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Crazy SD trying to have me evicted???

sahmofthree's picture

Yes, my account is brand new. I had one years ago but didn't think my situation was STalk worthy since. 

My late husband was a single father to a daughter. They lived in a house together after his ex died. She was 14 when my husband and I got married. Quite honestly the daughter had personality problems. I tried to help, but everything was an issue and would end in a fight, so I just focused on my own children. She got accepted to college and I insisted she dorm even though she was technically still 17. I wanted her to launch. The first year was great. She was here during holidays, but quite honestly I was done. 

My husband passed away in an accident a month ago. While I tried to get him to make a will, he'd stalled, said he was too young, and here we are. We fought, but she left after getting some of her things while I was running errands. When I returned, there was a deadbolt locking both her bedroom and the entrance to the basement. She refused to take my calls. On Tuesday, I came home to an EVICTION notice on my door. What. The. F.

She's apparently moving to evict me from my own house, which she claims is hers, and is slamming me on social media for "abusing" her in her teenage years.

 I immediately called my lawyer, and we looked into it. Apparently, my husband had lied to me. He was never on the deed after BM and DH married. The house was only BMs (gotten it prior to marriage), and SHE was used to the idea of early death, so there was a proper will and trust. The name on the deed was SDs. I DIDN'T KNOW THIS. 

Her posts on social media are so inaccurate. 

1. DH and I hadn't "never spoken about this". We had, and he lied through his teeth. I guess he was ashamed.

2. I didn't "ban her from her own house" over the holidays. I asked her if she might stay with other family, because I was planning to host a Thanksgiving and I needed her bedroom for my parents.

3. The incidents she claims are isolated. Yes, I did deface a mirror with a tube of horrible purple lipstick, but it wasn't because I hated her. It was during a fight where she wanted to wear it to church. I was pregnant, she was 15, it wasn't a good time. It was just a fight that went too far. 

4. She's not Wiccan "by birth". One member of her biological family is, and she latched on to the edgiest part possible. 

5. I didn't cut her off from her family. She still very much regularly spoke to and met up with them. God forbid you try to tell someone they shouldn't associate with wackos and losers. 

6. I've been a SAHM since baby #2 was born.

She's getting a ton of support on social media. She's made a very fake offer to "keep" the children (MY CHILDREN) because she "only really needs her abuser (me) gone". This is good enough for the hoard to say that she's a good person. 

I don't even know how to fight this. Obviously, SD isn't welcome here ever again. I have a month to come up with a way to fight this. This is right in the middle of the holidays! Winter is coming if not here! I don't have the money to move, and I'm 6 months pregnant! Who would hire me? I have a lawyer and we're trying to find something to challenge SDs ownership of the house or some way to delay this. This is a nightmare.

Every stepkid's fantasy, am I right?

 

Edit: She apparently has big plans to make this house into a group home for her and her weird friends. 

I have spoken to my lawyer about the deadbolts. As long as she opens them with a police escort, it's legal. SD claims (through her lawyer) that it's to prevent me from stealing or destroying things that aren't mine.

Comments

ESMOD's picture

I'm sorry for the loss of your husband and it is very unfortunate that he wasn't honest with you about the situation with the house.

Did BM pass away?  If so, it seems that your DH may have had some claim.. at least partial to the home legally.. whether he put his name on the deed or not.. there might be a chance to do it posthumously?  Then.. if he had some ownership... then some of HIS ownership would have most likely passed to you even without a will depending upon probate law in your state.

But.. unfortunately, SD still may have enough ownership/control to make you move.  It's unfortunate that she is airing dirty laundry on social media.. and it sounds like there is 'enough" truth in what she is saying.. though twisted.. that it might be difficult to take legal action.  

Sometimes the fight isn't worth the end result.. and what would that result be?  I think in the end.. you would still be out of that home... and it's really your husband's fault that this situation got teed up like this.  I know this is hard.. but I would be focusing on myself and if moving out gives you less stress than trying to fight her.. I would do it.

sahmofthree's picture

I can't move right now. 

