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Not OT- I can't stand one of my SILs

SeeYouNever's picture

I have one SIL that is very sweet and has two young kids and another that is only a year younger but very immature and selfish, we are predicting she will be alone forever. She has taken on a child of divorce kind of attitude and acts entitled and plays up how she is "damaged" from my DH's divorce. She claims it's the reason she cant have a relationship. She was almost an adult when my DH got divorced and I sometimes think that she behaves how she thinks SD should be behaving. It's almost as though she lives vicariously through her as some damaged child of divorce whereas SD12 has actually coped pretty well. This sil also is the one who is obsessed with being everybody's favorite sister / Aunt / child. 

We told his family that we are expecting our second child this past weekend and it over all went well they are excited for us. However sil had to make comparisons to SD12 at every turn. My baby daughter was trying to crawl off the couch and my fil said that she was fearless, sil then jumps into say just like SD. The other sil who has two young kids never got these comparisons when her children acted that way and our daughter never gets compared to them even though they're closer in age. SD being fearless must have been before I met her because she is afraid of dirt and butterflies now. SIL then talked about how exciting and special it was for her to become an aunt with SD but now she gets new neices and nephews every year so it's a regular thing, but SD was the one that made her an aunt so she is special (barf). The other SIL threw some shade and said "yeah no one cares about the youngest" and gave her younger sister a glare haha SHE is my favorite SIL. ImmatureSIL pouted then she actually asked my DH who his favorite child was "SD right?" DH shut her down and said that lately SD has been a jerk and refusing to talk to him or visit and then asks sil if SD has returned any of her messages. SD hasn't which proved his point. 

I expect SIL to tell SD to scoop the news and tell SD we're having another baby. But SD isn't talking to her either so she might just tell BM, ugh.

The other SILs kids aren't old enough to understand when their aunt goes on about favorites but they will be soon. The next time she does this I'm going to say "hey SIL, when you were young did you have family members that played favorites? How did that make you feel? Then why are you trying to give another generation your same damage?"

Unless you all can phrase is better >:D


beebeel's picture

Save your breath. I would simply cutt off her access to my children completely if she continues to play stupid games.

HowLongIsForever's picture

Yep, this.  Play bitch games, win bitch prizes.

Blood relation doesn't entitle one to perpetuate abuse and dysfunction.  Sorry whatever wounded you so badly SIL that you feel the need to shit on a bunch of innocent toddlers but you don't heal your own wounds by creating them in others.  Hag.

Spare your kids the hurt and protect them from SIL.  If that means cutting her off now and forever more, so be it.  You owe her nothing.  You do owe your kids a healthy upbringing, though.  Maybe when SIL gets her shit together she can be part of that.

SeeYouNever's picture

You don't heal your wounds by creating them in others is a very good statement. 

This SIL is only around the bare minimum, my DH is on the same page that she is the center of his family drama and everything is fine until she instigates issues. He needs to get her out of his relationship with SD then everything will be much better for everyone.

Winterglow's picture

Who the HELL asks a parent which is there favourite child?! 

Oh wait ... When my twins were a couple of months old, my ex-SIL brought her kids over to meet my babies. My nephew at one point asked me which was my favourite - I thought his mother was going to curl up and die with shame (LOL)! He can be excused though, he was only 7 at the time. This is a story that none of us has ever let him forget Smile

SeeYouNever's picture

It's only cute if a kid does it! But if they're twins shouldnt you be asking which is the evil one? At least putting it that way you know it's a joke and not a play to create drama. 

Winterglow's picture

Lol! That never occurred to me. The girls have heard the story and they're the ones who tease him about it! 

Simpleton21's picture

She is "damaged" from your DH's divorce!?!? What a stretch for sympathy!  WTH!?!?!

Your SIL sounds bat $h!t crazy!  I agree with others, distance yourself from this loon, and let her know that the other SIL is your favorite Wink LOL!

strugglingSM's picture

I have a SIL (wife of DH's B, so maybe she's DH's SIL, not mine), who doesn't talk to either me or DH because she's so disgruntled over DH's divorce (which happened 8 years ago). It doesn't impact her life at all, so not sure why she feels entitled to an opinion, but it's awkward at small family gatherings when she turns her back to us, is completely silent around us (but not others), or sits off in a corner to avoid us. I should say that we are speculating that the divorce is what she is angry about, because the one time she spoke to me she told me that she a) didn't agree with DH's divorce; b) that she was upset that DH never calls his sister (he does, the sister never answers the phone); c) MIL meddles too much; and d) she and BIL will "never be rich". DH has asked BIL what the deal is and he says that SIL is not mad, it's just a "misunderstanding". MIL wanted me to make holiday arrangements with SIL and I told her that I couldn't because SIL doesn't talk to me. MIL told me that she was just a "bad communicator". It is so obvious that SIL is avoiding us that seven family and friends attending my wedding asked me what her deal was. I could only reply, "I don't know. She doesn't like DH for some reason." I think it's just as annoying that BIL and MIL act as if SIL is just being normal and we're crazy. It's one of the many reasons that I keep DH's entire family at arm's length.