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SD's at BM's for Thanksgiving!

Shieldmaiden's picture

I just found out the SD's (Harpy twins) are their BM's for Thanksgiving. Yayyy!!! I had to stifle a giggle of joy when I heard this. Now I can enjoy my Thanksgiving with DH, his sister, her husband, their 2 toddler boys, and my elderly dad. We all get along, so it will actually be fun. Thank goodness! I was dreading this holiday until I found out they will be gone. 

Oh, and I am getting a chest cold. Thank you to my coworker, who coughed into my desk fan all of Thursday. I hope I am not still coughing on Thanksgiving. 


JRI's picture

When all 5 of ours were living here, Thanksgiving was the one and only day of the year that ALL 5 would be gone all day!  My ex was a deadbeat dad who seldom took the kids but his mom wanted them there that day.  BM seldom took hers, either, but wanted them that day.

We would stay in bed til about noon then eventually go out to eat.  That is still my ideal.  Enjoy yourself, Shieldmaiden.

Rags's picture

Christmas looks like it will be DW, myself, and the spawn.  We are excited.  We all get along, He just took a new duty station in the US after 5 years in Germany.

Not our TG drama, but... an interesting thing that I have always thought that I would never tolerate.

My IL clan never has their TG or Christmas celebrations together on the actual day of those holidays.  My DW's three younger sibs do the actual holiday with their own ILs.  My MIL and FIL always got the dregs for their family holiday on some day following the actual holiday.  If I were my MIL/FIL that would go over like a fart in church. I would insist that my family would be with me on those holidays on at least an EOY frequency.  The kids can spend the holiday EOY with their own ILs.  I would also insist that one year I get TG with all of my kids and their families, and the following year I get Christmas day with my kids and their families.  I would not insist on both TG and Christmas every year.  They can spend the alternating year holiday with their own ILs.

My MIL/FIL have always refused to make those stipulations.  They will express how hurt they are that they do not get the actual holiday upon occassion.  They will not solve that problem.


My DW is flying out for SpermLand on Black Friday.  Due to COVID in 20&21 she has not had a holiday with her family in several years.  They will all celebrate TG on the Saturday following.  I have to work non stop from Black Friday... until mid day on Christmas eve.  This whole thing with my MIL/FIL not getting their own kids and their families on TG or Christmas is irritating to my DW. It has been for many years.  But... she will not say anything.  When we are all together she asks me not to say anything.  My MIL & FIL are usually worried that I will say something.  They would rather suffer crap than address it.

For her... I bite my tongue.  However, I make sure that DW, and my MIL (and FIL before he passed) go to an amazing holiday event followed  by a meal at very desirable restaurants.  I try to make it special for DW and her parents to compensate for the underlying sadness of them being abandoned /ignored on the actual holiday by the rest of their kids.

Over the years DW's sibs and their families get irritated that they did not get to go with DW, her parents, and I to Nut Cracker, Trans SIberian Orchestra, Holiday Parade of Home, etc.. followed by an amazing meal at a rated restaurant. Or a mansion Holiday tour with gourmet meals in the mansions with carolers.  We pay for ouselves and my ILs and my DW's aunt.  We would not pay for BIL1, BIL2, SIL and their spouses and children.  I learned years ago to not go for my wallet when we are all out to dinner. I tell the server to split the check and we pay for ourselves and DW's parents.  The other three and their spouses can pay for their own.

The Sibs do their thing on the holiday.  Me, DW and her parents, and occassionally MIL's sister, do our thing.  

We have had some wonderful holidays just the 4  or 5 of us. Followed by the full  IL clan holiday gathering a day or two later.  Though not intentional, the 4/5 of us usually are laughing and talking about our holiday together. The rest of them don't have much to talk about regarding their holiday.  We usually have fun at the IL clan holiday all together. Once the quiet fades and the pouting stops. 

Happy TG STalkers. I hope you all have drama free feasting and are spending the holiday with your favorite people.

Gobble til you wobble.

Elea's picture

Good description for them. Congrats on a drama free TG!

I am celebrating the same pleasure this year. Sdiablas will be at BM's new out-of-state home for TG and hopefully Xmas. SD's are NOT gracing us with their presence until the week after x-mas and then it is to demand DH drive them 4 hours away to see family in an attempt to copy their childhood holiday trips. (Diablas do not realize this but part of said family has recently become alienated from DH because they are raging narcissists ... So ... said trip will not have quite the *sparkle* they remember. That side of the family is in a big family fued.)

When SDiablas were teens BM held herself as the benevolent, virtuous, victim while DH and I were devils, the "other family,"  living in sin however she couldn't be bothered to have her own daughter's on the holidays and forcefully pushed them on us. (No idea why she needed SD's to be with us since we're so amoral?)

DH is sad about SD's snub of missing the actual holidays and choosing BM. I struggle to sympathize. If they "don't want to be a part of it" we can't fix that.

Last year YSD came to TG with us. BM shoved some ugly, wilted flowers on her to bring to SIL's house and remind SD of her loyalty bind. On the ride over YSD was extremely snotty and rude when my daughter tried to make small-talk. YSD snapped at my DD again when we arrived and my DD kindly reminded YSD that she left her iPhone on the seat of the car. She earned us ignoring her for the rest of the day. DH of course didn't hear or notice YSD's snide comments so I had to point out these and other sh*tty things she did throughout the day. He had a talk with her about her behavior and of course she cried crocodile tears and was "confused" as to why she was in trouble. Lol

Shieldmaiden's picture

Why are SD's always so confused as to why they are in trouble. It seems like the only time they are confused. The rest of the time they are full on demanding things they don't deserve. 

Well, seems like my SD's have decided to come over after 6pm on Thanksgiving, so they can have two Thanksgiving dinners without actually giving any thanks at all!  That's after the guests have left and the dishes are done. They want leftovers and arent sure if they are staying the night or just grabbing food from our fridge and running off to Bioturd's house. Hmmm...well, I will take the win of not seeing them at Thanksgiving dinner. They aren't getting any of my homemade pumpkin pie, though. For that, they have to show up and act right. LOL.

Elea's picture

For my SDiablas being confused is 100% from BM's playbook. They did not fall far from her dysfunctional tree. It is a great catchall phrase to get away with anything they want. It makes other people feel smart to "help" BM or SK's understand, maybe not realizing that it's total manipulation and more drama. 
When someone explains why their bahavior is unacceptable then it turns into "Why is everyone so mean to me?" And "What did I do wroooong???"

Elea's picture

Btw, sorry to hear your Sd's are piggybacking off your TG after all. One of the most frustrating things about step life is constant interruptions and no standard schedule. It is all at the whim of steps. 

Rags's picture

vocabulary in our home when SS-30 was a pre-teen and teen.

That pretty much eliminated "confusion".  If we asked a question, he had to give a cogent thought out answer. If he needed a few minutes, we gave it to him.

"I don't know" ended my first marriage, that was my XW's answer to just about any question and just about her entire contribution to any discussion.  I have an issue with "I don't know."

If he asked why he was in trouble we answered with "You tell us." This drives discussion and thought, and communication that is impossible if "I don't know?" is ever allowed to stand as an answer.

IMHO of course.

Good luck with this one. It isn't an easy one.