Co-owning a house with SD sounds like a nightmare and a half, but if it delays a move until I have time to give birth, have some semblance of maternity time, and get enough money to be truly independent, I might have to take it. I'll look into this. It's complicated because the house was something BM inherited prior to marriage. DH didn't, apparently, pay anything for it.

ESMOD's picture

I don't know that you have a choice.. you likely will be FORCED to move via eviction.  

Unless your lawyer says you have some hard claim to the home.. you need to prepare to leave now.  Your parents? other relatives?  

Unfortunately, it is what it is right now... and you have to figure out how to deal with situation and it's constraints.

Was there any other estate.. life insurance policy that you might have been a beneficiary of?  

It sounds like you don't have much legal standing with the home.. so you need to prepare your next move.. 

i know it's not great timing.. but I don't think you have many options.

sahmofthree's picture

She's hoping we can delay because it is winter and I have two kids and am heavily pregnant with a 3rd. 

He had 50k life insurance, which is pending. We only have 20k in the bank, which I need for living expenses and to pay medical costs. We had more, but hospital stays are costly.

I don't have family that can accommodate a family of four long term! I would need at least half a year. 

mro's picture

Did he have any retirement funds like an IRA or 401k?  Were you joint owner on the bank accounts

ESMOD's picture

Before paying any of your DH's bills (those you are not also a cosigner on).. please seek competent legal advice.  You may not be resonsible for HIS medical bills.. his  estate may.. but that wouldn't include his life insurance.. and if you had a joint acct with that 20K.. you probably got ownership of that money automatically in a "joint Right of survivorship" situation..

So.. the  medical bills would be paid from what is in his "estate" (of course depends upon your local law).. and if his estate is insolvent with no assets (remember life ins goes to the beneficiary.. and the money in bank in a joint acct should most likely go to joint acct holder).. then the debt basically would die with him.

So.. don't send them money... not until you are SURE you really need to.  You need to preserve every penny that may be your entitlement.

SteppedOut's picture

I agree. If it was bm's PRIOR to marriage and she put sd on the deed, it is sd's house. It sucks, but it is not as fault, it is your husband's fault for lying. 

If y'all havent had a mortgage payment, surely you had decent savings? And a family with young children surely had life insurance policies? Is there a pending law suit regarding the vehicle death of your husband (is another party involved who is at fault?).

 

sahmofthree's picture

His life insurance is small, and pending. His death is being investigated as a suicide as he (we think) fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a railing. No other car involved. So we may not get it at all.

STaround's picture

Dont you and your children get social security?

notarelative's picture

I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry your DH thought he didn't need a will. I am sorry he was not honest with you. But, as hard as it is, you have to accept that the house is SD's. It never belonged to DH. He may have had dower rights to stay, but they do not extend to you.  You need to move. 

Since your husband died without a will, you are going to need to sit down with a lawyer and go over what happens where you live in this circumstance. Accounts that are joint, accounts you are listed as beneficiary, 401ks covered by federal law, these will come to you. But, anything else (including a settlement of the accident) is covered by state law and (depending on the state) may have to be split by a preset percentage among you and all his children. 

There is no way this is not going to be  huge mess. Accept that and deal with it. 

captjacksprrw's picture

OK I am noo lawyer and do not know what State you live in.  Most states I have lived in require a specific process.  If she locked you out and you live there, call the local police and explain the situation.  An officer should escort you to get back in.  Get a lawyer asap and be clear to SD That you are fighting this with legal means.  Document document document.  She cannot bar you or throw you out without the State's legal process.  As for social media, look into Slander/Libel.  Go full court press cut her no slack

sahmofthree's picture

She hasn't locked me out of the house, just two rooms. I've already verified that that was legal and honestly nothing in her room or the basement is mine or my kids'. She will need to open them for the police but she will. 

