Ha! So here's my vent, plus a little encouragement...

This relationship with SO has really taken its toll on me. Honestly, I can't blame it on him, though, but his kids, their BM, and his family has made life for the past three years a living hell. I've had my life (and SO's) threatened by SO's father ("I killed in Vietnam, blood shed doesn't bother me, I can do it again"), I've been smeared on social media, I've been lied about, manipulated, used, and verbally attacked. I think what hurts the most is that the SKs can flip and cause so much pain and forget all that I've done for them. We were never a EOWE family. They were ALWAYS welcome. Even when SO wasn't here, I watched, and took care of six children(not to mention a slew of their friends). I formed relationships, I worked to make us a family. At one point, I thought we were. Sure, SO made some parenting mistakes in the past, before he came into my life, but haven't we all? He worked too many hours to provide the material wants and needs for BM and his three girls. He tried to discipline ("Wait till your daddy gets home...") only to have any punishment overturned by BM the next day.

I guess I was no better than BM. When he should have, and wanted to put his foot down, I prevented it, because I didn't want to rock the boat. I just wanted peace. I thought it would get better, and was ignorant for wanting them to feel "at home" here, at my expense, and the expense of my children, and my relationship with SO.

There was a discussion on ST about the health repercussions that many of us face due to the enormous stress in our lives. I went to the doctor yesterday, and my blood pressure was 157/107, and that is while I'm on 200 mg of Toprol, and 25 mg of HCT. I deal with anxiety, depression, and sometimes drink to excess. I have actually begun to wonder if I'm crazy, as accused.

Damn right, I'm crazy. How can ANYONE give everything they have emotionally, only to be disrespected, screamed at, cursed at, in my own home, not to mention the smear campaigns that follow?

However, I have made the decision to be happy, and to love those that love me, and foster those relationships.

At first, I felt guilty for disengaging, but no more. You ladies have given me the strength that I need to finally put myself, my kids, and SO ahead of all those that just want to bring us down. I still have horrible days, but I AM healing. I have started to see a therapist and I am working toward a happy life.

For those of you struggling, decide what YOU need out of life, and move toward that. NO ONE will take care of you but YOU. Respect yourself first, and the rest will follow. If they don't, get them out of your life. Life is too short to allow others to make you miserable. You are in control.

You WILL recover. Set your mind to it. I've only had one therapy session, but just making that decision has given me HOPE. Finally. Trust me, I was in a dark, dark place where I could see no way out, no happiness in my future, no solutions, and I knew I had to get help when I started having suicidal thoughts. NO ONE is worth that. I have an amazing man, wonderful children, and I will NOT let ANYONE steal that from me. There are some incredible women on here offering support, use them (us).