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Independence

Sam2's picture

Well life just keeps getting interesting.    So BM has been here since mid-November and SS went to stay with her.  About three weeks ago he had friends over to her house and they decided to get a apartment together.   They are all seventeen and none of them have graduated high school yet, SS isn't even enrolled in school.   SS will be 18 next month.  None of them have a job.   Well anyway, SS now has an apartment that mom has rented for him.  She will pay the first couple of months rent and then he'll take over.   The two friends invovled will be going to college in the Fall.

This is the boy who barely and rarely ate when he was living here with his dad and me.  Rarely to never washed his sheets by himself.  Rarely showered or even woke up before noon and needed to be reminded to take his meds.  This is also the same boy who a week or so after Thanksgiving ran out into the night because he forgot to take said medication and had a meltdown.   He also has a possible heart problem , has a diagnosis of mild autism.  Could barely wake up to go to school when schoool was in person and hasn't done any school work since last March.  He did hold a job that he got about a 100.00 every two weeks.  He ran a projector for a outdoor movie three nights a week.  A job his dad got for him with his connections to the owner.   

It makes me mad.  And yes I will admit jealous.  My daughter is 23 and trying to get a apartment with a friend who is also 23.  They've put in applications for the apartments they can afford, about 500 each.  The apartments they are considering are in a nice part of town and look safe.  In fact I have a friend who lives nearby.  The apartment the SS has is in a somewhat questionable part of town but people have expensive cars so it must be nice.   DD and her friends are looking for furniture for their apartment and assessing what they have and what they need to buy as well as their budget.  I just know because there has been no talk that BM will buy her son and his friends all new furniture for his apartment.  

I'm trying to have the same attitude as my daughter.  She says that it means more that she is getting the apartment on her own merit and staying within her budget.    Unless SS works fulltime and his friends work fulltime I don't think he can afford a apartment.  

Trying to disengage and really I think what does it matter except I don't know.   Just venting I guess. 

Comments

JRI's picture

There's no comparison in the two scenarios, Imo.  Your SS's situation is a fantasy that will turn into a nightmare.with underage, unemployed boys, one, at least, of which has medical issues he doesn't address.  Your daughter is taking a sensible path that will be successful.

I would detach and watch your finances, somebody is going to have to pay for SS's place and I hope it's not you and DH.  

  

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Your DD is realistic and making reasonable decisions. That is what you should focus on. As far as as SS goes, it's not your responsibility to be more concerned about him than his parents are. Just make sure to set some limits with DH regarding any financial assistance.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

of this apartment that BM rented for SS does not even know BM herself is not living there and instead it is underage not yet graduated highschool boys.... so there really is no comparison at all like the others have said. Luckily, either BM or SS has to of signed the lease meaning one or really most likely BM will be the one to have to pay the price if he defaults on payments. Your DD should be proud of her independence, your SS is a ship waiting to sink

tog redux's picture

Be grateful that he's out of your house, and make sure DH doesn't let him move back in when this fails (because it will fail). This is just Disney Mom behavior on BM's part.

hereiam's picture

It makes me mad.  And yes I will admit jealous. 

Don't be jealous. Your daughter is, and will be, a much better, wiser, more independent, more grateful, thankful person than your SS will ever be.