As to slander, it's hard to prove. I did rip up a creepy picture of hers and deface a mirror with lipstick. It just didn't happen in the context she's claiming. She has timestamped pictures of both those events. It comes down to who's more believable. SD is clean cut and well spoken now. 

ESMOD's picture

SD has initiated a legal eviction..   so.. I believe legal wheels are rolling.

fakemommy's picture

Wait. I remember your old posts. In those, you said the house was SD's. You said her mom's family had a lot of money and you had issues with that because of your own kids. You've known this was her house.

ESMOD's picture

you said you used to have an account though?  Because I do have faint recollection of the lipstick incident a long time ago.. may be mistaken though.

sahmofthree's picture

This would have been over 3 years ago. I don't remember what the posts were, but I wouldn't have mentioned the house. I thought it was mine by marriage.

ESMOD's picture

Ok.. gotcha...

In any case.  seek legal counsel.. but do it about your husband's estate and what obligation you have.. if any towards his debts.. if they were not jointly held debts.  You are likely going to be out of the house... so you need to preserve any and all funds you can.. and don't want to pay bills that aren't your responsibility (your DH's medical bills may fall in that area)

Also, get yourself and children to social services to see what kind of aid you may be eligable for at this point.. food stamps.. housing assistance etc.

SteppedOut's picture

I'm not sure if she will qualify for housing assistance and/or food stamps with $20k in the bank. But, OP should sign herself and children up for state sponsored medical insurance, that she should be able to qualify for. 

ESMOD's picture

She should definitely do that.. and not sure if she would be ablet to keep her ins that might have been through her DH's employer too.. at least for a period of time... cobra?

STaround's picture

But if her DH worked for a small company, they may not be required to offer it.   State plans may be subsidized, and cheaper

notarelative's picture

To me, the Wiccan referance did make your post have a familiar feel.  But, whether you posted about the house or not, the house eviction is today's issue. And whether you knew or not is actually irrevelant to the issue of moving. Actuality, reality, is that you will need to move. The house is not yours. The house is SD's. You may get a few more weeks, but in the end you will need to move as the house is not yours, Your attorney can negotiate with SD or her lawyer to get you some more time, or your attorney can go to court and try to convince the court to give you more time, but in the end you need to move.

You have said that no one can take you long term. But, can someone take you short term. Can you move in with a relative for a few months until you figure out a plan? Or would you be better served by finding someplace to stay now? If you have a baby on the way, would it be better to be settled somewhere before he or she is born?

You are mad at the wrong person. You are mad at SD. She didn't cause your husband's death. She didn't cause him to not tell you the truth about the house. She didn't tell him not to write a will. Don't be mad at her for writing / saying things that actually happened. From your prespective they happened one way, from hers the way she wrote/ said.

Be mad at yourself for not insisting on a will because if there were one you would have known about the house. Be mad a DH for not informing you of his finances. (hopefully there are no more surprises in store) Be mad at DH for not realizing that people of any age can die. Go stand at the grave and yell at him. It may make you feel better. Venting aloud usually does.

sahmofthree's picture

A lot of teenage girls think they're witches. I wouldn't be surprised if there was another steptalker here with an SD like this.

SD kind of grew out of it. She still has her stupid stuff, but she's at least quiet about it. If she's super into it, I don't know.

OKtoStep's picture

I feel like there was a couple stories similar to this a few years ago. The hopeful SM-to-be was asking about how to get her 13 year old step daughter, who owned the house through her mother's death, to move out. I believe that child was also in an "alternate" lifestyle. Wiccan? Cosplay? 

Sorry, OP, you might be out of luck on this one. You might want to look into the agreement your DH had with BM's estate that allowed him to continue living there after SD moved out at 17. That might give you some legal leeway and buy you some time. When is your baby due? 

Dont worry too much about the popularity contest on Facebook. In the end, how people feel about the situation doesn't affect your legal right to stay in your own home.

