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SD9 trying to monopolize BS attention!'s picture

My SD9 loves babies especially her brother BS8mo. However anytime another family member is talking, holding, hugging, etc. baby, SD runs up and has to say "I want a hug brother" and hugs baby too or say "group hug" or "hi brother, here I am, here's sister!". Trying to get him to look at her. And it's constant... with my parents, brother, sister, DHs family, neices, nephews...anybody! My 2yo neice was trying to hug and kiss baby goodbye and SD ran up to stick her face right in the middle of what would have been a really cute moment.

SD is here on a 7/7 week on/off schedule so she sees him quite frequently. Certainly more than 1-2 times a month extended family sees him.

I have told her many times that other people enjoy the baby too and need to get their turn to visit with him. But it's just not sinking in. I don't want to cause any resentment between my baby and her, but I'm not sure what else to do. Some type of consequense? Feeling annoyed!


Maxwell09's picture

You can try to remind her about personal space. And she could be looking for her own attention but using the baby as a way to get it. I know sometimes in the right crowds SS4 will try to play "big brother" over the top. It's because they tell him stuff like "oh you're such a great brother" and "Look how sweet you are, you the best brother ever" etc. Perhaps she is looking for that kind of attention. I would try complimenting her on keeping her own space during good-byes. If Aunt Jan is going in to kiss the baby and she tries to interject simply say: "oh hold on SD, move back for a second" Then after Aunt Jan takes her moment I would say: " thank you SD for waiting your turn, that was very grown up of you" (its the same kind of attention but given for the opposite action).'s picture

Well we haven't had a lot of visitors to our own home. These have played out when we have visited other peoples homes. I'm not sure giving her a job there would be appropriate, but I'll keep it in mind for when people are over!

I could see that it might be playing big sister over the top as maxwell suggested. I hadnt thought of it this way.

I guess what bugs me is the way she appears very posessive and controlling. It's even toward me when I have encouraged BS to crawl to me and SD has ran over picked up the baby and walked the other way away from me. Then BS obviously starts to cry and I have to intervene.

But if it's typical behavior, maybe just more reminders of personal space are needed.'s picture

What type of punishment did DH enforce? I feel like we've tried positive reinforcement and redirecting, but nothing is working.