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What do you say to this skid???

Shaman29's picture

Okay. DH's kid was here for the weekend. She spent one night with friends and last night with us (no big deal).

On the way to take her home we stopped for dinner. She (17) started talking about leads on jobs and how much she can't wait to graduate and get out of the house. She then started telling us:

1. Skid has a port wine mark on a part of her body. It's not obvious unless you're looking for it. She recently went to a dermatologist about it, as she noticed a mole had developed in the same spot. Doctor said the mole was fine and he could remove both if she wanted. However, removing the mole would leave a scar. Skid decided to wait it out and decide after summer, because neither of these really bother her and she feels they are just a part of her body. She told Uberskank her decision and Uberskank told the skid "Well.....you realize that some day you'll be with a man, who will find that unattractive and may not want to marry you because of it."

:jawdrop:

2. Apparently last week, her younger siblings (not DH's, they both have their own father, see previous blogs) were picking on her. Telling her they hated her, telling her they're glad she's nearly 18 and almost out of the house. That they can't wait until she moves out. She got upset with them and (as she put it) got back in their faces. Uberskank then told the skid that it probably would be for the best when she just leaves.

Again :jawdrop:

Without maligning Uberskank, both DH and I backed up her decision to wait on having the port wine mark and mole removed. Especially if she wasn't comfortable with the scaring. She said, Why didn't my mother say this to me? She made me feel ugly. Shouldn't she have told me that he'd love me for who I am (warts and all). Both DH and I agreed with her and simply said Uberskank was out of line to say these things to her.

Then she started telling us about her sisters, but when she got to the part where Uberskank was not only agreeing with them but joining in, I nearly lost it. It took everything I had not to grab DH's keys to the car, drive to her town and kick the crap out of Uberskank. Instead both DH and I said her sisters were just being bratty and Uberskank should have told them to knock it off and not join in on their taunts.

WTH is wrong with this woman?? After all that DH's kid has done to me, why am I (and DH) the one reassuring her?? This is HER daughter, not mine! Aren't I the one that should be doing the you're ugly dance and I can't wait until I don't have to see your face anymore? How could her own mother say these things to her?

And before anyone asks.....yes I believe her. Believe you me, I don't trust this kid as far as I can throw her. However, these stories were told in a resigned, matter of fact way with no drama, tears or requests for money. There was underlying teenage anger, but without her exaggerating the circumstances (her normal way of telling lies).

I hope DH and I handled this correctly.

Comments

Shaman29's picture

DH believes that Uberskank no longer feels her daughter (who will soon be 18) is of any use to her. Also, DH's kid is a lovely girl, very smart with an outgoing personality. We both suspect Uberskank is jealous of these qualities and is in competition with her.

We are very careful not to malign her mother and keep our comments more towards encouraging her and not destroying her self esteem.

Shaman29's picture

Cheri - Thank you for responding.

I believe Uberskank was just out to hurt this kid in way she knows best. With her words. DH said she said similar things to him when they were married.

I don't have kids of my own, but my skin crawled when DH's kid was telling us about this. Partially because I can't fathom saying either of these things to my child. And the other part is that Uberskank and my own mother can be very similar in personalities. Both have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I have read "Children of the Self Absorbed" and plan on gifting this book to DH's kid after she moves out and goes to college. I feel Uberskank has done some damage over the last 17 years and this would be a good place for her to start.

Shaman29's picture

She lives about 1.5 hours from us, and she isn't interested in changing schools at this stage. This is the longest Uberskank has stayed in one place and the first time she's been in a school for more than two years.

She hopes that when she gets a job that she'll not be at home as often and will try and stick it out until she graduates next year.

Mostly I'm just appalled that a "mother" can say these things to here kid. Then again my own mother has behaved this way towards me too