Youre going to be ok. *hugs*

sahmofthree's picture

Late January.  Technically, SD never moved out. She lives in a dorm, but she receives mail here.

There didn't seem to be an agreement. The house was in a trust until SD was 18. This was changed to her pretty soon after her birthday, which indicates that she'd known long before. She'd gloated on social media that she'd been "holding this in her back pocket" for the right time.

Booboobear's picture

mofthree, I would have sent you a pm because i am having an alternative thought about your misfortune, but here goes....

SD has nothing left. only a house. her dad is gone, her mom is gone.  The only thing she has left is YOU.  you have three kids and no house.  maybe she needs you to unconditionaly love her - no matter how bad she is being.  She is angry right now and sad and blaming it on you. She is remembering your actions in the past just as a response, not the CAUSE that she did to get your response.  This anger is fueling her to get fakebook to bully you and as a result humiliate & ostracize you. She is doing everything bad to test your love to see if she can cut you out of her life like a tree mushroom. (sometimes biological kids do this too at some points in their life BTW) You are very pregnant with small kids and so you are not in a position health wise to take on a big fight and move out of principle. 

What about if you stop the fight and use diplomacy instead?

ask to meet her for lunch without the kids.  Do this in person.  Hand her a letter so that you can get it all out before she retreats.

Hello SD. Thank you for meeting with me today. We are all hurting because we lost a dad and husband. I wanted to say thank you for letting me use the two bedrooms for a short while while we get this all sorted out.  I was very shocked to find out that the babies and I do not have rights to the home any longer.  I understand your need to get locks and control of your property but also recognize your graciousness to allow the use of the two rooms for the time being.  

SD, I want you to know that I am proud of you going to the university and living on campus and how good you are doing in your adult life.  I know that I don't have much claim to that, as I made many mistakes as a stepparent.  I don't want to make excuses that will invalidate your feelings, but I was very young, with no experience with stepparenting but what I have lived in my upbringing.  I tried to stepparent you as I would want to be treated if I were a stepchild.  I did the best that I could for my age.  

I feel/felt that you did not like me very well and so I gave you space and got out of your grill. I do love you and want the best for you.  Someday, if you remember kind things that I have done for you, or sacrifices that I made for you at my young age, maybe you will reach out to me and remind me, because trust me, I spend more time kicking myself for my mistakes then I do for patting myself on the back.  I wish you loved me as much as the babies love me.  And the babies love you too.  They are a part of you and you are all a part of your dad.  This is not a DIVORCE.  This is a DEATH.  I am not divorcing you and you are not divorcing me and the babies.  If we leave the lines of communication open, we can make space to heal and to grow back together.  You are your fathers Daughter and I love your father.  We are all hurting.  In the future, please take time to have tea with me and the babies and tell us about your life. 

NOW AFTER THE LETTER< SHE WILL WANT TO ARGUE and hash out things, just quietly listen and nod and look sympathetic.(Pretend in your mind that this is one of your current babies, all grown up and hurting in this fashion-It will give you compassion) validate her feelings and tell her you understand why she would feel that way and you are sorry.  after a time tell her you have to get back to the kids but ask for a hug and leave on fresh good feelings. 

Then let it go for awhile..........

She may take down the fakebook ads.

She may delay in the eviction. 

sahmofthree's picture

This is good. I don't like the idea of prostrating myself before a child, but I am willing to. She refuses to answer a single call or text anyway.

Booboobear's picture

I had to look up the definition of prostrating. Wow! good word thanks for adding to my vocabulary. If we were playing scrabble, I would have challenged you- I don't know how I have lived without this great word so far.  It means to lay yourself down in submission.  Cool

There is another word that I can't think of- I think its oppression, yeah, OPPRESSION- means-prolonged cruel or unjust treatment or control. This is what SD and Fakebook world is doing to you......The widow.....the pregnant widow......the pregant widow with babies who are left fatherless....they are OPPRESSING you!   You take your power back by PROSTRATING yourself.  if you cant do it by a call or text when you you suffer the oppression? in person? on Fakebook? can you prostrate yourelf back on fakebook and take back your power?  do people continue to oppression to prostrating persons? 

anyway... my ideas are dumb most of the time, so thats why I was going to pm you, but I wanted to try to help this morning.  I am 24 years a stepparent.  

