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SD18 has issues 2 days in on the new job

Shieldmaiden's picture

 SD18 got a job working with kids at a summer camp. Dh and I thought this would be great for her since she loves kids, and they bring her out of her shell. Nope. Two days in on the part-time  job and she comes home in a foul mood. Dh fixes us both a nice dinner, and 10 minutes before its done she eats the last bag of my popcorn that I buy for work ( I got zero of it.) She messes over her food and says she is not hungry. We ask her how her day was. She puts on the stinkface and says "um. ok I guess." 

Later DH has a one-on-one talk with her and tells me the family is going to have a "round table" at dinner the next day to "help her figure out how to deal with her problems with her new job." I ask what the problems are, and he is at a loss for words. He finally says "I think she has a problem with ALL authority figures. She doesn' like being told what to do." He says this with a straight face, so I ask what set her off, specifically? He says "As a team building activity, all the camp counselors had to do 10 jumping jacks together to get their energy up for the kids."  SD18 thought this was ridiculous. While I agree, being forced to do jumping jacks is not my favorite activity, I can tell you I would have done it and not complained, because that is part of the job - and sometimes in life, we have to do things we don't enjoy.

DH asked if i would participate. I said yes, but she won't like what I have to say. I also think her sister is going to tell her to grin and bear it, too. Everyone is getting tired of her shite. 

I just can't pretend to sugarcoat things anymore for her. If she won't get evaluated for her mental problems, then she can at least hear what I have to say. I am not living in her fairy tale world anymore. She actually said last night that she thinks her problem is "not enough serotonin in my brain." I said to her "Well, antidepressants are pretty easy to come by these days, after all, I take MINE every day." Smile. Yup. Awkward silence. The message I am trying to get across to her here is "face your problems, don't hide from them."  

How much do you want to bet she will quit her job this week?


Shieldmaiden's picture

Hi Aniki!  Ahhhhh! I would have hid the popcorn but I never know when they are going to show up. No one tells me anything. I am going to start leaving my work snacks in the car until I can take them to the office. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Too bad you can't put exploding dye packs on the popcorn bags...

There were some things I always kept hidden because the SSs came whenever BioHo wanted to go drinking/ho-ing.

Ispofacto's picture

Talking won't do anything, consequences will.  She requires Rag's burning platform.


Shieldmaiden's picture

Ipsofacto - Thanks! I agree about the burning platform. Her 19th birthday is in September, so after that there is no excuse for not having a full time job, and I will be enforcing chores since DH can't seem to get it in gear. Likely, DH will be furious at me, but I don't care anymore.


Noway2b1's picture

Shieldmaiden's picture

CLove - Yup. That's what went through my mind. That, and "grow the f*** up, kid." 

strugglingSM's picture

Just wait until the boss tells her to clean the bathrooms....I wish the most annoying thing about my job was having to do 10 jumping jacks in the morning. She is in for a tough life if things like that bother her. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

My mother had to do this with one of my sisters.  Mom was ruthless but she got her out of the house.  

Survivingstephell's picture

Messing with SSRI's with Bipolar in the family tree is asking for trouble. Could bring on a manic phase. Then you will really have problems.  When are you going to put your foot down on BOTH of them to get their mental health sorted out?  When are you going to educate yourself about Bipolar?   Correct meds are only half of the solution.   Stability can be achieved. I've seen it happen.  Your life could be so much more peaceful.  

Julie Fast : Loving someone with Bipolar.  Get the book for yourself.  Order it on Amazon.  

notsurehowtodeal's picture

ShieldMaiden - I'm sure you were just kinda riffing on the serotonin, but she really does need meds specific to bipolar and not depression. Generally speaking, SSRI's are not the treatment of choice for depression that is associated with Bipolar - their are other drugs that are much better. I realize you know this, but SD really does need a complete work up with a Psychiatrist. It continues to amaze me that your DH, who also must know this, won't make this happen for her.

Good luck with the family meeting - I hope you can get through to her and your DH!

paul_in_utah's picture

My SO's daughter is like this.  She walked off a job on day 1 because the manager was "disrespecting her." 

She's gotten talked to about missing a shift on her current job because she is too disorganized to follow a work schedule.  She predictably blamed the lapse on having a baby.  That's her "get of jail free" card.

DPW's picture

If she truly is bipolar, untreated, unparented, immature, etc..., how do we really expect her to be? 

I hope the meeting's focus is not on employment but on obtaining help for her potential mental health issues and setting boundaries around that - of course coming from your DH, not you. Your DH needs to step up and parent, not just in the day to day but also in being primary driver of her care if she is bipolar. Of course, he will have to do it for himself first so this may be all a moot point...

Hope the meeting goes well. 


Cover1W's picture

I work with someone who doesn't want to do certain things associated with our job role. It's maddening. It was explained in the interview process and in the onboarding now she thinks it's beneath her or a waste of her time.  WTH?

Shieldmaiden's picture

Hi Cover1w - Same here. I would never have gotten away with the attitude that we see from people nowadays. Not just young people, either - but it tends to be mostly the younger generation that assumes they are entitled to do whatever they want with no consequences. It boggles my mind that this is acceptable. I have a coworker that plays her music at top volume and we are all shouting into the phone trying to hear the customers until the boss finally tells here to turn it off. Then she gets mad and sulky and starts playing on her phone. 

hregal2011's picture

I feel like many teens these days (man I sound old..) cant cope with adversity or things that make them the least bit uncomfortable.  Most are saturated in a society of instant gratification and IF they encounter something they don't like..simply swipe left or block and Bam-it's gone!!
it's great that you all discuss things.  That's huge.  She should go see someone even just for counseling...for some reason things are more believable out of the mouths of a third party (parents are Never right)..


thinkthrice's picture

Are going to have a rude awakening when the job market dries up and the layoffs begin shortly.   They will be the first to be jettisoned.   Problem is they will boomerang back to being financially dependent on their parents.