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Musings of a step parent

secondplace's picture

I don't blog much, and try not to judge people as I have not walked in their shoes. The following are just a few tidbits of random thoughts etc. that I'm sure many of us have had in our step parenting life.


We have the skids EOWE and every Tuesday evening, probably your typical visitation schedule. There are no real problems with the skids (they’re annoying and can be drama queens), but I came to this site a couple of years ago feeling like the “outsider” in my own home. Things have gotten better as the skids (SD14 and SD12) have gotten older, but I still have thoughts from time to time and I thought I would share them.

On a skid free weekend, I wake up Sunday morning, and think yuck, I have to go to work tomorrow. When the skids are here, I wake up Sunday morning and think, yay, they’re going home tonight.

Sometimes, when I hear the car pull into the driveway, I think “damn, the Xanax hasn’t kicked in yet”.

Why do I feel like a b*tch when I say no to something they’ve asked? I never felt that way when I said no to my own kids.

Why do I always feel the urge to say no when they ask for something?

If my own kids wanted to try some of my restaurant meal, I had no problem sharing, and would often offer them a taste. I get really annoyed when I see the SDs eyeing up mine or DH’s plate, knowing they’re going to ask if they can have some.

Sometimes I do things that seem really nice for the SD’s, but in reality I have an ulterior motive. For example, I make sure the air conditioning is on in our weekend RV so they’ll be comfortable. In reality I would just rather them stay in there so they aren’t outside bugging us all weekend.

I don’t like being asked “what’s for dinner” and have someone peeking over my shoulder. The answer is usually “Food” or “why don’t you take a guess”. I usually say it somewhat nicely, at least in my opinion I do.

I use a lot of sarcasm, and usually it’s taken as if I’m being humorous, but often I’m not. Like, if you look up the word annoying in the dictionary, you will see SD14’s picture…..ha ha ha. Everyone laughs….

I hate when they sit in my chair. Even if I don’t particularly need to sit in my chair that moment, I will come up with an excuse, so they have to move.

I told DH that the girls need to find friends at our R.V. park so they will want to continue to come on the weekends when they get older. You know what the real reason is. If they’re busy with friends, they won’t be hanging all over us.

I like it when we have company over, or if we go to someone else’s house when we have the skids. It takes the focus off of them and breaks up the weekend nicely.

Yes, I count the number of hours left in any given skid weekend.

Sometimes, even before my skid free weekend, I start to think about the next weekend, which is not. This makes me depressed. I gotta stop that.

I was almost hoping BM would break up with her boyfriend. Before she had him, she had trouble giving up the kids as she was so lonely without them. Now that she has a boyfriend, she doesn’t mind if DH has extra time….yippee.

If the skids have something else they want to do on DH’s weekend, I tell DH, “well it’s not really fair to the kids if you say no”. While I do believe that to be true, there is still some smug satisfaction on my part.

I can’t believe I have a fourteen year old SD who still wears diapers to bed.

Why were my kids happy with Walmart clothing, and his kids have to wear all brand name stuff?

Why do his kids (well one of them) always want the most expensive thing on the menu?

I try to be extra quiet in the morning so the skids will sleep in later.

I encourage their reading etc. Keeps them from interrupting my conversations.

Why does their screaming out songs from the back seat not annoy my DH? I keep waiting for him to say something, especially since we can’t hear the radio over them.

Why am I not allowed to listen to my own radio station in my own car?

Why do all the other kids seem to be able to make friends easily…..except my SD’s.

Feel free to add more!


whatwasithinkin's picture

OWhy was I stupid enough to take this child back into my home? I understand why BM now beat the shit out of her.

If she is not home and DH says he has to go pick her up do I immediatly roll my eyes AND SAY GREAT!

Why when something goes missing do I think immediatly how she has taken it and some how sabatoged it?

Why when DH tells me SD stayed after school for this or that do I automatically think she has dentention?.

And I question why because I know why I think this way...the proof is in the pudding.

And if you think counting the hours is bad try counting the months til I can kick her ass to the curb. June 30, 2014 is my deadline for her to be out and DH has been told. She will be told in June of 2013. She will gonto BM for the summer and she will be told prior to her departure. She can go cry to BM and BM can be the hero. Maybe if I am lucky BM will feel her DD is so slighted she should come live with her and finish out her senior year. One could hope right?

Anne Boleyn's picture

I also count the hours on our weekends. I simply cannot wait for those weekends to be over and to get my home and life back. It's weird when you feel love for them but really deep down wish you didn't have to have them around so much.

Gabriels Mom's picture

I have a rule in my car, To quote Dean (Jensen Ackles) from Supernatural "Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole." I have said this to DH and SS. I even have a t-shirt that says it.

I hate taking DH's truck if I have to listen to the Glee movie soundtrack one more time I may slit my own throat.

mimi719's picture

The time when the skids are here always seems much longer than the times DH and I are alone. We have them 50% of the time.

You bet I'm counting the hours.