ESMOD's picture

I went back and re-read this post.  It appears that the house is in SD's name.. and has been for a while.  She, as a result, likely has every legal right to evict you and your kids.

It sounds like there was somewhat of a tumultuous relationship and you don't want her to set foot in the house per your own admission.  Well guess what? it is HER house.. she will in all likelihood prevail.  

OP needs to put all of her energy and resources into securing alternate housing for herself and her children and explore all sources of financial support and insurance that she can.

Begging SD to be able to stay in the home?  haha.. doubt SD will go for this unless OP agrees to pay rent.  and if you have to do that.. you might as well bite the bullet and do it on your own terms in your own place.

Does the situation suck? yes... but SD has the power and OP is likely wasting time, money and resources trying to find an angle to stay in the home that SD apparently Legally Owns.

Accept the situation for what it is and figure out what your options are..stay with elderly parents.. rent a home.. etc.. etc.. 

Booboobear's picture

"Begging SD to be able to stay in the home?  haha.. doubt SD will go for this unless OP agrees to pay rent.  and if you have to do that.. you might as well bite the bullet and do it on your own terms in your own place."    

If this is in reference to my suggestion, I fail to see how it is begging.  I see it as soothing the hurts that your deceseased husbands daughter is feeling.  giving her closure.  being nice.  doing what you would do for your children.  SD has no family. except the babies.  SD has only one person to hate for the rest of her life, the mother of the babies, but SM has the power to make amends and free SD of her anger.  

Then of course OP will have to move out in due time, but on lighter terms, free of anger.  

Booboobear's picture

mothree, please take a breather, drink lots of water, try to clear your mind, focus on your children, try to eat some fresh veggies and fruits. you got this. you can do this. you can handle this. you can be mothree and do a great job of it. 

Cooooookies's picture

Wait..."Obviously, SD isn't welcome here ever again."

It is HER house.  You're being evicted from a home that is not yours.  You have no claim or rights to that house.

Your frustration is very misplaced.  It is your lying, unprepared late husband you should be upset with.  He lived in his daughter's home rent free and couldn't be bothered to tell you the truth or make sure you and the children would be looked after.

BethAnne's picture

This whole situation is a nightmare. I am really sorry for your loss and all the turmoil it is causing. Just try to think that in a year or two this will be over and you will be in a new phase of your life with all your kids, showing them what an amazingly capable woman you are as you raise them to be wise and loving. This time is going to be testing, but it is not going to be forever.

First I would find accomodation for you all for in 30 days time. That could be splitting you and your kids between various relatives/friends for a month or two until you can get things lined up. You said your mom lives nearby - could she take one or two kids? Anybody else who could help for a month or two? This is a desperate time calling for desperate measures.  Knowing that you and your kids have somewhere safe, warm and loving to be in 30 days if nothing esle comes up will be a weight off your mind. Many families go through temporary periods where children live with other relatives, I know my husband and his brother did, my older sister did and they all turned out fine. This plan is your fall back plan, if you cannot find something else in 30 days. 

Then i would sit down with someone that you trust who is good with finances and look at your money situation. As others have said getting on top of what benifits you are entitled to is a good place to start too. Even if you are usually good at finances and budgets, working with someone else who is removed from your direct situation could help you when things are feeling scary and emotional right now. When you know what kind of budget you can reasonably have you can attack trying to find accomodation with confidence that you can afford what you find. 

If you want to stay in the house until the new baby is a few months old I might approach SD (perhaps through a lawyer) and offer to pay a reasonable rent until x date when you will move out, assuming that it would be financially feasible for you. This would give you a few months to work out what your next step is going to look like. The worst that could happen is that she says no. 

