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So need input from more seasoned stepmoms about how to change ME

stepalong's picture

Ok, so in last year of my relationship w/ sd10, i really feel that things have come a long way and that "we" have really developed an nice little relationship that is friendly, warm, and respectful and even lovey at times. Not my own kid but still really it was quite swell. Then comes summer, she spends about 4x the amount of time w/ her mom as usual (usually spends 1st/3rd wknd month w/ her and in summer spends 2 wks/month w/ her) so that combined w/ the fact she's gone a lot either w/ her mom or at summer camp or whatever i feel like I'm losing her. She seems to take on more of her moms personality (which is NOT a desirable thing), its like she doesnt like me all of a sudden, I start not liking her b/c her personality changes-like more anti-social, less friendly, more entitled, more snobbish--etc. I reallly struggle w/ not wanting to gouge my eyes out when she is around and it makes me sad b/c we really have been so great. So what i need to know is how to align my expectations w/o being guilty of changing MY Personality around her. I know that this will probably occur maybe forever--the 1 step forward 2 steps back thing--so how do i get to the point where it doesnt really phase me and i just keep on acting the same way all the time no matter how she acts. She's not blatantly disrespectful or rude--it's not that--its just this air about her that drives me insane and she's always asking "when do i see mommmmmmmy again" and uber clingly w/ dh b/c she's been gone a lot. I just feel like it's thrown off our homeostasis in, well, the home. Any suggestions for ME and my attitude, etc? thanks.

Comments

Unfreakingreal's picture

Sometimes my SD11 comes with her little sassy, nasty attitude to our house. What I do is I tell her, "Please do me a favor, go back outside and walk back in. But this time, you leave that yucky little girl on the driveway and you bring me the little girl that I like." She ALWAYS does it and honestly, it's kinda funny and she just snaps right out of her damn yuck mood. It's how we break the ice on EOW visits.

stepmisery's picture

She doesn't like you much right now because she's at "that age." That age being anywhere between 10-14.

I love Unfreakingreal's method. lol