SD angry, what can I do?
I have been a SM for over 10 years, known sd for most of her life. Now she is 14, and hates me for an error I made. I have apologized, but she will not forgive me, nor will she reply to any attempts to talk to her. She is now in TX, we are in OH. Her mom moved them there less than two months before my husband got back from Iraq. (Thus, my grave error, called her mother a crazy, selfish, bitch. She is, has 7 kids from 3 men and left last man with cancer, dying and moved to TX. He died about a month after they left. 
)
So, what can I do? Do I not travel with husband and visit with my 3 skids? The youngest one still seems to like me, but the oldest is almost 16 and doesn't really like anyone, except his gf.
I mean, I don't need to be around them if they don't like me, so should I? Should I for sake of everyone, including skids, bd, husband and family unity??
Ugh!!! Help, please.
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You're going to have to eat
You're going to have to eat some crow hon and apologize to BM as well. Imagine BM as a coworker--the perspective being that you MUST work together in order to have things function smoothly. Now what you said is a really low blow and definitley not something you say to a kid. I understand you we're angry and lost yourself for a sec but the fact remains that you said something very damaging.
I'd go with DH witht intent to make ammends with BM so you can salvage the relationship with SD. I think you now already there are no garrantees but its worth a shot if SD's relationship with you is important.
Sorry you're going through this.
She is in TX, we do not talk
She is in TX, we do not talk at all any longer. Oh, I didn't say this to her, but said it and then she was informed I said it by someone who overheard me. Sorry, not clear on that one....
BM says kids can make all their own decisions and she won't talk to them and assist in making things better. It has been this way for a few years. It is awful, and DH is sooooo non-confrontational that he won't talk to her either. The issue just gets danced around, but I am tired of it and don't want to "fake" it any more.
If I did see her, she would probably act ok, just not really talk to me and have an attitude. It is just so fake, that I am tired of it.... I have apologized and then reached out to her, only to be flatly rejected time and again. Ugh, sorry, rambling.
hmmmmm.... should heal
hmmmmm.... should heal itself in time...... right after bm pisses her off......
i would rather put needles in my eyes than travel from OH to TX to visit skids... if dh would not be upset if you didn't go, then i wouldn't go, but if he really really really wants you to go, then go and hang out by the pool while he visits or go shopping.. i used to live in texas and loved it!
We are meeting half-way in
We are meeting half-way in TN, and it is only one night, but long drive down and back in two days, just to play the "role" of the hated step-mom.
You are probably right, but not sure how it will heal if I don't ever see her... ya know? I mean she was a flower girl at our wedding, we used to have girl time, leave the boys home and have our special time. It sucks, basically, cause I do love her and my heart is breaking that she does not even like me....
well maybe if you don't see
well maybe if you don't see her this time and join next trip, she'll miss you and be happy to see you. plus there is going to be so much teen drama in her life, that you're little outburst will be forgotten..
I would suggest having the
I would suggest having the father arrange a sit down with you, he, and the daughter in Texas. Have the BD talk to the BM. Explain that you both want to have a sit down to clear the air, and if after the talk she doesn't want to talk to you - so be it. I hate to say it, but teenage SD can be crazy to deal with! The moods change with the tide, and it is not always easy to keep up. I think by sitting down, explaining what you felt when you made the statement, and that it was out of emotion (and not out of complete bashing of her mom) she may understand it. You can apologize, and admit you were wrong to say it (if you did), and that things like that shouldn't be said about anyones parents (as you're thinking to yourself - at least around the kids). This is all conditional of whether you said it. If not, than sit her down, and explain you did not, and that you love her, and are there when she wants to give it another round (which you want to emphasize that this is what you want).
In the end, she is a teen, and her mood will decide if she wants to talk to you or not. As hard as it is, that's what it boils down to. I think in the end (well I hope), when they are adults they realize how us SM really are, and recognize all we do/have done. Could be me just dreaming though! LOL
*LIKE*
*LIKE*
Thanks, starfish, much
Thanks, starfish, much appreciated advice... my issue now is dealing with dh who probably wants me to go, but I have no idea really what he is thinking or feeling, guess I will find out later.
Any more advice is appreciated, I realize others might have been in a similar situation before and gotten through it somehow, right?
I think if you hang in there
I think if you hang in there and show the kids that you are there for them like you always have been she will forgive you. 14 is a tough age, I have one at that age. I would still make the visits if I were in your shoes and try to find some common ground to get back to where you were. She isnt going to turn away from you forever for one mistake. Im not sure that I would involve BM unless you think she is encouraging SD to hold on to the hard feelings. We encluded BM in a "sit down" on one occassion and it completely blew up in our face and ended with BM freaking out in front of the kids. Her freak out was somehow our fault to and it set things back with the kids.