When you do get to looking for somwhere to rent and you are concerned that noone will rent to you with no income then you could think about alternative stratgies to finding accomdation. I suggest approaching landlords who are independent and might be willing to be flexible, perhaps even offer to pay for a full 6 months up front if you can out of your 20k. Or offer to pay 30% of your social security check as rent for 6 months and you will pay an upfront lump sum of the remainder of the rent. So if 30% of your social security would be $600 but rent is $1500.. pay a lump sum of $900x6 or $5400 up front then $600 each month after that for 6 months. Then after 6 months you will either have your life insurance money through to pay another lump sum, or maybe you will have found a job or perhaps you will move to a cheeper area if you cannot continue to  afford the rent. Look on air b'n'b some people on there rent their appartments for 30 days at a time, just make sure to check what you are renting (a couple of bedrooms sharing the appartment with the owner or use of the entire appartment). 30 days at a time might not be ideal, but they will not usually ask for proof of income. 

Let people in your life know you are looking for accomodation with a flexible landlord - they may know someone who rents an appartment or small house that could work for you. You might also consider sharing with a relative or friend. Maybe there is another woman raising children who would apprechiate the moral support of another adult in the house and someone else to split the bills with. I've read about mom communes, which if you can find people that you mesh with could be a great place to live. 

I'm sorry that people here are critizing you and questioning you. You do not need that right now Please do not ignore the good advice that is offered here, there is a way forwards even if everything seems impossible right now. Reach out to those that you trust and love and let them help you through this. There are people who want to help you, organizations set up to help support you and benifits that you are entitled to. You can make this work. 

sahmofthree's picture

My parents are close enough to take the kids for a few days, but not really to live with. They also can't have kids for long periods of time (55+ community).

ESMOD's picture

What your parents can/can't do has no bearing on the fact that you will need to VACATE this home.  period.

You need to stop thinking about paying medical bills with your cash.  20K is more than enough to secure housing.. you WILL have some social security money coming in in a couple of months... if you are frugal.. you can make what you have last.  You may get proceeds from the life ins co as well.. I'm sorry.. but perhaps your situation is even one that might be appropriate to set up a "gofundme"? 

The one clear certainty is that the home you thought was yours and your husbands is NOT going to be an option.  It is upsetting and disruptive to your life, but you really don't have that as an option.  The sooner you accept this and move on... the better off you will be.  wasting money with legal mumbo jumbo?  not so worth it at all.

The only thing you may be able to do is get a small reprieve if you ask/beg your SD.  Agree that you will move but ask for a set time to make it happen.. one two more months etc.. but to be honest.. she doesn't have to help you at all.. so she may not.

You are going to have to figure out how to make this work.. and while it may seem unfair.. it is the reality of your situation.

sahmofthree's picture

SD won't answer calls. She sent one text advising me to speak to her lawyer. That's it. She's not interested in any extension or talk unless it's legally required. I may be able to stay through the birth as winter is coming fast, and I have a hardship on physically getting things packed. Obviously I'm not doing Thanksgiving now. 

That 20k everyone crows about is the total for ALL living expenses. I have to feed/clothe/care for my kids, bury my husband, deal with this pregnancy and health insurance, deal with my lawyer, and keep the car maintained. I would include utilities in there but I'm advised not to pay. I haven't gotten the bill for the funeral yet. 

The law says that in winter, utilities aren't allowed to shut off houses with small children. They could also go after SD as she's the homeowner and make her pay. It sucks and bolsters her argument that I'm trash and she's a persecuted angel, but I'm running out of options here. 

This state is fairly pro-tenant, and whether SD likes it or not, technically she's been my landlord for almost a year. I can't make this easy.

