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Absolutley had it with FSD

SierraV's picture

My boyfriend 7 yo daughter been acting up more and more and I’m finally putting my foot down about since my boyfriend won’t do a thing to punish her because he thinks she won’t like him if he does and anytime she is punished she throwns tantrums and screams and cries and won't listen to anyone after that.

FSD constantly wants to hold, touch and play with the baby and I don’t want her anywhere near her. I’ve told her at least 100 times to stay out of our room (where the baby sleeps) and she keeps going in there, wakes up the baby while she is sleeping and tries to play with her.

I completely went off on FSD when she came into our room when I was changing the baby and told her to go to her room and stay there. But 5 minutes later, she was back bugging me and I told her she was grounded and had to stay in her room the weekend. She started throwing a tantrum and I told her if she didn’t stop, she was grounded the whole weekend in two weeks when she was here next. But she kept crying and screaming and wouldn’t do a thing I said.

SO wasn’t home. He was out helping a friend with a repair job to pick up some extra money. He got back and was suppose to take his daughter out to ride her bike.I told him no, she’s grounded. He was all pissed off but maybe if he’s upset he can’ t do something with her then he finally with do something about her behavior.

He took her back to her mom’s at 2 today because she was screaming and throwing an absolute fit at breakfast and they couldn’t do anything and she was being such a brat that the only thing was to take her home. He’s still pissed off at me and didn’t do anything to stop her tantrums today but I’m not going to let up on this. She’s either going to behave here or go home to her mom’s.

I’m not backing down on her being grounded next time she’s here the whole time and will only leave her room to eat (which she won't do) or go to the bathroom and she's not getting out of being punished. Maybe then she’ll learn not to mess with the baby.


StickAFork's picture

Sending a 7 year old to her room for the entire weekend because she wants to see her baby sibling is AWFUL.
What about this child makes you despise her so? Hey, I don't think she should be in there waking the baby or anything, but why are you so insistent that she stay the hell away? You don't want her holding, touching, or playing with the baby. WHY?!? She's not allowed to even SEE the baby while you're changing her?
Your BF is a MAJOR asshole for reproducing with you. I can't believe he submits his daughter to this kind of abuse!!

Just so ya know, your kid is this kid's sibling. You are doing everything in your power to make sure they NEVER have a relationship and that your SD hates the baby's fucking guts within a year.

SierraV's picture

She has plunty of other times she can see the baby. But she disobeys us and does things she knows she isn't allowed to do. That's why she's being punished.

If you had to deal with her tantrums, crying, screaming and always never doing what she's told, you'd understand why I can't stand her. She's a terror and something has to be done to fix this. My boyfriend isn't doing it. She doesn't listen to him anyways.

StickAFork's picture

Please, PLEASE look into some parenting classes. They may be able to help you adjust to the changes in your life.

I'm not sure I consider it "disobeying" when you tell a SEVEN YEAR OLD she's not allowed to see, touch or play with her baby sibling AND has to spend the entire weekend grounded to her room.

I dunno...I guess I've just had it with shitty parents/stepparents today.

I raised six fucking seven year olds. I've been there.

SierraV's picture

I don’t need parenting classes. I know how to be a parent but this kid is out of control and she doesn’t care what anyone says. She’s only here every other weekend and the rest of the time she’s with her mom who give her whatever she wants and treats her like a princess.

My boyfriend and I are barely making ends meet. He can’t work much because of a back injury. There’s no stuff to take away from her. She is pissed she can’t watch Disney shows here because we don’t have cable so she doesn’t want to watch our tv. That’s about it for anything to take away. She doesn’t eat when she’s here because we won’t buy Lunchables and Uncrustables and juice boxes.

My boyfriend already has to borrow money from his mom to pay child support and buy stuff for his daughter, but I’m on my own supporting our daughter because he’s not working much now.

He spends so much money on the 7 y.o. and she doesn’t appreciate any of it and her BM doesn’t need the money either. She likes humiliating him that he’s injured and can’t provide for his kids.

FSD is satan’s spawn. She doesn’t care about anyone other than herself and she won’t get out of my face for 5 minutes and if anyone says anything she doesn’t like, she screams and throws tantrums. There’s no talking to her and getting her to behave. She doesn’t listen. She just screams.

Frustr8d1's picture

Wow, SAF...when I want to get a harsh honest piece of advice (wanted or unwanted) I know exactly where to go!

