What to do when your spouse really believes their child does no wrong?

So I have been with my wonderful husband for over 13 years. We have one child together and then two children from prior marriages. He adopted my eldest daughter and we have no issues co-parenting her or our child together. The co-parenting issue is soley with his child that he had from his previous marriage. He acts as though this child can do no wrong and excuses all of his bad behavior that if our daughters did the same thing, they would be severly punished. I can't seem to get him to understand that he lets his child get away with murder. He turns it into that I have some sort of jealously issue with his child, which couldn't be further from the truth. He never disciplines him. Never. Bad grades, all well, hits a sibling.. it's justified that he reached his limit... makes a huge mess... well he worked so hard so how can I yell at him for the mess... IT'S BONKERS. His child lies and manipulates, but then my dear husband walks around telling everyone how his child NEVER lies. HAHA. It's driving me crazy. I honestly think that my sweet husband is so blinded he will never see how much his child manipulates him.

Stepmom2oneandsodone's blog
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He acts as though this child

He acts as though this child can do no wrong and excuses all of his bad behavior that if our daughters did the same thing, they would be severely punished.

You’ve been with this man for over 13 years how have you managed in the past? I’d have an issue with the double standards he has with SD and the one you both share together. What is this teaching and modeling for them both? That SD could be the favorite, that she gets preferential treatment all because her parents are not together anymore? He’s guilty parenting and that makes for a toxic dynamic. Have you considered seeing a therapist that is specifically for blended families? I’d try that route first and perhaps he will see the damage he is causing to both daughters.

It's a huge Issue

We haven't managed it at all. The daughters are just now starting to speak up about it. Bless their hearts. I have private conversations with them and they understand that dad is blinded and the only way to let him see the way things are is to let it happen naturally. I have spoken to therapist before and they all say the same, that my husband will reap what he is sowing. But he has to be the one that sees it on his own. Otherwise, he will defend his child. Im very honest with my girls about it. They get it, but are more likely to stand up and say something... and I have to say, I love it when they do.

Yes, he is very much guilty parenting. The dounle standard doesn't bother so much, because other than with his child, he and I agree on most things as it pertains to our two kids.

I only get really annoyed with his child does something directly against one of my daughters. For instance, one of our daughters have severe ADHD. Well his child likes to always tell her how annoying she is and how he can't stand her. That's a no no in my book and my other daughter knows to never act that way towards her sister.

Thoughts?

I don’t have any answers for

I don’t have any answers for you. All I can say is that I totally understand how frustrating and mind-blowing it is to see a parent just minimize bad behavior; especially when it’s directly hurting others.

I’ve heard all the excuses: she’s sensitive, she’s on her period, she rarely does that, I dont care if she takes my stuff, I don’t want to ruin the rest of her time here, you’re crazy.

It lacks consideration for everybody else in the situation and makes you the bad guy for advocating for yourself and the rest of the kids.

I left. I know that’s not the answer for all. Maybe letting DH know you will actively be staying away when skid is around since he won’t do shit about it.