Boundaries ....
I live in close proximity from BM.
What’s the proper procedure for dropping things off, etc … She either comes by when she knows I’m not home, or comes by when ExH is there w/ kids. It’s a rare occasion when I’m home …. Very annoying.
Also … the text messages are RIDICULOUS & the amount of them are out of hand!!!! We can be out to dinner and she’s constantly texting him a/b nonsense … telling him how and when to study or do hw w/ kids.
I understand co-parenting, but isn’t there a limit to the communication??
Where’s the barrier???
Advice .... please!!!!!
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Sounds like your DH needs to
Sounds like your DH needs to give BM some boundaries. He does not tell her what to do with the kids so why should it be okay for her to do that to him? If it's not important, tell her to put it in email and he'll respond to it as soon as he can. She thinks because he's close and they "used" to be married, that things really haven't changed, so he needs to step up and let her know.
This, exactly. He needs to
This, exactly. He needs to lay down his boundaries and let her know she doesn't hold that position in his life anymore and so the excessive contact is unnecessary and inappropriate. If all else fails and even after he talks to her she won't stop, he'll have to stop answering her text messages or even turn off the cell phone for awhile so she learns the hard way it isn't a method of communication he'll respond to.
Synaesthete great advice! DH
Synaesthete great advice! DH and I did this and while it was a rough start psycho BM has learned that all communication outside of email will be ignored and deleted!
"she doesn't hold that position in his life anymore and so the excessive contact is unnecessary and inappropriate. If all else fails and even after he talks to her she won't stop, he'll have to stop answering her text messages or even turn off the cell phone for awhile so she learns the hard way it isn't a method of communication he'll respond to."
The sooner your man does this, the better! Good luck!
For sure she needs some
For sure she needs some boundaries. And I am sure she just loves interupting your day also. It isn't always just about the kids in her eyes I am sure. My husband used to always make me talk to them. Which I enjoyed being the go-between for them for awhile. But that will cause you trouble in the long run. It's best for him to make her back off as soon as possible. Like maybe she can call the kids once a day to make sure they have gotten their things done. She doesn't have to call and discuss everything with him.
Like others said it's up to
Like others said it's up to your partner to set the boundaries.
If he didn't respond to her texts she'd stop doing it.
He needs to tell her to save her communication to one (preferably email) per week unless it's an emergency. Everything else his is going to ignore.
Your situation sounds very
Your situation sounds very familiar to me. BM lives about 10 min from our house. Five yrs ago, when the divorce was still new, she used to come over unannounced to drop off items, would send DH emails about bed times for the kids, bath times,etc. She is major control freak and it drove her nuts that we weren't following HER routine at our home.
First DH would send her emails and argue that he has his own routine at his home and he's not going to follow her rules. Eventually he just started ignoring her nagging emails and kept parenting the kids his own way.
So, what worked for DH was standing his ground and not responding to her complaints.
Just like the others stated, he needs to set some boundaries with her. If she has a concern, she could send him and email and he can decide when/if he needs to respond. He might also need to start ignoring her texts and let her calls go to voicemail.
Good luck.
i'll try to point out the
i'll try to point out the good in this, texting and not repetitive phones calls, that is good and he shares the text's with you. But definately needs to set boundaries, i hope he would agree.
My DH and BM have it set up
My DH and BM have it set up where SD calls the OP at 7 every night, no matter whose week it is. We used to get ridiculous amounts of texts and calls until they did this. Now 7 is their designated communication time for whatever they may need to discuss. Some days she still tries to text and call during the day, but he can determine whether it needs to be discussed then and she knows she'll get to talk to him at 7 anyways. It took DH really putting his foot down for this to happen, but everyone is so much happier! It's totally up to your DH if he chooses to keep the texting conversation going! If he doesn't text back she won't have anything else to say!