"Surprise" visits from Skids.
BM2's kids (SS4 and SS10) have been coming for surprise extra visits 1-2x a week for the past couple months. This is from the BM who, after losing custody for burning her house down while high on drugs (with skids inside), refused to let us see the Skids at all for 3 months after she regained custody. And now (approx 1yr later) she jumps at any chance to leave them with us. Last week she had a doctors appointment so she figured since they had to come here for an hour they may as well just stay here for the night. I don't even know the other reasons, I stopped asking.
OH is ecstatic he is getting his kids more often. Normally we get them every weekend. I feel like that's plenty compared to some people ha. It just bothers me that he jumps to take them every time she comes calling for him to. She must love having a free babysitter that enables her to not be a parent and likely go off and do drugs. Of course I can't say any of this to OH because he just loves having them here all the time. Ugh. Obviously I play along but it stresses me out pretending to be happy all the time when I'm miserable. When I come home from work I want to relax and watch my shows, not entertain children and watch them play video games or kids shows and eat junky food because they won't eat any real food.
I feel like my relationship is inevitably doomed because I will never be happy with Skids in our life and I will never be able to accept playing second fiddle to BM. Sigh.
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Comments
I disagree. Most court orders
I disagree. Most court orders are set up with a first refusal for a reason. If my stepdaughter had lived near us when she was young I would have welcomed every chance for her father to get to see her. If it were my kids and my husband and I were divorced there's no way I would ever say no to having them and if I current husband had a problem with that he can f*** off and move out.
I have raised my high functioning autistic stepson for the last 5 years since he was 5 years old. That made us a family of 5 we bought a minivan to accommodate. It never occurred to me to say no, kids arent baggage thier just little people. We took every extra weekend we could before that and she lived nearby and the kids were old enough I would have given the kids keys to the house to come and go as they please. I think a lot of problems that step mothers have in their relationships with their step kids is making the kids feel like they're outsiders or visitors in the parents home. Well I'll be damned there is no red headed step children in this house. They have just as much right to be here as DH and my own BIOS do.
Honey your relationship was
Honey your relationship was doomed the day your BF told you he would go back to BM if she ever got off drugs and got her life together.
No matter how messed up BM may be, she is the woman he loves and wants to be with.
I don't get. If you didn't
I don't get. If you didn't want his kids you and can't deal with them you shouldn't be with someone who has children. You're not saying that they're nasty to you in any way shape or form. They are simply existing as normal kids do. If you have kids they will be the same ie wanting to watch cartoons and balling at the healthy food options you give them.
^^^THIS^^^ it's a moot point
^^^THIS^^^
it's a moot point for us now, but in the past this used to drive me absolutely insane! i might be feeling a pizza/movienight/cuddle evening, and walk in the house after work and see skids sprawled on the sofa w/ the video games.
it just totally made my brain hiccup. DH took it as "you hate my kids" *rme*
not knowing what your own home life will be like on any given day definitely throws some of us for a loop. (especially someone like me who's totally anal, and a taurus to boot!)
skids being there was not a bad thing at all. i just would have liked a 'heads up' so i could mentally adjust (or more of a heads up than "can u stop and get such and such on your way home for this skid?" "huh? oh, u've got the kids??")
This happens to me with my
This happens to me with my bios as well as step kid with the stupid video games. Finally I Instituted a rule, No video games on school nights and I got an extra TV off Craigslist and rearranged stuff so all the gaming systems are hooked up to it. They have those little rocking gaming chairs and bean bag chairs so I am not always tripping over them. They wear head phones so we don't have the games warring with the sound of the TV. It can work if you make it. I am a cancer so I get it. I like order and I am as stubborn as they come. Since marriage I have learned how to make order from chaos.
You do matter but a couple
You do matter but a couple hours a week does not a marriage break. There are 365 days in a year. EOW gets DH to see his kids for 48 of them even seeing kids 2 extra afternoons a week on adds 96 days for a total of 130 days and they aren't even full days just a few hours. That still leaves 235 kidless days and evenings. If she can't bond over 235 days then it just isn't there.
Yeah I missed that every week
Yeah I missed that every week trying to read on my tiny phone.
I agree about routine. My dh
I agree about routine. My dh has every weekend and began adding additional nights last minute with no consultation because bm had plans. I stopped that fairly quickly because she already has more time with her partner from Friday to Sunday than I have with mine and gets to go out while I do not. I didn't think it was right to be an unpaid babysitter based around bm social life. That being said we have now sorted things so that we can provide notice of any changes required and should she need an occasional night for a particular reason I am happy to take skid and accommodate.
How many parents out there
How many parents out there are willing to turn down extra time with their children???
The poor man wants as much time as he can get with his kids. As long as he isn't pawning them off on the OP, I don't see why it's a problem.
^^^^^^^^Exactly^^^^^^^^^^ Mos
^^^^^^^^Exactly^^^^^^^^^^
Most of the BMs want the kids, legally on paper, with them most of the time to get the CS $$. Then, they know the dad will jump at the chance for extra time so she acts like she's doing him a favor by letting the kids spend more time at his house. Nope, she's doing herself a favor. Raking in CS $$ and free babysitter. Now they have someone to watch the kids while they go out for drinks with their besties on the CS dime.
So, your DH must be paying
So, your DH must be paying CS, right? OK, BM gets the kids back, gets her CS check rolling in...and now dumps the kids on you & your DH but because it's not "his time" she is still getting CS as if they're with her. Your DH needs to go to court to get things modified. If he's got the kids so much more he should be paying less CS. I'd be willing to bet if there is a risk of CS being lowered she'll stop dumping them.