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In a better place at this point of my SM life.

Shaman29's picture

It's weird to think just a few short years ago, I was going to leave DH because of the way he was dealing with his D. I was also going to leave because I was sick of him allowing his D to treat me like she just scraped me off of her shoes.

I've been reading about those of us with teenaged SDs that are sexually active and/or possibly pregnant and I am grateful that DHs kid did not turn out exactly like Uberskank. In fact, I'd be shocked if we found out she's had sex at this point (I'm really not being unrealistic here :)). She's a little goosey about relationships in HS and frequently comments on how some of her friends and girls she knows at school are screwing up their lives with sex, booze and unplanned babies. Two of her friends have already had abortions. A few girls in school are "moms" at 16 & 17.

Now she's no angel and a big pain in my ass at times. She's selfish, lazy and there are times when her sense of entitlement knows no bounds. I don't like or love her, however I don't hate her either. And if you had asked me a few years ago, I would have said she was headed down a bad road and I'd be surprised if she made it to 16 without getting pregnant. And forget about graduating from HS. Uberskank has spent the last 4 years living off of the system, so I often wondered if DH's kid would assume the world owes her and live off the system too.

However, she has calmed down a lot in the last year. She is trying to turn around her grades. She is already making plans to move to another state (for school) with a GF of hers. Because she effed around in 9th and 10th grade, she effed herself on a 4 year college. But she and this friend are looking into community colleges in the area they want to live.

She is working on building a decent relationship with DH. She's tries with me, but she burned, blew-up and pissed on the bridge between us. All I wish to offer her politeness and decency. This is all I feel I owe her.

She turns 18 in September. She is looking (sort of) for a job but has been lackadaisical about it, which DH and I attribute to the fact Uberskank doesn't work. DH believes she's concerned how weird it would be if she had a job and Uberskank didn't or that Uberskank will commandeer her paycheck.

All in all, I am looking forward to June of 2014. At that point, we’ll no longer need to have an extra bedroom for his kid and can move to a smaller place. We plan on relocating late 2015/early 2016 and want to pay off debt and save for the move. Barring any craziness from Uberskank, I’m getting more and more hopeful that I and my relationship with DH may actually survive this step thing.

I have been terrified of writing anything positive about my situation, out of fear I just jinxed myself.

Comments

HungryEyes's picture

Good for you. I like to hear stories that worked out. Did you disengage at some point, I assume? What did DH think of that?

I will hopefully be in your position in oh 15 or so years Sad

BSgoinon's picture

This is awesome. Kinda how I feel about my place as a SM. It's nice to be at peace with things.

Good for you!

RedWingsFan's picture

So glad for you! I'm in a great place now too, only because SD14 is estranged from us and lives with BM full time since June. Our lives are drama and bullshit free, our marriage is rock solid and we're now able to focus on US instead of "gee, what kind of crap is SD going to stir up this time!"

I won't have a relationship with SD if she returns to her father's life. I've done all I can for 2 years now and I'm not putting myself back out there to be slapped in the face again. I'll always be civil to her but she will not have that welcoming, happy SM in me, ever.

Smile

onebright1's picture

Yay you!!! I hope to be the one writting this exact same thing about OSD18 whom graduates HS this year.
I liked this part best
*"She's tries with me, but she burned, blew-up and pissed on the bridge between us. All I wish to offer her politeness and decency. This is all I feel I owe her. "*
Exactly how I feel about SD18, 14, 9 and 9. I dont even feel that I owe SD13 that much.
I am happy for you and hope it all works out as planned Smile