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Age appropriate behavior?

StepMadre's picture

I have my own opinion about this, but I was wondering what you all think about the acceptable range of behaviors in relation to age?

(warning: this post will have gross stuff in it, so prepare for TMI)

1) I think that a six year old child should be able to go to the bathroom by himself and that six is too old to not be able to wipe yourself after a no. 2!! Any thoughts on this? Am I expecting too much out of a six year old?

2) At what age is a kid supposed to be able to know the alphabet and write their own name? Approximately?

3) At what age should a child stop using "baby talk" and purposefully saying things incorrectly to seem younger?

4) Should a six year old be able to put on his own shoes and tie his own shoelaces?

Am very frustrated with SS6 at the moment and have no idea why he has been acting so helpless lately? It's like he suddenly stopped developing and is choosing to act like a three year old for the foreseeable future. I have worked with kids a lot, but obviously didn't go home with them and observe their behavior at home, so I feel less sure about some of this stuff than other kid-related things. My sisters and I did everything early and were precocious, so I can't look to my own childhood for comparison. Feedback and ideas? Thanks!

Comments

Lovepets's picture

Amerz1 I see that with FSD7, she really can not write legibly? I am wondering if she may have an LD like dyslexia, which I also have, and it made writing neatly difficult for me as a child (I still have horrible penmanship, but it is certainly legible.) What did you do in your situation?

StepMadre's picture

Yeah! I think you're right with this one. It's really hard to tell what BM teaches them or works with them on at her place and the skids literally don't know what to say when we ask them. I asked SS6 if his mom was helping him with the shoelaces and he looked at me like I was speaking Swahili. It's so frustrating!

zenjetset's picture

A six year old should know all those things, maybe the shoelaces would bea maybe, but definitely trying to tie or learning to tie would be good.

Synaesthete's picture

FSS6.5 doesn't need help using the washroom. I'm not sure about the alphabet exactly, and I do think that's something that varies a lot, but FSD3.5 can write not only her name, but some of her family members' names. She can also do and write (very) basic math.

That being said, I think things like the alphabet and writing can have a bigger window.

AFA intentional babytalk goes, none of FH's kids really do that (at least to my knowledge) so I'm not sure when that kicks in/out.

I am -pretty- sure FSS6 can tie his own shoes; he doesn't do it very quickly, but I'm pretty sure he is able to do it alone.

happymostly's picture

my sd who is 6 and a half knows all these things. She doesnt tie her laces very tight and sometimes she needs to be reminded to wipe better after #2, but shes pretty good. She did have trouble with her alphabet with certain words (shes going to be in 1st grade in august) at the beginning of this year, but dh worked diligently with her on that and now she can sight-read 60 something words, so shes on her way to learning how to read. I thought she was kinda a late bloomer on the tying the shoe thing and riding her bike with no training wheels, but i guess not. She can write her name pretty well too, some of her letters that she writes other wise are kind of sloppy and hard to tell what they are, but she is getting better.

oneoffour's picture

Should know most of his alphabet if not all of it. Should know he has to wipe after using the toilet.
Babytalk? Just don't answer it.
Shoelaces? My youngest didn't know until he was 10. We didn't baby him, he just couldn't get his head around it. In time he learnt.
Spelling my name? My WHOLE name? All 27 leatters of all 3 words? I think I was 8.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

my 5 year old does all those things but kids are different. And boys usually take longer.

Tying shoes- takes some kids longer. It's hard so give him slack. Try putting on slip on or Velcro shoes if you don't want to mess with it.

Writing name- should know how. Is it legible- mostly legible but some kids, esp boys just have bad handwriting skills. That can take time too. I don't see why that should bother you...

Potty- he should be doing better but yeah, some kids still need to be reminded to clean better instead of faster. Let his father handle it! In fact let father wash the laundry if ss is leaving behind umm...stains on their underwear.

Abc- Do you mean he doesn't know the abc song or he can't recognize letters when you point them out. He should know the song. He should be learning how to recognize letters although maybe getting confused on some. Since he should be in school, ask his teachers if he's behind at all. They'll let you know where your ss should be academically and develomentally.

PoisonApples's picture

1) wiping himself - absolutely should be able to do that

2) know the alphabet and write their own name - a child of 3 is capable of this, with the caveat that they've had the opportunity to learn to do it

3) "baby talk" - a child should NEVER do this. I think this usually persists because a grown up speaks to them that way, thinking it's cute. For example, my 3 year old has made up her own word 'whobody'. She says things like 'Whobody wants an ice cream?'. The proper way to handle this is to just repeat the sentence after her correctly by saying 'Who wants an ice cream? I do.' They should not be corrected and NEVER, under any circumstances should parents pick up that speech and use it because it's cute. (I do think 'whobody' is cute but I NEVER say so and I NEVER, EVER repeat it)

4) put on his own shoes and tie his own shoelaces - Every 4 year old (barring disability) is capable of this. Again, they have to have had the opportunity to learn and practice.

I taught ALL these things to my skids and we only have them EOW.
With tying shoes, break it into steps. Get something for them to practice on, preferably with 2 different colour ribbons to tie together. First, you do it very slowly talking only a little as you do it. Then let them try. If you can make something that has 4 or more pairs of ribbons to tie beneath each other it's better. Do it in these steps, assuming red is on the right and white on the left:

1. Bring both ends together and loop white under red. Say 'First we make a bridge'. Pull the ends so that the white end is to the right and the red end is to the left. If you have more than one set of ribbons do this step on all the rest of them.

2. Make a loop with the white end. Say 'Now we make a loop with the white one'. Hold the loop near the bottom with your right hand while wrapping the red on around the loop with your left hand. When the red end reaches your thumb of your right hand, grab the white loop with your left hand and use your right hand to pull the red end through. Pull the ends tight. You should have a bow with the red loop on the left and the white loop on the right.

Let the child practice this as much as they need to.

I have never seen this fail to teach a very young child to tie their own shoes.

Here is a photo of a bow tying frame. I make my own but there are many things out there that can be used.

Bow tying frame

StepMadre's picture

Thank you so much for the feedback and advice!!! I don't really know anybody that has a six year old with his specific issues and our family situation (going back and forth) so it's nice to hear some feedback. We are going really easy on the shoe laces thing because I do understand that it can take a while. The other stuff, I guess we will still just be patient and try to keep encouraging him to do things on his own, the right way. I think I have to just accept that he is going to be slower than other kids and not learn things as well. The baby talk drives me nuts though! I think I will just ignore it and continue to speak to him like an adult. I'm hoping once school starts in the fall, his teachers will notice his issues and step in, maybe with some supplemental special ed? Or just any professional so I don't have to feel like i'm dealing with all this by myself!