You are here

Deadline given to DH to get SD into counseling

stepmom2011's picture

Caution. Serious venting here.

I have been living apart from DH because SD has been battering me. DH has not done anything to give her consequences so she can do it anytime! I began calling the police and she did go to juvie. DH blamed ME! Said I was punishing him because he has to pay for SD to be in juvie. After a serious beatdown SD gave me on vacation, I refused to return home until DH set up a separate household for me. I have been living apart from him, supposedly giving him time to parent his daughter appropriately.

NOTHING HAS HAPPENED! So I gave him a deadline. At the end of this lease, if she has not been placed in counseling (my idea)and him with a parenting coach (his idea) then I am filing for a legal separation and we will not longer see each other. Currently he is here everyday.

It takes an act of God to keep me from going home everyday. I miss him! I don't know if I have the strength to keep that deadline in place. I want so very much to reconcile that I have been a doormat in so many ways. Please pray that I keep this deadline and don't give in. Please pray that I continue to be strong! I feel so weak.

It's been three years of SD beating me up. DH has done NOTHING... EVER! I know I deserve better than this. He doesn't even really like her. He tolerates her because she is his daughter. He cannot wait till she is gone! He loves being with me in my apartment. I just don't understand why he cannot simply parent her! There are no boundaries, no consequences for bad behavior. I finally got the courage to call the police... and then DH was angry with ME!

Please pray for my family.


Gabriels Mom's picture

Uhhhh...if he's there everyday what incentive have you given him to abide by the SD in counseling requirement for you to come home? I'm not saying you shouldn't see him but it sounds like he's cool with the arrangement because he doesn't have to do anything with his kid and he still has you pretty much anytime he wants it seems...I'm not there so I don't know....

tweetybird74's picture

Does your DH have full custody of SD? I am sorry that this is your situation. No way in hell does a child have the right to do this and your DH should be standing up for you and parenting his child.
If he does not have custody what are the arrangements. Is if possible for him to have his time with her somewhere else so that you do not have to live in an apartment alone?

Willow2010's picture

She started punching me and my DH actually HELD my arms in place so i couldn't defend myself
Please tell me this is an EX DH?!?!?!

clydella's picture

I know violence is not the right answer, but I'd be dag'gummed if some teenage snot would dis-respect me in my home, let alone decide they were going to attack me. Give her some of what she's been giving. My DH always tells me people will push you, until you push back, sounds to me like SD needs pushed back. Don't let her bully you anymore. Stand-up and never allow yourself to be victimized like this.

I will be hoping you can get thru this and hoping your SD pulls that crap on somebody who'll knock her around a little bit.

Willow2010's picture


I am speechless. Stepmom2011, I rarely advise divorce but this is crazy. What kind of man lets his kid beat them up? But in the same breath, I have to ask, what kind of woman allows herself to be beaten over and over? Please get yourself into counseling asap.

RedWingsFan's picture

^^^THIS! not only does SD and DH need counseling, but OP, you do too.

This is NOT ok, it's NOT a marriage and I'll be damned if I'd ever put up with a man who allows his kid to put her hands on me.

Please, get yourself some professional help and stay away from this man and his severely disturbed child. File for separation or divorce and move on with your life. You are already halfway there - you have your own place!

Good luck

whatwasithinkin's picture

this is a reason you should never see him again
She started punching me and my DH actually HELD my arms in place so i couldn't defend myself
sounds like like father like daughter

queenofthedamned's picture

Sadly my FDH and I have discussed what I would do if his spawn ever lays a hand on me (the kid has already assaulted his dad twice, and since now I seem to be the enemy of the month, he is sure to turn on me at some point).

I told him that I will not tolerate being abused by anyone, at any time. And if his kid ever laid a hand on me, he'd better hope the cops get here real quick because I know how to throw a punch too.

He said, "Duh." As in, of course! Who would allow their woman to be beaten by anyone?

Get help, fast. Your DH cares more about $$ than he does about your safety.

stepmom2011's picture

It took a lot of support in counseling to get the strength to call the police, after taking it for two years. He and I went together to learn how to parent his SD together. Now I see this therapist alone. Birth mom passed away years ago. I am so very sad. It is so hard when you love someone. I am still holding out for a miracle that I know probably will not happen. Great friends are surrounding me. Even his mother and sisters! I cannot believe this is my life.

Thank you for the encouragement. Because I have allowed this to go on so long... some friends are weary of me. I understand their point. I am weary of myself as well. I know what I should do and it takes so very much for me to do it! Please stay with me while I keep strong. I will keep the deadline. And I am very sad because I know he will not meet it. Do you understand that I love this man? He has been through 100X what I have! His DD has always been violent. And he is passive. Gentle. This was happening long before I showed up. DH was my high school sweetheart. I was so very glad we go a second chance! It is going to take everyday till this deadline for me to be able to let go. I have missed him ALL MY LIFE> and this is not what I had in mind.

Please stay with me. So many are already weary of how long it has taken for me to stand my ground. I need this place. For comfort. From other women who understand how very hard these decisions are! That my heart is breaking!

stepmom2011's picture

Did call National Parenting hotline and Boystown hotline. They listened to my plan and encouraged me to stick to it. I am trying.

stepmom2011's picture

FYI, the Domestic Violence Hotline referred me because they specialize in partner abuse. I told my story and they passed me on. Kinda felt the same as always... alone. So glad for this site.