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Pregnant with twins, but no joy here...

stepintime's picture

It's been a while since I visited because, to be frank, I've been wanting to die.
Despite using birth control, I found out I was pregnant with twins a few weeks ago. Me and my SO had talked about having children in the future, if we could work through the issues that being in a stepfamily throws up.

Funny thing is that I had started to come to terms with the prospect of becoming a stepparent. My relationship with SS has been improving and I tried a 'super nice' tactic with BM and she confessed that she was insecure about me so I sought to reassure her. Our relationship had improved and things were going ok.

As soon as I told my SO that I was pregnant, he just said that I should have an abortion as he was concerned about being a part-time dad again and he wasn't sure I'd be able to cope with a stepfamily. He says that he thinks it is for the best if we terminate.

So I'm packing my bags because this is all too hurtful. I don't have any children of my own and it has made me feel hurt and angry. Does anyone else see the irony of this? I mean, he might end up being a part-time dad again anyway! If I wasn't so depressed, I might even smile...

After my brief time with Steptalk, I'd certainly make a commitment never to be a BM from hell...


Rags's picture


Congrats on the twins and condolences on your asshole SO.

Many may not agree with me on this, but, a guy really has no say in this decision. Even in a failed birth control situation it is the woman's body, the woman's life with the mist impact, and the woman's decision.

Sure the guy can have and express his opinion but it is the woman's decision.

The difference between a woman in this situation and a man is similar to the difference between an egg and king crab legs. The chicken lays the egg but the crab who donated the legs is completely commited. One is a short term potentially one time event and the other is truly a life long decision.

The man is the chicken and the woman is the crab in this comparison.

Good luck.

TheBrightSide's picture

Rags, i read this three times...i don't get it. The chicken is the man and the woman is the king crab ......i still don't get it.

Rags's picture


I have heard the same comparision only using an egg and a hamburger. I figured that I would be polite and use a crab so that I would not refer to a pregnant lady as a cow.

Yes, the man puts in limited effort as a chicken does with an egg. The lady puts in a major effort and huge life long commitment as the crab gives with loosings it's life to give it's legs (or cow does with the hamburger).

Of coursethe majority of men are commited to the mother's of their children and to the children.

Sorry I confused you. I guess it was a crappy comparrison. Wink

Best regards,

TheBrightSide's picture

Ahhh...See, Now I get it. For a man, the committment to a child is like a chicken laying an egg. The chicken didn't die laying an egg. No, just grunted a little and ..."pop", out it came and I get to have eggs for breakfast and the Chicken can go on living and laying eggs.

A King Crab, in order to allow us to eat its delicious legs, had to DIE in order allow me to eat its delicious legs. And now that sucka's dead.

See, I get it now. When I first read it I thought: "Why is a transvestite chicken having sex with a Crab and why are their babies just legs??"

Rags's picture

I laughed until I was in tears on this one. Biggrin

"Why is a transvestite chicken having sex with a Crab and why are their babies just legs??"

You cracked me up.

Lovepets's picture

Stepintime (here is a huge cyber hug!) I am sorry your SO is such an idiot! I hope he is having a temporary freak out. You will never be a psycho bm, because you are clearly better than that! Best wishes and blessings to you and the twins!

StepX2's picture

I see the irony in it. What amazes me is here is a man who claimed to have wanted these children and now his tune has totally changed.
I feel terrible for you and wish there was something I could do to help because I can somewhat relate. I ended up having my child and now that my son is an adult and he knows the full story, he is all the more appreciative of what I went through as a parent.
I just can't imagine being in this situation with twins, especially for a first pregnancy, but I am also one of those that believes twins are just amazing when you consider how twins come about.
I pray for the best for you and if you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to PM me on here.
Take care.

on the fence's picture

It's going to be hard work, but do pack your things and keep and your babies. They are yours now. SO wants to eliminate them so he doesn't have to go through the pain of being a part time dad again? What a selfish prick! He can just start feeling part time right now. You have your beautiful babies and enjoy them! I know the hormones are no help with what you;re going through right now, but you hang in there! It's all about you and yours now.

Some nice man will come one day who will want to help you and will love you.

