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BM and Refusing Placement

sharpie47's picture

BM told SD13 that she won't be coming for her required, court ordered placement of e/o/w for the school year, but will come on weekends (occassionally), thus allowing SD13 to live with MGP's. BM lives a long distance from SD13's school district, and is refusing to make the commute. 4 hours or so...

Now, I get that we can't do anything until she is MIA, but how long do you wait? Do you file a Contempt of Court first? We have offered to have SD live with us for the school year, but BM refuses to give up...my guess is for the minimal CS she receives...yes, she's unemployed...VOLUNTARILY! Oh, wait, she's a SAHM now to her toddler.

She told SD13 NOT to tell us that she isn't coming...but there has to be a way to prove it in Court, when it gets to that point. Any options?

Should we threaten her with court proceedings first, just to force her to come...or let her hang herself in Court. Our Judge is very family friendly, and I think that if she refuses to come...he's going to hang her!

So any help would be great...

Comments

MamaDuck's picture

What's MGP? When do you guys have SD?

Depends on your situation of course, but usually if a parent doesn't take their CO time, they're not in contempt> Contempt is only if they don't get kid back when it's not their CO time. I *think* that after a while of BM only seeing SD EOWE or so, you could attempt to vary that CO to reflect that.

Disneyfan's picture

If mom is allowing the kid to stay with grandma in order to remaining in the same school, and not decrease time with dad, why is this an issue?

sharpie47's picture

We WANT SD to live with us if BM isn't going to be an active, involved parent. BM is the one who lives 4 hours away. For the last 10 years of court proceedings, the Judge has ordered her to continue to travel to SD13's school district, and maintain her placement (school days) as such. BM lives with her parents for her e/o/w placement. Then travels back 4 hours to her legal residence. BM refuses to allow SD to live with DH. DH does have the right of first refusal.BM is basically giving up her rights as Mother, and handing over the responsibility to her own parents to raise her child. She may be a custodial parent, but in the eyes of our Judge, he will see this as abandonment. We have a very old fashioned Judge. He believes in a 50/50, with both parents being actively involved. So, what I needed was advice as to how to nail this BM, so SD has a fighting chance at a real life.

And we care because it's not right to abandon your child to live a life so far away from your child. SD is not allowed to have sleepovers. She is not allowed to be involved in sports. She is basically a shut-in when at the Maternal Grandparents Home. This is why we care, and would prefer that SD live with us for the school year. Now, SD isn't an angle, and frequently drives me insane, but she is also a kid who deserves a chance to be a kid. This is an issue because the BM will not let SD live with us, but constantly harasses us to have SD live with her 4 hours away. Every single family member for this child lives within the immediate area, other than BM. She hasn't gotten her way so this is her last ditch attempt to live her life 4 hours away, without technically giving up her child, or her minimal CS to do so. It's unfair all around.

Disneyfan's picture

Is there anything in the CO about moving away? If mom is the CP, what's stopping her from just moving the kid to her town?

If mom is remarried and has a baby, this traveling back and forth is ridiculous. It's possible her husband is giving her a hard time about that. How many SMs would be happy about their husbands living 4 hours away every other week?

The judge needs to end this. The kid needs to be with one of the full time. If that means she has to move to moms town, then so be it.

sharpie47's picture

She was allowed to live so far away because she was unemployed and able to continue the ordered placement schedule. Now that she's still unemployed, and yet, is claiming that she will be refusing to make the commute, I need to know what proof we can get in order to take it back to court. She can threaten all she wants, but until school starts, we can't do anything (court). We have a few things such as an email stating she won't be able to make the commute, but actions speak louder than words. I want to nail her!!!

And I agree about the one household, but here's where we are digging our feet in...This BM only wants the SD for the big paycheck. She has no interest in SD whatsoever. She is the BM we all bitch about. Money hungry, selfish, and entitled. She doesn't care about SD's best interests. She cares about herself.

So please...now I need ideas for proof.

Disneyfan's picture

The kid is the best proof. She"s old enough to let lawyers, GAL judge know what is going on.