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Weekend with SD21

stepoff's picture

DH came home from work Friday and after some arguing back and forth, he insisted on taking our 2yo to an out of state graduation party for his niece. I joined with our 3 mo. old.

We drove all night and arrived at 4 a.m. We were exhausted.

The next morning, DH got a call from SD saying that she needed somewhere to go until the party began (party started at 4 p.m.). None of DH's relatives were home, so she came to DH's parents' house, where we were staying.

She rang the bell and I answered. I peeked out the window to see who it was and SD saw me. She turned to whisper to her BF "that's her". I opened the door to let them in and said "hi". She mumbled "hi" back in an obviously unwilling way. Just a mumble.

So they came in. SD gave her grandparents a hug and said hello. She hugged and said hello to DH's sister and her son. DH and I and others were sitting around the dining room table. She continued to introduce her BF to everyone. As she was making her way around the table, she apparently forgot to introduce me. So after the introductions were done, SD's BF extended his hand to me and said "hi, I'm (BF)". I shook his hand and said "Hi, I'm Stepoff, nice to finally meet you". This didn't surprise me at all with the recent events that have happened between me and SD. But even if we hadn't exchanged words recently, I still would expect this from her. She's been like this since I met her. No surprise.

SD never said hello to her father, no hug, no acknowledgement at all. DH and I took BS3mos. with us to a store to pick up some misc. items. When we got into our car, DH immediately asked me if I had noticed that she hadn't acknowledged him at all. Of course I did. I then asked him if he noticed she had completely skipped me when introducing her BF. He noticed. DH knows that his daughter has been rude to me from the beginning, but I think it's bothering him now because she's doing it to him, too.

Anyway, after returning from the store to find that everyone was still there, we joined them in watching the soccer game. DH's dad was talking about LeBron James (basketball player) and the offers he's been getting from other teams. He mentioned the player's home, saying that it was "just a small place", obvious to everyone that it was a sarcastic remark. SD chimed in with "really? It's small?". LOL! DH's sister couldn't help but roll her eyes from across the room. I'm glad I'm not the only one who understands SD's lack of intelligence. Nobody said anything in response to her remark. I think we all got it.

Other little things happened similar to the above remark, but they're not even worth mentioning. It's just how SD is. However, while we were at the party, I overheard SD asking her father if she should still take her medication, because she had been drinking. DH knows nothing about her meds or their side effects and couldn't give her an answer. But after overhearing what med she is on, I googled it when we got home. It's pretty heavy medication - mind altering. There are some PRETTY SCARY side effects associated with it. So now I'm more scared then ever to have her around our kids. One thing's for sure, I do not want her to be left alone with the boys, even for a few minutes.

Our counseling session is still set for Thursday. I'm looking forward to it.

Comments

stormabruin's picture

"*puts a yellow sticky over stepoff's avatar so she can read her blog*"
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ROFLMFAO!

stepoff's picture

LOL! The avatar was going to be temporary, but I'm actually growing fond of it now. It makes me chuckle. But I'll keep it just for you DPWB!!

It is a new med and I'm glad that she's getting help. I really am. I hope this will change the misplaced resentment, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm still hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. We'll see. But the side effects are pretty serious. I decided (after getting some good advice from my fellow ST'ers) to not keep the kids from her. They are related, after all. But after reading up on this drug, there's no way I could have her alone with the kids without me being an absolute wreck wondering if they'd be okay. Just can't do it. DH or I will HAVE to be with her if she wants to see the kids.

I knew what I wrote in that letter was spot-on and that she needed help, but now I kinda feel bad for putting it the way I did. I guess she already realized that she needed help. I feel validated, yes, but I also feel sorry for her. She's got a long road ahead of her.

stormabruin's picture

I'm excited for you for your counseling. I truly hope it is the start to resolving some of the issues with SD. Smile

stepoff's picture

Same thing is going on here with SD. But the in-laws all know how she is. The issue with mentioning anything when it happened was 1) MIL had her first chemo treatment on Friday. I wasn't going to start an arguement with her not feeling so hot. and 2) I want us to get through our session on Thursday, because this is one of the new rules. Any rudeness will be corrected on the spot. So if she doesn't want to be called out in the future, she needs to watch her attitude. But I know everyone else there noticed it, but none of us wanted to say anything for MIL's sake. I like my in-laws, they're really nice people. It's a shame that SD got her mother's shitty genes instead of DH's. I think that's why I get along better with SS. He's a LOT like his father, SD is a LOT like her mother. Huge difference in their personalities.

stormabruin's picture

Our BM has the passive aggresive attitude. DH has reached the point where he doesn't try to work around it quietly, & he sure as hell is beyond the point of just letting it go. He'll point it out regardless of who is there. I get embarrassed for BM sometimes, but really, she brings it upon herself. Most recently was last year at SS's birthday party. BM had a new boyfriend there. She introduced him to everyone except me & DH. With everyone sitting in the party room getting ready to sing "Happy Birthday", DH grabs my hand & pulls me across the room next to the BF. DH sticks his hand out & says, "Hi, I'm DH. I'm SS's dad. It seems BM left her manners at home. It's great to meet you. This is my fiance, Stormabruin". It hasn't changed things. She still acts like a bitch, but it gives everyone else a good laugh, lets them all see her for the dumbass she is, & lightens the tension a bit. It also brings to light, the fact that DH isn't the rude disrepectful asshole she has told everyone he is.

stepoff's picture

That's exactly how it was! She made an ass of herself all on her own. I didn't have to do or say anything. Like StepAside said to do, just stay quiet and let her bury herself on Thursday. That's what I intend to do. She doesn't need any help from me. And believe me, if MIL wasn't going through chemo right now, I would have called her out without even blinking. But what can you do. It's okay. Like I said, she got lots of stares and head-shakes from the family on Saturday. They know what she's like already. No need for me to even bring it up. It's just time to put some rules into place.

I have to admit that I was pretty impressed with SD's BF though. Very well mannered and seems intelligent. Poor guy. I hope he knows what he's getting himself into.

stormabruin's picture

"I have to admit that I was pretty impressed with SD's BF though. Very well mannered and seems intelligent. Poor guy. I hope he knows what he's getting himself into."
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It's funny. That's what DH said about BM's boyfriend...the tire guy who lags just behind her ready to jump on a whim when she needs new tires. Then, as soon as he gets them for her, he does something to "screw up" & she throws him back out. It's sad to see a decent person accept such a shitty hand.

Isn't it funny how everyone but your SD realizes she's acting like such an idiot??? Makes you wonder just what is in that head of hers.

stepoff's picture

Thanks Sia. Me too. I'll post on thursday or friday and fill everyone in. Hope you're doing okay too!!

mamacat_30's picture

In regards to her new meds...I have no idea what they are, but keep in mind that when you google the side effects it will list EVERY POSSIBLE side effect. Also there are a lot of medications that are considered "anti-psychotics" (not saying that is whats she's on, but those ones always seem scary) that are used for depression and Bi-polar treatment. Stop by and ask you local pharmacists when you get a chance.

She by no means seems like a stellar individual, and I'm definitely not saying hugs and kisses are in order, but try not to let her medication add anymore prejudice than she already deserves.