Thanks for such a quick response! No such thing as a visitation schedule and there never was. DH wants his son over as much as possible since his homelife with BM may be disorganized and unhealthy. He knows that the home is unkept (we have never stepped foot in it but his past experience tells the story) and DH wants to make sure the son has something good to eat. The past suggests she doesn't stock food items and rarely cooks. Don't know how true that is but SS raids my fridge every chance he gets (which also irritates me) and leaves me with his dirty dishes. How many times do you have to remind a teenager to put the dirty dishes in a dishwasher? It's not like he has to hand wash them like I did when I was his age.

We've moved his alarm clock to the other side of the room but it still doesn't help. He'll get up and shut it off and go back to sleep. This of course means DH & I have awakened at 5:30am with the alarm and are on alert until he makes the bus at 6:20. It doesn't help matters that I hate mornings and have already started off on the wrong foot I've also suggested installing a shower timer but DH doesn't want to go to all that trouble. So, he has to pound on the door at 6:00 am to get him out of a 20 minute shower. Every morning, the same scenerio...

DH is such a great guy but a lousy father and business owner. He spoils his employees by being too nice and overlooks his son's actions because he doesn't see them. Not that SS does anything really bad, but DH isn't consistent or doesn't impose consequences for SS's actions or especially non-actions. I've actually reached a point that it's hard to praise good behavior since I don't get to witness too much good behavior. I know that sounds terrible. But, when I do see him, I have to remind him of what he forgot or didn't do..blah blah blah -SOS, differnt day. I'm just not used to being around kids let alone teenagers. I was brought up "children should be seen & not heard" Ugh, try to wipe that out of your memory bank. I have a misconception that kids are supposed to be part of your team. Helpful, kind, considerate, loving, did I mention helpful?? Maybe an exclamation of "I'll get to it right away" would make my day...heck maybe even my week! Or, just volunteer once to do something on your own without having to be nagged to do it....please? Just once!

OK, breathe...

I've made suggestions about contracts and following rules, but DH only follows through for a short period and doesn't stay on top of things. I'll have to say he's a little lazy in that regard too. He's such a hard worker but too darn nice & easy on people! SS used to at least put the garbage out on Sunday, but i think he discovered that hiding out at Mom's house will get him out of having to do anything at our house.

It's hard to disengage when I want to butt in all the time. I don't want to be controlling but sometimes I feel nothing gets done unless I force the issue. (I manage a 248,000 sf building but can't seem to manage my own household) I feel like you only have one chance to raise a kid right and we're blowing it because neither one of us knows how. I wish we could communicate to SS's BM, but she's impossible to talk to. We all really need to get on the same page for the sake of the kid, but I see it will never happen.

Thanks for listening! I agree, therapy is in order and soon! I hope I can get to a point in this forum that I can help others without sounding like I'm B....ing all the time

It's nice to know there are other females out there that weren't born with maternal instincts. My heart actually sank when I met my DH as a BF and he said he had a 7 yr old at the time. While dating, the SS only visited which was tolerable. We built a house together on the other half of his former marriage property so I knew the SS would be spending more time with us but didn't realize HOW MUCH! I'll have to say, our place is a better environment for a child to grow up but I just wish he'd grow up faster and help out in the process. I keep telling DH I can't believe the lazy load is HIS son! But I think you're right, once they start maturing and getting interested in the opposite sex, they begin the process of growing up. Lord I hope so. He already spends alot of time with his Mom and has a great relationship with her but as an older mom with an only child, I think she coddles him too much. Who am I too say...never had any kids - just the 4 legged furry ones that I spoil to death!

I'm so glad to hear your situation has improved and there's hope at the end of the perverbial tunnel. He's lucky to have a grandfather he admires and looks up to enough to take after his profession. I think all kids need a mentor or someone they respect besides parents to show them the right way of doing/saying/acting/eating/cleaning/grooming/etc.

Thanks for your response, I can't believe how much it helps to converse with others who feel your pain too.