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BM/BF crying during pick up and/or drop off?

sammmx's picture

Submitted by sammmx on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 4:42pm

My newest dilemma. It sickens me, even typing this I shudder. Anyway...

So BM went through a phase of withholding SS3 from BF. I guess after 2 months of being a 'full time mom' (which she has NEVER done before) she has decided she's had enough of that and is allowing BF visitation again.

So the past three times SS3 has been here (one weekend and two days), both BM and my BF have exhibited some strange and to this point, unseen behavior. It grosses me out and angers me and makes me uncomfortable and just generally irks me.

Basically, when they do the switch over, they both cry and apologize to each other. Like, "I'm sorry I have to take him, will you be okay?" "I feel so guilty things have to be this way, I am so sorry" Etc etc. Um wtf? this has been happening for THREE YEARS NOW people... why all of a sudden is it so hard and upsetting?

UGHHHH. It seriously makes me want to gouge my eyes out. Fucking get over it... It's like this for a reason. And I will tell you it has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE KID. BLEH.

Comments

cant win for losin's picture

Submitted by cant win for losin on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 4:50pm

:jawdrop: I am speechless. Although, I will tell you the first thing through my mind....is that they aren't "over" one another. I mean, really who cries over that shit. Maybe cry because you are saying bye to your kid, miss your kid, or whatever, but to cry over the other person?! !?!?!?!?

I don't like it one bit!

imjustthemaid's picture

Submitted by imjustthemaid on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 4:54pm

Ugh I would not be able to stand there and listen to that without saying something!! I think that is so weird!!

borrowedtime83's picture

Submitted by borrowedtime83 on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 4:56pm

I will admit that I have done it before, but under the circumstance that the BF was prone to kidnapping my child, and was essentially blackmailing me into letting him take her. If there are no such circumstances, then, yes, EEW! I could not sit back and watch that.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 5:06pm

UN-FUCKING-REAL! :O

Sooo I have to ask this...WHY on Earth are you still with this man-baby? I just gotta know why!!!

I agree with the above poster, he/they are sooo not over eachother. If my BF ever did that just ONCE I would be G.O.N.E

Coco's picture

Submitted by Coco on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 5:10pm

:jawdrop: Holy inappropriateness. I would go insane over something like this. RUN, RUN, RUN!!!

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 5:34pm

Uhhh... I don't even know what to say. I have never heard of such behavior. That is craziness. BM used to apologized and cry to SS when he was really little, that she "had to make him go to daddy's", and that was some pretty effed up stuff right there. But I have never heard of the other way around.

sammmx's picture

Submitted by sammmx on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 5:38pm

Yeah it's pretty fucked up !!! Not to mention this NEVER happened until the past three times after she withheld him for 2 months. Like what the hell changed that I am unaware of??? URGGGH.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 5:52pm

Oh for heaven sakes. Those two need to stop playing games and just get back together.

He has already told you he still loves her. He's moving a box full of her crap from house to house.

Now the two idiots are crying during the drop off.

Please.

How much more of this are you going to take?

sammmx's picture

Submitted by sammmx on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 6:33pm

I am seeing it more and more each day. I just don't know what to do about it. We literally JUST moved into our new house together (as of the beginning of October) and I have no where to go in the city I live in (and I signed a work contract to keep my job until March 2013). I am just stuck. I am so worn out from this relationship. I don't even get upset about it anymore, I feel like I am living with a friend or a roommate or something. I am so sick of being a second class citizen in my own home... I am just done with it. I have totally disconnected myself from him and his life... that is as far as I have gotten, I have no idea where to go from here...

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 6:37pm

Start planning now. If you have to wait a 6 months, then start stashing money away so you can get a place. Start looking for a job a few months in advance. Who knows, maybe in that time, something will change and you two will work it out. If not, you are prepared to make your move. As long as it is living like room mates and not constant fighting then maybe you can stick it out? March of 2013 is really not that far away.

imjustthemaid's picture

Submitted by imjustthemaid on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 6:42pm

You are so young to be dealing with all this bullshit!! Like the others said, plan your escape. It may take time but at least you are working towards a goal. You should be #1 in his life and he makes it very obvious you are not. Its not fair to you at all.

When I wanted to escape from my crazy exh, I slowly put all of my important stuff into storage. That way when I told him I was leaving I already had everything like pics of DD and stuff like that. I left him all the furniture and just took my clothes. It took me 2 years to save up the money to leave. Best move I ever made!

You deserve to be happy!

notagain2012's picture

Submitted by notagain2012 on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 7:22pm

Run! Omg! I'm so sorry this is happening. It makes me angry and its not even my relationship.

They are still emotionally involved, one way or another and I'm guessing there are a lot of conversations you have missed. Get out and leave his ass high and dry. I know its hard, but you do whatever you have to and find a man that will love you, and not drag you into this. Take out a loan, rent somewhere week to week, stay at a friends but GET OUT!

CaptainD's picture

Submitted by CaptainD on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 8:21pm

Yeah Jesus life is hard enough without living it with a man who loves someone else.
Not.worth.it.

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Sat, 11/03/2012 - 9:55am

Your bf is emotionally unavailable to you as his head is somewhere else. You deserve someone who is invested in YOU, not throwing your morsels which you should be grateful for because you "love" him. Who wants or needs to be the back up plan? If he loves his ex and they are crying all over each other like that, then YOU are second choice (I am sorry I don't want to hurt you but I can't lie).

You deserve someone who adores you and who you are first choice for!

Take on board all the advice you have been given. I can only imagine your head is muddled and what with obvious recent changes made in your life, its made it worse in terms of knowing what path to go down.

See, people will lie. They use words to lie. Fortunately for us and unfortunately for them, you can usually figure out their true character and intentions through their actions/behaviour. There is only so many minute in a day a person can be fake, eventually their true nature leaks through. So believe what you see, trust your instinct (its there to protect you from harm).

So you moved in together? Check with some legal eagle whether you can extract yourself from the contract. Same for your employment. If you cannot with your job, then see if you could move in with someone for the duration for you to find something else in the location of your choice because impo by allowing this strange and dysfunctional triangle to continue its damaging you, your confidence and please please do not allow this man the opportunity to screw with your future like he is with your present!