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Conversation this morning

secret's picture

This morning I asked DH if he had talked to ss over the weekend about what might have been said in school.. his response was that he did, and that the kid said "No dad...I didn't say anything...not about you!"

Now dh can be stupid.

I don't know if any of you picked up on that...and maybe it's my brain going in overdrive...

"Not about you!"

But about SOMEBODY... right? 

Anyway, when I was talking with DH this morning I made it crystal clear that if ss has involved me in any bullshit, that he will need to see ss outside the home from now on. Of course, DH got upset...again.

I told him to think about it like it was reversed...what if it had been one of MY kids that said something about him... true or false, it would be a mark on him...and would he want to be around that kid? What if my daughter, who was 8 when she met dh, would have said that he touched her? He wouldn't want to be alone with her ever again..right? Even if it wasn't true?

Because he would know that she would have been capable of that kind of heinous crap and it would destroy the dynamic of our family....

And so if his kid said something heinous about me, that he wouldn't be trusted either and I would prefer to protect my family from any more bullshit resulting from the lying that he,dh, never dealt with... so rather than having to take steps to walk around the situation, the situation simply wouldn't be allowed in the family dynamic.

He responded that if ss goes, he goes.

Sure, no problem!

I also explained to him the realities that if they were to find that ss would be better off away from his dad, that they could also make the decision that my kids should also not be there...and that would be unforgiveable.

He still thinks it's all bullshit and he plans to tell the lady off... told him yeah, great plan...lose your shit and get angry at her, go ahead and give her a reason to take ss out of this home... reminded him I told him this would happen...and that there's nothing he can do about it now, it's up to them to make the decision.

I didn't elaborate or anything...because he seemed scared enough with that, so I didn't bother telling him that they prefer to work with families etc... and told him he best prepare to figure out when and where he's going to see his kid...cuz if the shit hits the fan, it won't be here.

Of course, I'm cruel...heartless...he's just a kid...

Yes...and evil manipulative little shit that YOU created and molded, dh! You have nobody to blame but yourself! Have a nice day!

While dh is shitting himself at work all day... I took the day off work... and am happily binging Netflix shows while waiting for my chocolate chip to finish baking, so that I can go take a nice long hot bubble bath with a tray of goodies and relaaax !


Harry's picture

That SS reported you to CPS , or else they would not be at your door,   That SS is not allowed into your home.  That DH can do visitation somewhere else,   Stick with it.   DH will never understand what POS his kid is,

secret's picture

We don't actually know WHAT ss said.... it could be something totally stupid, like he had to stay in his room for a week...or that his dad yelled at him...who knows. 

We'll know tonight!

CLove's picture

All along, SS has been targeting YOU. But all Dh cares about was that it "wasntabout HIM". 

WELL, I hope you have all your financial ducks in a row for possible separation. DH is in over his head on this, that much is clear.

secret's picture

Don't forget it's MY assumption that ss said something about me... just from the comment ss said to dh. 

It might be nothing.

It could be that DH shot a rabbit and then we ate it...

It literally could be anything.

It could also have been about BM, and they're checking in with us to cover all bases. 

Really don't know.... but for sure dh is still shitting himself because he asked me if my mother could come over while CAS is here. (She's a lawyer)

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Wow, he's really quite dumb, isn't he? And hamstrung by ego, to boot.

Good on you for laying truth on him and drawing a hard boundary. Please, please update us on how the home visit goes!

secret's picture

Yes, yes he is. Not the brightest bulb in the box when it comes to his kid....

tog redux's picture

Your DH is the type to double-down instead of admitting he's wrong, isn't he? Good for you for not falling for his attempts to bully you back into compliacne.

secret's picture

Oh yes. He'd rather argue until he pisses me off than have to make his kid mad by punishing him....then he'll start with the "well YOUR kids...."

MY kids are irrelevant for this conversation...we're Not dealing with the fact my 16yr old left her hair products all over the bathroom... we're dealing with the fact your kid did xyz... 

lieutenant_dad's picture

I'm always amazed by people who are "the problem" when they throw out "I'll just leave then!"

Like...okay? That just solves MY problem. It's probably not my favorite solution, but it is a solution. If it's also their solution, then who am I to argue?

secret's picture

I didn't think it would come to this point. We've had our ups and downs, but we really only argue when his kid has done something dh doesn't want to address.

It's a major one, though..not one I want to dismiss.

lieutenant_dad's picture

And you shouldn't ignore it. This was something that could have been avoided, or at least addressed, and he just chose not to address it. It hurts, but not because you're being a b*tch or overdramatic. It's this bad because he just didnt think it was important until it became a problem. Boohoo on him.

secret's picture

One hour until this lady arrives. 

I have had a fantastic day with my teens... my son had college (online) but it's one of my girls free days (2 days one week at school, 3 days the next week) so we had a blast!

Cranked up the music and belted out old 80s tunes....watched the first Narnia movie... and then they helped me make pie crust for chicken pot pie for supper, which should be ready soon.

Dh has been texting me all afternoon with panicky questions... I keep responding that we should just wait and see what she says.

I'm absolutely livid this is going on... hella irritated... but also somewhat amused.

Countdown begins lol




mommadukes2015's picture

I'll give you my favorite line of advice: we don't fight to be right, we fight to be understood. 

what do you want him to understand and is he willing to understand it? The answers to those two questions will lay out everything you need to know to make moves going forward. Stay strong mama you got this ❤️