 

ESMOD's picture

I'm not sure your realize the gravity of your situation.  Feed/clothe/care for your kids..  Your kids have clothing now right?  you can buy enough to get them through any growth at a goodwill in the next couple months.  spend 20 bucks on new underwear at walmart.. ok.. you have just preserved 19,900.  I know food isn't cheap.. but you will need to figure out how to make do.... plenty of sites on how to feed families for budgets.. spend your time (which is free) to research.  You don't have daycare costs as you are a sAHM... you can cut off your cable/directv.. reduce phone plans.. whatever.

The funeral bill??? Sorry.. you may have to just put that aside.  I mean.. they aren't going to "unbury" him.  Explain your situation.. that you will be prepared to make a payment plan starting in 6 months or something.  they can't "eat" you.

You need to secure housing for yourself and your kids.. now.  

20K is not "nothing".. and if you have to call every creditor and plead hard times.. do it.  You have to go to social services for food stamps? do it.  You go to the state for medical expense? do it.  You have zero income.. you are likely to be eligable for something.

 

sahmofthree's picture

I was raised to never go into debt. I'm going to pay my bills. I can't imagine ruining my credit will help anything.

ESMOD's picture

You won't ruin your credit if you can work out payment plans.. and if you DO end up having something hit collection..?

OH WELL.. that is the reality of your situation.  The home you are living in will not be an option for you in the very near future.  You need to start to deal with that reality and do what is necessary to put a roof over your children's head and your own.

Believe me.. credit issues are not permanent.. the impact of them goes away with time..and not even that much time in reality.

You may not even get to that point with people if you are up front.

 

Curious Georgetta's picture

your parents and they can come to your place to assist with the child care.  Waiting for your newborn to age into daycare may be a financial luxury that you can no longer afford.  If you are to be the sole provider, you may need to return to work immediately.

Let this be a learning experience about the need to be better informed about the financial situation that governs your life. You seem to have left most details to be managed by your husband.

Women today need to be fully conversant with all financial obligations and details that impact them and the financial well being of their family.

Good luck as you take control of your life.

 

 

 

sahmofthree's picture

My new child will likely be a preemie born at the height of flu season. Daycare could kill them. I have to wait.

STaround's picture

she thinks she can delay your being evicted.  Have you specifically asked her, given that the facts, inluding that you strarted living there when the owner was a minor, how much rent you will be charged?  You may find it is higher than you can find a place for, and you are making your situation worse.

sahmofthree's picture

I should be able to get away with it because it was my husband doing it for 99% of the time. This basically just depends on who the judge will have sympathy for, and I feel like I could get that.

ESMOD's picture

Uhhhh.. I don't think you are entitled to stay there just because your husband "got away with it".  

You really think you can go to court and play "poor, pregnant widow with small kids.. please don't kick us out even though we have not paid the owner of the home one red cent to live here"???  I mean, I feel for your situation.. it has to be terrible to find your husband wasn't honest with you.. You must be missing him horribly.. etc..  But legally she can evict you.  Even if you happen to live in one of very few places that may limit eviction on DAYS where the temperature is below freezing or on a holiday.. that means just those DAYS... and the first day it's over freezing.. or the 26th of december? She can kick you out immediately.

You are 10000% better off making your own plans on your own terms to vacate and leave the home prepared vs the sherrif escorting you and your kids from the home at some random time.

STaround's picture

So you should not be held responsible for the issue in the past, because even though you benefits, you were not aware.  But there is no excuse for you not realizing that now, and to say, I should get the low or no rent deal, I dont see how  you get  there.

ESMOD's picture

1000% yes ^^^   I don't see the logic of her being entitled to stay just because her SD let her father stay there..

plus.. the girl is apparently only "just" of legal age.. so most of what happened prior? well.. it may have been more difficult to exercise her rights then.  I'm sure the incident where she was told to find somewhere else to be at the holidays really prompted her to go in this direction.

