You are here

Horrible skids CAN become respectful adults...

stepoff's picture

Found this on "Dear Prudence" this morning. Seems that perhaps there IS some hope for monstrous skids after all. Here's to hoping!!!

Dear Prudence,
When I was 14, I severed ties with my dad. I was a messed-up teenager, living with my certifiably nutty mother and visiting my dad on weekends. When he remarried and had another baby with my stepmom, I was furious. I treated them badly, cursed at them, hollered at them, stole from them, and went so far as to set "booby traps" in the house so my stepmom and new baby brother could get hurt (luckily, they didn't). I treated my stepmom like dirt, even though she was never mean. After I stopped answering my dad's calls and threatened to report him to the cops as a stalker, he stopped trying to get in touch with me. I can see now that he and my stepmom were good people who wanted only the best for me. Now that I am 27, I am trying to get back in touch with my dad, because I'm getting married. However, he will not respond to mail, e-mail, or Facebook messages. I've asked my uncle and cousins to tell him that I want to see him. They told me that he was too hurt by my behavior and has no desire to get in touch. Am I wrong to try to re-enter his life? Should I just leave him alone?

—Stupid Teen, Now Regretful Adult

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Regretful,
Write a letter to your father and stepmother very much like the one here—explaining that you were a miserable, troubled teen who, following the troubled-teen guide book, took out your unhappiness on the nearest target (although you don't need to mention the booby traps). Say they showed you extraordinary patience, and looking back, you appreciate that they were the one stable, loving influence in your life, and you are sorry about how you treated them. Explain that you've worked hard to be a decent, productive adult, and now you're getting married. Add that as you are about to become a spouse, and contemplate becoming a parent, they will be role models for how to deal with difficulties. Tell them that your fervent hope is that they can be part of this new phase of your life. Then ask one of your relatives to be the go-between and deliver the letter. Accept that your father and stepmother may feel they did everything they could for you at the time, and that the breach was so painful, they've decided not resuming contact is the best choice for their family. If they don't contact you, following the wedding, you could send a short letter and some photos saying you don't expect to hear from them in return, but you hope they don't mind that you wanted to send them this update about your life. If you never do re-establish contact, take comfort that you've come out of a difficult, painful childhood and found happiness and love.

Comments

Pantera's picture

I wasn't a troubled teen. I was just a teen and the letter from the stepchild sounds alot like me (except for trying to hurt my stepmother and my baby sister). I never completely severed ties from my Dad but we didn't talk for a long time. As I got older I realized why he did the things he did and he was right. Now, at age 27, I am really close with both sides of my family. We don't really talk about the past because we all know we did things wrong, but things worked out for us. So yes, horrible stepkids can become respectful adults. I am just hoping that this is the way my ss's story turns out Smile .

Pantera's picture

She could be getting sentimental. She may want her father to walk her down the isle. I know, I am being very optimistic, but it's my birthday weekend darn it and Im in a great mood!!! Woohoo!!!

stepoff's picture

I think I'm just TRYING to find some positive light at the end of the tunnel. There has to be something positive out there, right?

Purpleflower09's picture

See that is what I'm afriad of if I ever had my own bundle of Joy. My SD11 is a decent enough kid BUT when the attention is not on her, she fakes an illness. She'll all of a sudden be sick or she will go off by herself and pout or take an attitude.

I grew up with half brothers and sister. My dad was married before and had 2 kids and met my mom and had me and my brother. My half siblings were DICKS and they still are even in their 40's. They blamed my dad for things that never even happend. They said that my dad and their mom divorced because he met my mom while they were married. My dad was dovorced for 3 years before he met my mom. So they were very cruel to my mom in such subtle ways. I don't talk to them anymore and neither does my dad becuse they are DICKS. I dont want my child to be mistreated because SD has issues with sharing her dad. If i sit on the couch next to my husband, she has to sit inbetween....she is 11 and almost weighs as much as I do. My husband finds it cute, I find it odd.

back to the topic though, my dad is very hurt by what my half siblings said and done and has stopped talking to them. The only time they call is when they need money.

Purpleflower

Pantera's picture

You are all probably right. I am just hoping that the girl is like me and that she really is sorry. Although I did make my amends when I was like 20 and was really sorry that I missed out on the first couple of years of both of my sisters lives and missed out on a few years with my Dad. On the other hand, its never to late to make amends.

buttercup123's picture

Purpleflower-that kid has issues. But they are pretty normal given her situation. Does she get counseling to deal with her jealousy issues?

Most Evil's picture

Great post-!! We can dream, but should also consider the probable reality!! A little scepticism and clear vision is healthy. Smile
_________________________________________________________
"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)