Hey, guys. I'm feeling pretty broken down today, and just wanted to post. You know, I want a record of this, for "some day". Some day, what? I don't know?
Today is the beginning of week three, that Hubby has been gone. Or is it the first day of week four? I don't even know anymore, and I'm not sure that I care.
There is so much going on besides the whole ordeal with Hubby.
There is some drama with my "big family" (my mom and siblings) that is really tearing me down. It is one of those things that you just have to grieve over, until you are done grieving.
SD15 and I started a group together last week. It is for survivors of childhood sexual abuse trauma. It's art-based but there is a workbook to use from home.
Wow! I had buried so much inside me. I didn't realize the weight of it, and I thought that I had dealt with it. I'm not discussing my work with SD15, but am available for her to discuss anything she wants to. I won't scar her with my drama, but damn! I wish there was someone to talk to.
Finally, and this is really gross, we have bed bugs! OMG! I cannot stand bugs of any kind (except spiders! I like spiders, because they eat other bugs!) so this is tearing me up.
Of course, I can't afford an exterminator. I am treating it homeopathic-ally, and believe it or not, it seems to be working. However, this is the most disgusting thing!
Today is one of those days, where if one more thing goes wrong, I might just BLOW! I just really don't need one more person to judge me, laugh at me (yes, the lady at the bank really laughed when I got upset that a check wasn't able to be cashed -written on that same bank!) or put me down in any way, shape or form. (So please, if you have anything to say that isn't gentle, use kid gloves on me today! I may not read responses to this post until tomorrow, because I am overly sensitive today!)
Anyway, that's the bad for now. And I don't want to leave this post on a bad note. So, I am going to post some positives below. You know, trying to change the way I think so I can change the way I feel.
These are the things that I accomplished today!
-I went to the bank (a pretty big deal for an agoraphobic who didn't have it planned!).
-I called in 11 different prescriptions for three different people, and arranged to have them delivered tomorrow.
-I made twelve doctor's appointments for the different people in my family for this month.
- I scheduled 15 different bus trips for doctor's appointments this month, including one for Thursday that is a big deal, and they almost had to deny me for!
(Taking care of Health Care in my house is almost a full time job!) Since I was able to do all of these things, I am not a full-time looser. In fact, since these things are pretty hard for me, and I was able to do them all without whining, I actually did pretty awesome! Also, I will be in attendance for all of these doctor's appointments! (Full time job, I said!)
Who has figured out how to pay (almost) all of her bills this month, on her own, while still taking care of (and feeding) two teenagers? THIS GIRL! I am still in limbo about how to pay the cell phone bill ($160), but I think Hubby is going to do it without me having to ask him. We will see, but if the cell phones get cut off, I will just have to find a home phone service.
The sad news is, I don't know how I am going to buy SD12 a birthday present. I explained it to her already (of course) by saying that I may be late. If she has to wait two weeks for her present, she is fine with it. However, I am still having her a birthday party, where others will bring her gifts and celebrate her life! (My cousin wants to give me the money to buy the birthday present, but at this point, I can say "I did it all on my own!" I don't want to change that!)
By the way, guess what SD12 wants for her birthday present on her 13th birthday? A DAUGHTER'S RING! I asked her why, and she said because she wants to show the world that I am her mom. (Queue the waterworks!) Her second wish is a 10 inch tablet...
Anyway guys, pray for us. We aren't doing bad, but all three of us could sure use some relief!