I think I created a monster
I picked up FSS 9 months yestersday and BM said he just woke up it was almost 5:30 pm. He slept on and off - mostly on - all the way home, about 80 minutes. BF fed him dinner and he was fine but a little fussy which is normal the first night we have him. FSS went to bed about 10pm and I thought he was down for the night. I was wrong! Between 10pm and 2:30 am he was up and down every 30 minutes or less. He would fall asleep in my arms and I would put him in his crib and he wold wake up almost immediately. Finally at 2:30 am, I handed him off to BF. BF has to work this morning but FSS is not my kid so I think he should do his part. I went and slept with my BD7 in her room. I went back to my own room a little after 6am cause BF has to get up at 7am and I wanted to be sure I would hear baby if he woke up after BF went to work. I find baby in bed with BF on my side of the bed. No biggie, I get in the other side. The alarm goes off and baby starts to stir so BF asks me to take him. Fine hand him over - which I have to ask him to do twice. Keep in mind neither of us has had more than 4 hours of sleep if that. BAby has been fussy all night and now this morning. I took his temp and its 99.6. He has green boogers and when I touch his ear he screams. Not wimper - SCREAM! I tell BF to call BM and tell her I think he has an ear infection and what she wants us to do about it. He refuses (twice) and tells me to do it - not my ex, not my problem - I will call her about pick ups cause I am the one who does it but medical stuff is not my thing. I am not the parent or guardian so I can't legally take him to the hospital. BF freaks out and says stuff like I don't have the insurance card, I don't know where the hospital is. I can't find the insurance info BM gave us last month so I tell him to give them BM's address and when she gets the bill she can submit it to insurance - no big deal. It is to him. He slams out bedroom door open and yells at me - where is the hospital. Before we moved 2 months ago, we lived 4 blocks from it and there is a lot of signage showing you where to go. So this is just another lame excuse not to take care of his baby. BF them tells me he does not have the number to his work so he can't call them to tell them he will be in late. The phone book is behind him on my desk. So that's not a very good excuse not to take care of his child.
I think I have done way too much for BF as far as FSS is concerned and now he thinks I should do everything but I can't so when I point out that I need help and that he has not helped much all day he gets upset and says he took care of his all evening. Wrong - he fed him = while I was gone - I bathed him - he dressed him - I made the bottles - rocked him numerous time to get him to go to sleep and on and on and on. But BF took care of him all evening!
I love them both but I can't do it all!
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UPDATE
BF called and baby has an ear infection and a perferated ear drum die to the infection. He called BM and she said how can that be he was just at the doctor. I am guessing for his 9 month check.
OUCH
Poor little thing!! He needs lots of snuggles!
Its been my experience that getting out of bed even once for men equals taking care of the kids all night.
Sorry I have no actual advice...just lots of sympathy.
I hope your husband isnt
I hope your husband isnt just wanting joint custody so he doesnt have to pay CS, cause it sounds like when he's with you guys he doesnt actually want to care for the child!
CS is not the problem
BM makes significantly more than BF not including her trust income from her dead parents. So CS is not a concern. He is just never been around babies so he has no clue what to do. He is learning and itis getting better. We are learning to communicate better regarding the little man and that helps too.
Sounds
to me like that 9 month old needs to "visit" his dad during the day and not have sleepovers. The child needs to be with the mom. That would be in the best interest of the child. Your bf should visit the baby regularly & as he gets older the schedule can change.
Poor kid. Poor you that you have to deal with this.
unfortunately
We live about 80 miles apart. Prior to getting these overnights, BF drove up every Sunday to see baby for 4 hours at his parents house. BM would not consent to baby coming to BF's house even for the day. In early July, BF asked for overnights to start (BM had offered an extra hour or 2 on Sundays) and BM said she would not consent and less than 2 weeks later offered an overnight for BF brother's wedding. My BD7 started full weekends with her BF at 10 months of age. My ex was not a stable person and got divorced, changed jobs several times and moved several times during the first 2 years of overnights. That was not a good situation for our BD but this is a totally different situation. We own our home, we both have good jobs we have been at for a while, we are known in our community and my kids are well behaved and well rounded for the most part.
Since when is being with mom in the best interest of the child? I am very surprised at this comment since quite of few/most SM's on this site complain/discuss and/or note negative things regularly about the BM in their life. Our BM is unstable, her boyfriend is known to be abusive (2 domestic assaults in the past year and he plead guilty to both) plus he is still very married, BM lies about everything (being broke, cost of stuff for baby, etc), BM is a terrible housekeeper,(there is always way more than normal clutter in her house when we come to get baby, dished piled up in the sink, dusty furniture, etc) baby comes to us dirty and looking like he has not been bathed in a few days, BM refuses to mediate even though she agreed to it in the divorce, and on and on and on.