Booboobear's picture

you don't need a job. you already have a job taking care of babies and growing one in your tummy - unless you were going to get a job at a daycare where you could have lots of help with care while you provide care and still get to spend time with your babies.  it will be too hard to find a job that has the same hours as the daycare, then get each squirming child fed, dressed, strapped into carseat, drive to work, watch them cry as you leave, cry as you drive yourself to work, miss the kids all day, deal with everyone at works drama,then be late picking up kids from daycare because of traffic jam, then have daycare report you to CPS for being late, then try to smooth over the guilt of not being with them all day.  The Social Security for you and the children will pay for your rent and utilities.  when you get close to the end of your stay at SD's, visit a local chruch, and ask if they can organize a group of helpers to hold babies and move stuff to the new place.  Don't waste your $20,000 on bills, use it for several months down on rent at a place close to a grocery store.  Then use your SS income to raise the kids. 

Booboobear's picture

Open a new bank account that doesnt have your DH's name on it, and get direct deposit for your SS so you dont have to wait and go cash a check each month with babies on hip.  then make an account online socialsecurity.gov to monitor it online.  

ESMOD's picture

OP,  I think this will likely be my last post on this blog.  In your (understandable) grief, I believe you are clinging to some ideas that are not realistic.  You have gotten a LOT of good advice from the folks here on Stalk.. advice that you should carefully consider.

But legally, it appears you have no valid grounds to fight your SD on the eviction from the home that SHE owns.

You CAN be evicted in the winter... the fact that you are pregnant and a widow? Again.. no legal grounds .. you are just hoping a judge will take pity on you.  Well.. the judge can just as easily take pity on the SD who lost her father and was being taken advantage of for so many years.  Your Evil Stepmother past with her will erase any sympathy I am afraid.

You want her A%% to be bared for the public to see how "mean" she is.  Well.. guess what.. I doubt you get near the satisfaction you think you will.  Most of her relatives will STILL support her and feel you deserve it because of your prior treatment of her (or what they THINK you treated her like). So.. you will be making your kids suffer the trauma of being put out on the street... for nothing.

You DO have some resources and will be getting some resources in terms of social security fairly soon.  You may not be able to secure housing of the same level you currently have.. but you need to find SOMETHING.  Your kids do not deserve to be put out on the street. and YOU are the one that is making this situation a probability by refusing to deal with the reality and placing your ANGER at your SD above your children's best interest.

Yes.. you may have debt and owe money for the funeral.. but you need to make arrangements for this with them to come up with a payment plan instead of sending them money that you are going to need for your housing and children's care.

Yes, you are having a baby.. you need to apply for your state's health insurance program and It is almost 100% likely you will be able to have this baby with little to no out of pocket.. even if you DO have bills from it.. you can again call and put it on a payment plan.

Ultimately, you may find in a few months that you DO have to file for bankruptcy if your bills are too much and you have no way of paying them.  Bad credit isn't fun.. but from our perspective... you may not have that option

Because.. back to SD.  You can't make her do what you want... not emotionally and not legally.

I'm sorry for your loss and your predicament but you are NOT without options and the ability to make plans.  

Again, lots of great advice on here from everyone.. please take this bull by the horns and drag yourself out of the cesspool.  Your excuses are not going to make a difference in the outcome.. you DO have the power to change your situation.. 

STaround's picture

The only thing I would add, reach out to others for help.  Your church, friends, your late DHs co-workers.  

You need someone to talk to. for your emotional well being.   You also need tangible help.

Make a list of what you need.  

1.  Look for place to live.   Tell the person what you can spend, what area, close to grocerty store and day care/school.   They can help research.

2.  Once you find  a place, decide what can come with you, ask them to help with garage sale.

3,  Ask recommendations for movers, get three quotes.

 

Not certain you want to listen to this, but before  you go full out against SD legally, I would ask my lawyer:

1.  What is best case?  I get to stay 3 more months?  Pay rent?  how much?  If you are going to have pay rent that is high, you may be better off moving now.

2.  What is worse case?  10 days notice to vacate?