FDH let BM's mom take SS on our weekend. DUMB!
We have been keeping track of days when BM is supposed to have her kids but ships them off to grandma's or has a babysitter so she can go out (she only has the skids 50% of the time so why does she need to go out on her days with them?). On Friday I go to pick up BS and SS3 because we have him for the weekend.
SS3 is not there. Daycare tells me that BM's mom picked him up. I was pissed because no one told me and then I started to wonder if it was even arranged or if BM's mom just decided to do it. I text FDH while he's at work and ask him what is going on, and he told me that BM called him at 4 asking if her mom could have SS3 that night and he figured it wasn't a big deal...and that he hadn't had time yet to let me know.
Of course I'm thinking what an idiotic move, but I didn't say anything yet.
The next morning I ask when we're getting SS3 because we had a bday party to go to. It is at THAT point that FDH suddenly has a light bulb go off. 
He says, "I should have just told BM that her mom can have him on HER days, not ours."
Um, ya think?
Especially if we're planning to use it against her that she never has her own kids, we can't frickin do the SAME THING! Obviously ONE day for us to do it is small compared to her many times a week...but still!!
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Yah, I have had to have this
Yah, I have had to have this conversation with DH before. It was BM's DAD that wanted to take SS on our afternoon and then drop him off to baseball practive. All of this AFTER BM's dad had talked MAD SH*T about us signing SS up for baseball without "asking BM's Permission". Well, first of all legally we don't have to. HOWEVER, we did have MULTIPLE conversations with BM about signing him up and she never once objected. We don't HAVE to ASK because SS wanted to be in baseball more than anything in the world, and BM would never tell him no, especially since we were paying for it. Her dad is a COMPLETE TOOL. So after DH said yes, I stopped him, had him put her on hold and told him what her dad said, ( I don't always tell him everything BM's tells me. I didn't think her dad being a complete TOOL would ever affect us, but in this case I was not about to do this douche bag any favors). He immediatly got back on the phone and told her NO WAY, and don't ever ask for a favor from us for her dad again. He can pound sand. He told her that HER custody time is when he needs to spend time with him, and other than that he can kiss my ass. But had I not been standing right there when this conversation took place, he would have said yes.
I would however be ok with her mom seeing him on our time. Because lately BM has been so wrapped up with her BF that her mom (who lives on the same property as her) has not gotten to spend time with SS. Her mom has never had a foul word to say to or about us. She is a nice person. And KNOWS how stupid her daughter is.
BM's mom is better than BM
BM's mom is better than BM but not by much. She is easier for us to work with than BM but she still talks crap about us, and allows her daughter (BM) to talk about us in front of the kids.
My DH once asked BM "why
My DH once asked BM "why can't you be more like your mom, she is so pleasant and you are such a selfish b*tch". LOL, I laughed so hard. Her mom was standing there and just said "why thank you". She always compliments us "I like your jacket" or "you look pretty today". It's like they are total polar opposites when it comes to people skills. She did however teach BM that it is ok not not work and just sit at home and let a man take care of you (even if you are completely broke). Her work ethic is not so fantastic, but her house is SPOTLESS (BM's mom) unlike BM's house, which is enough to make someone throw up most of the time.
Hey, not to hijack, but did
Hey, not to hijack, but did you ever send your letter to Bio dad's girlfriend?
Yes I did. We received a text
Yes I did. We received a text response that he's somewhat interested in seeing what we have to say but he's not sure if he wants to go down that road yet. We wrote back again but haven't heard back.
I will definitely post when we have more "info"!
My opinion... Your custodial
My opinion...
Your custodial time is yours to do with it what you will. It is important for the kids to spend time with extended family as well. I would say having them go to gramma's house while you have dinner out is a hell of a lot better than dropping them off with some random sitter. Also, if it happened EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND that you are supposed to have the skids, it may not look fantastic.
of course I am no judge, and I haven't faced this situation in court, that is just my opinion.
I completely agree with you
I completely agree with you that grandparents get their time and it is totally normal and healthy for everyone involved. It'd be one thing if BM did it occassionally or just for the day or night or whatever...but when she only has her children 12 and 14 days a month and she has someone else watching her kids (even if it is her parents) atleast 2-3 times a week during her time? Why should she be getting paid child support? That's where this is coming from.
I see... that is why I think
I see... that is why I think it is only ok, every once in a while.
Personally, we don't get sitters when we have the kids, other than after school while we are still at work. The time that they spend with grandparents we spend ALL together. Not that doing it EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE wouldn't be exceptable, we just don't have the need to because we have no kids together, and all of our kids are on the same schedule so we have plenty of "alone time" so when the kids are home, we are able to spend all of our time with them.
BM's that don't have 100% custdoy and just drop the kids off so they can go out 2 or 3 times AW WEEK?!?!?.. that's not cool.
This is a slippery slope.
This is a slippery slope. Yep, the Behemoth (BM in my case) gave "first right of refusal" to HER mother, the Wookie.
More and more, the Behemoth's "family events and outings" would crowd out GG's (biodad I live with) time with his children.
Soon the skids PASed out altogether.
DH needs to wisen up. Seems like the BM doesn't want her parenting time, but the courts are still an "Old BM System" so that will be overlooked. However he will be setting a precedent by having "Granny" take the skids on his time and then it will be all downhill from there.