And I know it's 100% all in my head.

The SKids were here from 10/11-4, they were all well behaved the entire time, everyone was extremely happy with their presents and there were no issues.

But I can't help but feel sad and disdainful. Firstly, because I can't comprehend how god damn spoiled these kids are. It's just excessive the amount their parents got for them this year. Each kid got a brand new Xbox with a handful of games, one got a bicycle, one got a pingpong table and a pogo stick, they all got a ton of toys and art supplies, clothes, hats, shoes, expensive headphones, iPods, bike parts, one kid got a leather couch, and other things I'm probably forgetting to list. It seems like they got one of everything that any kid could possibly want for Christmas. It kind of sickens me. No kid needs that much shit at once. I could see maybe one big thing and other little things, but it's like everything they got was a big expensive thing. I can live with that fact though, it's excessive to me but it's not my money so whatever.

The part that really has me down is just how left out I felt today. I have no bio kids and was unable to visit my own family this year, so my entire Christmas was based around my OH and his kids. And I did not enjoy feeling like a stranger at someone else's Christmas celebration. The kids are all grasping for OH's attention "Dad look at this! Dad are you watching!?" I swear I heard the word 'Dad' from someone atleast once every 5 minutes all day. I couldn't get a damn word in, so I stopped trying. I cleaned and just silently witnessed their family activities as an outsider. It was really depressing. I didn't say anything to OH, of course, because I know this is all just me and my thought process that is making me feel this way. I'm sure if I felt like trying to include myself into what the Skids were doing they'd be accepting.. But I don't remember Christmas ever having to be so much work to feel like part of the family. And I guess that's because I was always with my family. Bleh.

Happy Christmas. I'm enjoying a cold beverage and relishing in the fact that I have a few more days off work.