Just whining and complaining
I'm sick of my in laws constantly comparing my baby DD to SD12.
My husband has started to compare her to SD too. He was so good about not comparing pregnancies but now that she is here he's making all these comparisons and assumptions about how DD is going to be the same.
My husband and in laws have tons of SD12 pictures on social media and none of DD.
My in laws constantly share old pictures of SD in our group chat saying that they miss her so much. Yet half the time when we ask them to visit us and see our baby they find excuses not to. Now it's different due to the virus but they are lamenting how they don't get to see SD.
We planned on having 2 kids and once DD arrived my husband has said he doesn't want anymore. I feel like this is a bait and switch and I want my DD to grow up with a sibling that loves her and grows up with her. SD is never going to be close to her and her family is not going to be accepting of DD for future holidays.
My husband brags about all the money he spent on SD including Tiffany jewelry, designer clothes, expensive gifts, and a freaking actual tiara. SD has been decked out in jewelry by all her grandparents since birth, not so for DD. My MIL actually split up a set of baby clothes so she could give some to DD and some to another baby she knew. DD didn't even get a whole gift.
It's a good thing my parents are doing on her, the problem is they live far away. Though my parents live 3x farther away they have seem the baby just as much as the inlaws.
Why did I do this? Why did I ever think being a part of this family was a good idea? Am I jealous? Yeah. Is it justified? Probably.
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I dont know your WHOLE story
But read through your other posts to gain perspective.
I dont know if this would be helpful at all, but here goes:
The same thing happens frequently among children by the same parents too. Munchkin SD13 still cries to this day that she feels "passed over for the favorite older sister". She feels that everyone likes Feral Forger better. They keep asking about her but havent really spoken in 3 years. The gparents on Bms side always spend more money (Like 300$ for Feral Forger SD21, 5$ for SD13, she saw a price tag on things...) She always trotted out examples, throughout the years...because I had no real answers.
So - 2 girls, from the same family. Now you have e2 different girls from 2 different mothers.
I just think the eldest was "shiny new thing to play with". Second is kind of business as usual.
Your husband not wanting more = he realized that kids are expensive!
True, I was a first child and
True, I was a first child and I noticed a difference with my brother, though over time it evened out.
My issue is more about how my husband and his family talk about the differences. I wouldn't care if I didn't know. I can only imagine when my daughter is old enough and hears about all the expensive gifts that SD got, or SD starts talking about them herself, then she starts asking where hers are. I'm not even materialistic, I feel like this situation is baiting me to be jealous of the disparity. Are my in laws really that clueless and rude to talk about these things or are they trying to get my goat? I think they miss BMs drama.
Your daughter
Deserves to be seen as her own person. Ive always been adn advocate for Munchkin SD13, because many just do not "see" her. I hope that doesnt happen to your daughter.
They seem EXTREMELY rude and clueless. That happens in DH's family as well.
Every time your H compares
Every time your H compares your baby to SD shut him down. Every. single. time. You are allowed to enjoy your time as a new mama without constantly being reminded that he’s been there done that, and taking away those special moments by making it about his other kid. Just, no. No no no no no.
More than that, your DD deserves to be recognized as her own freaking person, not a clone of his precious firstborn spoiled little brat. No, she won’t be exactly like SD because not only does she have a different mother, but she’s an entirely different human being. Imagine that. A person with her own thoughts, feelings, personality and everything. Who’da thought.
I’m a bitch about stuff like this, it’s one of the things that helps keep me sane in steplife. Yes, my husband has a past, I can see that as they visit us every other weekend (not right now obviously). But I don’t need to be reminded of them every time I talk about MY baby. And neither do you. You’re allowed to enjoy your time with your baby FREE of the memories of his precious poopsie, so tell him to stuff it.
As for your inlaws, put up walls and give back what they give to you. They aren’t your family, you don’t need to put effort into toxic relationships. Ultimately, you need to decide what’s best for you & your little girl. At some point she’ll be old enough to recognize the favouritism towards her half sister from her father & his family. Is it worth it to stay with this guy? I’m not saying leave, but taking time to reflect on how things are could do you a world of good. He sounds like an ass, and his family are a write-off.
Fuck em. Theyd never see my
Fuck em. Theyd never see my child. And your husband sounds like a dumb ass.