StickAFork's picture

If it makes it any better, I'm a bitch to myself, too, regarding some of my choices in life. Smile

I'm an equal opportunity honest bitch. Honest.

newtothis03's picture

I agree. She probably just wants to help and/or be a part of the baby's life. It's normal for little ones to want to play with baby siblings. But by keeping her away, you're sending the message that she isn't apart of that family, of your family. And she is probably at that age where tantrums are normal. She is seeking attention from you and testing her boundaries. Whether you like it or not, you are the mother figure when she is in your home. It's good to make rules and teach her to go by them, but there are constructive ways to do that. She's not even going to remember why she was in trouble when she comes back for her weekend visitation. She is at that "helping" age. Having her "help" with little things like feeding the baby, picking out outfits for the baby to wear, folding clothes WITH you, etc, will tame the tantrums.

dispiritedstepmom2011's picture

damn, ur sd sounds like.....a child wanting to play with their half-sibling.....that lil bitch (note sarcasm).

look hun, unless u tell us this child tried to hurt or kill ur baby, u sound really fucked up. just sayin.

maybe if u provide more details, then u can change our miinds about ur post. if not, then u sound like the type of stepmom from disney.

onebright1's picture

Ya know, It just turns my stomach when I read post like these. I get that skids can be evil. But I just dont think a 7 yo has it in her to be doing that for any other reason than to be included. Now I know I am not living your situation and it could just be how you wrote your post but, It sounds like you are young. I mean, we all vent, but, and Ive even called one of the teenage sgirls a bitch in my vents. But I kinda feel sorry for your SD who is only 7. And I think her dad should step up and keep YOU away from her.

StickAFork's picture

Well, I'm glad it wasn't just me today. I unloaded on the op, because all I can think is... Good God, that poor little girl!! She really does have an evil stepmom and for double fun, she has a shitty, selfish father.

Give it a few years. OP will be posting on here about how her SD does everything she can to ruin her life, and how she hates her, and alllll poor SM tried to do was love and accept her. :sick:

OP, do the kid a favor and move the fuck out. Give her at least A CHANCE of having a normal life.

Oh, and I sure hope your attitude towards kids changes as yours gets think they're tough at 7? Wait til they're 17!!

CaptainD's picture

Your SD playing with your daughter is a GOOD thing! Sooooo good for your little girl to have love from other people. It might be hard for you to allow it, but please try. You might be thinking "germs!" or something along those lines.... (I think this when my sd15 plays with my toddler) but your daughter will be fine. Interacting with siblings and extended family is good for her. Please please please try to look Past your annoyance with your stepdaughter... It's hard I know. You probably just want it to be you, dh, and your baby. I get it. I've had those feelings. Try to just realize what is good for your daughter. Her sister (your SD) loving on her is good for her. Your her mom... Sometimes you gotta do what's hard, for her benefit.

SierraV's picture

She doesn't love the baby. I can tell she hates her. She plays very rough with her dolls and has destroyed them. I won't risk her doing something to my little girl.

StickAFork's picture

You don't know anything, but you're working like hell on being a self fulfilling prophecy.

(She hates her, THAT's why she wants to PLAY with her.)


Have you been to your doctor since the birth of your child? Perhaps they can recommend some meds?

dispiritedstepmom2011's picture

maybe someone should have, or should now, teach this child how a baby is handled, beginning with her dolls. has she done or said anything in regards to the actual living baby? if not, then u are reaching.

i understand your concern but keeping her from the baby may result in her developing a real hatred for the baby and doing something serious.

talk to your dr about your concerns. get therapy.

Lalena75's picture

aww poor wittle child got a pwnishment for being a freaking brat my own darn kids have spent a whole big giant 3 days of an entire weekend grounded to their rooms for being disobedient, kid won't listen they get punished they scream and throw a fit don't give them what they WANT give them what they need punishment let her scream and when dear old disney dad gets home give him a choice get his kid under control PARENT her ass or he will suffer YOUR wrath. What the hell is wrong with people you all bitch and moan about unparented kids then bitch and moan when a kid is punished freakin crazy. She won't let a disrespectful child continue to be disobedient repeatedly waking an infant over and over, bugging bothering, and attempting REPEATEDLY to do exactly what she's been told no to. No one wants a cranky baby no one wants to constantly have an infant in the arms of a 7 year old, it leads to cranky or injured babies I just took an 8 month old to the ER on a call because 6 yr old brother picked her up by her wrists and dislocated her shoulder, sure lets constantly have to sit in a babies room so he/she can sleep, not get picked up or injured because THAT's better parenting? And the assumptive behavior that dad here procreated after an injury not before? Hell shit happens birth control isn't 100% and injuries that lead to job loss sure those are planned too right?