Of course when that happens he'll probably have skids, but at least you get to have yours!

stepintime's picture

Thanks guys, It's so nice not to feel alone. Smile

I've got really supportive friends and family and I will be ok. I just need to get out so I can cool off. I'm not really thinking straight - just seeing red mist! All I can think of is the way I stuck my neck out to care for SS and SO and now I'm feeling betrayed.

calm retreat's picture

Cheer up my friend. Yes, I do see the irony. He's obviously gun shy about repeating the same mistake. All three of DH's babies were birth control mishaps, but he maintains that even though he didn't plan any of them, they've made him a happier and better person. My DH has also doubted my ability to deal with stepparenthood, based on my inability to deal with it. But instead of blaming me or leaving me, he tries to shield me as much as he can. I hope you and your SO can find a way to work it out, for the twins. And remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

on the fence's picture

Once again, I wish we could all get together! I bet we Step Talkers would throw you the biggest baby shower ever! It would be so cool!

young_step_mom's picture

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I wish you the best of luck with everything! Your DH is an idiot and I am sorry about that. I think the only thing you can do in this situation is to follow your heart.

Frustrated New Wife's picture

I'm so sorry stepintime! I do see the irony in it and I think your SO is incredibly selfish to ask you to terminate your first pregnancy (especially with twins) just because of his fears. You have a right to have babies and his excuse for the termination doesn't make sense seeing as you are on your way to adjusting to the steplife. I wish I could be there for you as well, but I am glad to hear that you have great family and friends!

oneoffour's picture

What a wanker!

Be strong and look for support when you need it. I am so sorry he said such a dumb stupid dorky thing.

Part time dad? How does he figure that? I am not a part time mother. I am ALWAYS a mother whether my kids are here or not.

Scarlet's picture

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. Step children are already stressful, then throw a pregnancy and a baby in the mix. And, on top of it, your SO is being incredibly insensitive.. Geesh. I see why you are packing your bags.

I had very little support from my DH when I was pregnant, so I know it can be challenging without the father 'present'. Take good care of yourself and know that you are doing the right thing for your NEW little family. Smile

Most Evil's picture

Please do not give up this chance to be a MOM!! Your DH is being ridiculous and he can either get on board, or get out his checkbook.

I am glad you have other emotional support and I am POSITIVE you can handle this, with or without his 'help'.

Of course if he comes around, be sure to negotiate well for a REAL commitment from him to your marriage and NEW FAMILY!!. Congratulations!!!!!

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Oh, how I envy you! I'd do ANYTHING for multiples!!!! And I've never been lucky enough to get pregnant with them!

If he really didn't want to get preggers, he should have handled up on that on his end. Enjoy your pregnancy and then enjoy your babies! I'll be over here coveting what you have if it makes you feel better. lol Smile

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

From experience, my situation was the complete opposite when pregnant. I was beyond terrified of becoming pregnant as well on birth control but DH was happy as a clam. We had decided to go through with it but sadly lost the baby at only 4.5 weeks gestastional- 3 days after I made up my mind...

I was scared because of all of the trauma- drama with the X and SD6 plus the outlaws from hades.

Good thing we came together first on a decision. Bottom line- YOUR body- Your choice.

I was blessed already with BD19 so it was not as tough on me. If you want the twins- have them and love them with all of your heart and soul.

Good Luck.

stepintime's picture

Thanks for the balance StepAside - he has said that it would be over between us if I have the babies. I think that's just a bit too tough for me to take on board right now.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Maux- I can somewhat relate to what you said. Before this pregnancy, I was on birth control pills because at THAT time, DH did not want any additional kiddos. That ticked me off inside because I had to sit around and look at the worshipped videos/ pictures of the "messiah", SD6. It built up resentment in me thinking, "Oh. You thought it was heaven come when you had SD6 with "that" creature but I am not good enough?" Alas, things happen in an odd way and it all had flipped around. No more. DH is having a vasectomy per our choice.

stepintime's picture

Thanks to you all for your kind words and advice. I have decided to keep the twins because it feels right for me. I have bucketloads of love to give, a home of my own and an independent stable living. I don't want to fleece his wallet, I just hope that he will want to be a good dad to them. The way I feel right now I'm not sure me and SO are right for each other. We have agreed to go our separate ways for now and see what happens. The twins just seem more important than that right now.

I'll do my best to be a good parent and work with him as well as I can. Watch this space I guess!