Hi, thank you to the creator of this site. I have a 16 year old step daughter who will be coming to visit in two weeks from boarding school. Before anyone reading this jumps to the conclusion that I am some evil step monster who had her shipped off to boarding school that is not what happened. In the years before I met my husband he had been widowed and left to raise two children. Their mom had an unexpected heart attack and past away it was sudden and I'm sure extremely painful for them. I married my husband two years ago at the time his kids where 14 and 20 they both went to boarding school and had been going years before the passing of their mother. For two reasons the first being that was the school there mother attended and they wanted to honor her and the second reason being that they both had high academic standing which is to be commended. After their mom passed my step daughter followed her brother out of boarding school to public school for a year to grieve but came to the conclusion that their mother would want them to be happy and go to the school they love and with the promise from their father that he would be ok they re-entered their beloved school. Yes I have 2 wonderfully gifted and talented step children. My stepson has always respected me and is grateful I am a part of his life. He has written me birthday cards that have made tears pour from us both.

My problem is his sister my stepdaughter. She treats the gum beneath her shoe better than she treats me. Nothing I do is good enough. Nothing I cook is up to par. Nothing I say will make her smile. I can't even ask her how was her day without some retort usually “How do you think it was"? I have always just wanted to get along with her to bridge this gap and start over. I feel she would rather I seize to exist. I have heard her crying and talking to her mother I tried my best to comfort her but she slammed the door in my face and asked me to leave her alone. Her boarding school is not too far away so she is here twice a month on the weekends and the weekends she is not here my husband drives up there to have lunch with her and bond with her I tried to tag along once but it was clear my presence was unwanted. My husband has tried to talk to her and tried to help us mend this bridge but it’s not working. We have tried family therapy sessions. The therapist told me to be understanding that she is missing her mom and is frustrated and if she wants to slam a door or have an attitude let her because she is just releasing pent up emotions. I tried to just not say anything but then she started to spit out my food and throw it in the garbage saying how disgusting it was. She accidently spilled water all over my laptop and then it fell over destroying it I know she did it on purpose. My husband replaced it and believes it was just and accident but I know it was not. When my husband announced my pregnancy last year she became enraged screaming in horror and demanding to know why he would have a kid with me she had a panic attack and my husband had to hold her tightly until she calmed down. We have her in therapy, family sessions and private sessions. She gets grounded when her behavior gets out of control but I don't think she cares. I don't know what to do anymore I am just distancing myself from her. My husband doesn't know what to do anymore. Two weeks from now she will be coming the entire week and I am dreading it like the plague. I know my stepson will come and maybe bring his girlfriend by for a brief visit he will be sweet and kind the perfect gentlemen and at least when he is around stepdaughter seems to simmer and become more relaxed. She is nice to my husband her big brother and her baby brother (she is great with him) but hates me more than anything. Just the way she looks at me you can see hate in her eyes.