StickAFork's picture

My children are most definitely disciplined.

There's a big ass difference between disciplining (and even punishing!) and being outright abusive.

For those people for whom this differentiation does not come naturally...again, PARENTING CLASSES.

Annanymous's picture

Wow. I can understand a SM with a baby feeling resentment or jealousy or something, but this is a 7-year-old girl, when she has no recourse she is going to release her frustrations by screaming and crying. She has NOTHING at your house you say to entertain her, she has nothing to eat, she does nothing all weekend except try to play with the baby sibling then is locked in her room all weekend and expected to do what, just sit in there and stare at the wall? Will you REALLY expect that level of maturity from your own daughter at age 7??? That is just wrong and then next weekend too because, like all 7-year-old kids, she came out of her room? They ALL come out of their rooms, it's what the DO!

Appropriate CONSEQUENCES would be "I told you to let baby sleep; first warning". "I told you and gave you a warning, now you have time out x minutes" or even writing "I will not wake the baby from nap" 10 times. There is no way you can expect a 7-year-old to sit in their room all day much less all weekend, especially if you say they have no toys, no TV, nothing and are hungry and are frustrated and feeling powerless, good lord.

I really hope OP looks at the situation from outside herself and sees what is going on. Kids try to get away with things, that is why they have parents and are minors until they are 18, and why parents have to stay right on top of the little buggers.

I really am not saying this as a put down whatsoever so I pray OP takes this as it is intended, which is that I really hope things can get better for OP, SD7, Dad, and baby - I think counseling would make a world of difference to come to first see what is going on, recognize the negative feelings, and find coping techniques to deal with the feelings; as well as parenting classes to learn how to cope with the children, because the baby will grow up to be 6-7 and will not listen to everything OP says either - this is normal child development to defy and sneak and yes, lie about it all. As annoying as they are when they lie, it is healthy development- it still has to be corrected with consequences for lying, but punishment smacks more of adults revenge at the child. Consequences for actions/behaviors are not related to the adults feelings whatsoever.

StickAFork's picture

OMG, I think your GD is my DD!!! Only she's older.

Good heavens...such a sweet, lovable, kind child with a head as hard as they come. Stubborn (willful) to no end.
Training her up has been such a challenge. Good heavens.

Lalena75's picture

My kids aren't brats 24/7 but boy do they have moments like every kid both A students, happy active in a sport and oh my they are happy, and in the end my kids adore me I have a nearly adult teen who says she hope to be a mom like me someday, both kids know which parent is the parent the one who's stuck by thick and thin, taught them manners, respect, dignity, hard work, self control, ethics,the importance of education and morals. I also spank my kids you don't agree tough see that's just it your not raising these other peoples kids your stuck with what you have.
As for my skids, house rules rule my house my rules and even with SO's kids I punish as I see fit with it in mind they aren't my kids, bad behavior in school SO will make a 5 and 6 y/o stand in time out all day except dinner and showers excessive oh hell yeah and guess who pointed that out? Me. Now they lose cartoons and toys but unlike the op we have things to take away.
Where's the good advice if you don't agree where's the alternatives there isn't anything else for the op to do, stand her in time out is the same thing as in her room and she's just gonna keep screaming so at least in her room the noise is diminished. I spent nearly a year grounded to my room for my grades did I feel lonely, segregated, and abandoned? Nope I got left the hell alone which is what I wanted, to read and study, and listen to music without my SM, and siblings distracting me and harassing me.
The point is when the heck did "parenting class" become the solution to Skids how many of you have stated you "hate" your step kids. I agree the problem isn't the kid all on her own the problem is dad and BM but they've dumped that responsibility on the OP who also has an infant to deal with.
In the end I'm sick of seeing newer people attacked rather than helped time and time again on here, there was lost in the attacks some good advice and what I had to say was in no means ment for every response.
So here's my advice to the op: kids are mean to toys doesn't mean they will be to a sibling and yes your baby is her sibling, having her spend time with you showing her how to properly and safely help with the baby will help you, get her a rewards chart since you don't have much to remove from her work with the positives, yes she should still be punished for flat out disrespecting the rules time out works but it has to be consistent sending her back to BM is her winning what she wants freedom to do as she pleases and daddy needs to get on board and parent his child he's not her bff that won't win any parenting award (though it seems some BM's think so)you have to find what works or your relationship is in serious trouble. Get a baby gate or child lock on the babies door to keep her out of the babies room when she's sleeping, but get her involved would you rather be there to supervise their interactions or separate with your SO and on his visitation days he's the one supervising them together.