be treated like the little prince at our house.
And of course BM listens to his BS and pumps him for information. That's what he's there for!
You need to have a come to Jesus with your DH. He needs to manage this child. You will do nothing... No discipline, no correction, no homework, no nothing. Never be alone with the child. You have to protect yourself from the BS. Basically, you have to pretend like he doesn't exist. Unless he's polite, you don't even pass him a napkin! He asks for a cookie? You say ask your dad. DH is responsible for clothing, for lunches, etc., not you.
Sounds harsh, but that's what
Sounds harsh, but that's what I'm thinking. I absolutely can't stand it. He acts JUST like his mom. There are times when he's happy--mostly when he's getting something or getting to go somewhere that none of the other kids get to go. Other than that, if all eyes aren't on him, he's a piss ant. UGH. I'm NOT looking forward to tonight.
Thank you! ;)
He sounds like a charmer...
He sounds like a charmer... Even if he was your kid, I'd still imagine you'd find his behavior completely unacceptable! He sounds like he just likes to cause s*** for no apparent reason other than to do it.
His lies he's telling BM, he knows they're lies. The easiest way to lie is to take some truth and mix that in, it makes it the most easy to convince someone of it. So I could be off base, but it really looks like he's trying to cause drama between the households.
I hate to suggest disengagement, but I honestly feel like for your sanity you need to push him off to your DH more. If he shows up with lip and attitude, don't give him a second thought. I'm not even disengaged and I have moments where I'm telling DH to take care of the skids because they're being little heathens!
I really hope your DH and you didn't let him go on that dang bike ride after he gave you lip. I doubt it'll stop the lying to BM, but consequences might help the lipping off he's giving you. Unfortunately you can't do much about BM believing her flying monkey's lies either. Because she's going to believe what she chooses
I don't have much else besides condolences for having to deal with the little demon.
Charmer
I don't appreciate you calling her SS a charmer
He sounds like a brat. I would ignore, ignore, ignore... he sounds attention seeking, whether it be negative attention or positive, I'd give him none of it. and I agree with the others, your DH needs to step up and get him under control in his home. what he does at BMs, is obviously what he does at BMs. I'd also persuade DH to not respond to BM when she wants to bitch about crap that SS is tattling about.
Yes. It's been a long road.
Yes. It's been a long road. After some soul searching and Googling, I'm pretty sure BM has narcissitic tendencies (if not completely, she certainly does with us). So we've really tried the whole GRAY ROCK method with her. It pisses her off. DH replies only to what is necessary.
Some kids
Can be jerks. Not all children are lovely little angels. What’s your DH doing about all of this? I personally would ignore the little shites actions to take wind out of his sails (not even make eye contact unless absolutely necessary) and tell your kids to ignore him if he’s being nasty (unless there’s harm to person or property). I bet DH is being lazy and letting you be the bad guy.
Ignore
I would just ignore the BM. When she sends stupid texts just do not respond. Or DH responds with something like "If you got this story from SS please file it under the Fiction tab. In future address your concerns directly with me. Thank you."
As far as SS and his stupid questions just ignore them. As hard as it is just ignore him. If he gets in your face direct him to his father. "SS go talk to your father. You are being deliberately annoying and I cannot be bothered with your attitude right now."