f@!%$(^*&#@&@* jerkwad-DH related
Why, all of the sudden, does he think that he doesn't need to communicate? He thinks that the way he talks to me is "just fine" and that my confusion and frustration are not warrented. WHAT A JERK!! He's convinced that he knows exactly how to talk to me and approach me about stuff and decisions. WHAT THE HELL!!?? I just want the jerk to decide to talk to me about decisions in a way that eases me into it before he asks me to make a decision. He needs to learn to let me ease into ideas and information. He needs to give me a heads up on what he wants me to be thinking about before I am supposed to look at stuff if he wants me to have a response.
Here's what went down.: He came home and the instant he got here, he asked me to go to a certain website. I thought maybe something fun. Then,it shows it's a scooter. So I'm thinking someting funny. I get there and he says "what do you think?" .....What do I think about what? I don't know why I'm looking at this scooter. He looking for him? He looking for me? He looking for fun? He find something funny about it? So, I ask, "what do YOU think?" He gets pissed off at me because I "don't ever let him make a decision".... WHAT!!?? He starts rambling about how this van will not last forever, how we need to find a vehichle that is reliable,how I talks too much and how he already knows how to communicate. WHAT THE HELL!!?? I'm still confused how he wanted me to react... and when I tried to suggest that he prepare me for websites, he said I'm a contolling bitch and what I don't know what I want. I'm so tired of this!! Two things I will not do: divorce and cheat. So, what do I do? I drank 4 beers in 1 hour... that's all I know how to do. I don't have many options for relieving stress. Any ideas?
- roseslady2's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Try going for a long
Try going for a long walk...way better than drinking. If he's that much of a jerk, you'll always be drunk! Over the years, I've found the thing that pisses men off the most is when you ignore them. Don't respond...go do your own thing. Take a hot bath, wine, chocolate, whatever...just don't react. That worked for me most of the time. One thing that concerns me...that sounds verbally abusive to me. Is he like that often?
He is like this often and it
He is like this often and it does often border on abuse. I am strong enough to stand up and say to him "Look here,that is no way to talk to me. I am going to stay with my MIL for a weekend until you take responsibility for what you just said." He has bipolar disorder and it comes out pretty regularly in anger. He's never been full blown verbally abusive and never physical even to surrounding things. Most of his issue is communication. He can't seem to talk about stuff before it becomes a big problem for him. It's like he thinks I'll be mad at him when he comes to me and says "Can you stop doing that? It's starting to get on my nerves." I would immediately stop because I love him and want not to irritate anyone... But he lets it go until it becomes the only thing he thinks about and I never know it's a problem until he blows up. He won't go to counselling and he thinks that the way he acts is normal for men... which the men in his life it is... they're all mentally unstable in some form or another.
I will not consider divorce
I will not consider divorce because I took my vows very VERY seriously. "For better OR worse. Sickness(bipoar disorder) OR health. Richer OR poorer" In my vows, there was no "except when he's a raving jerk one day and says hurtful things". I considered all of these things when I got married and I follow through on the things I make in covenant with God. I have not always been the easiest woman to live with, and DH stuck that out. Now I guess it's his turn to pick up the immature stick. I want his boys to know that just because it gets hard, you shouldn't walk away. I want them to see that fighting through it is better than breaking up a famiy that will probably recover withing 5 years. Statistics show that people that stay together through the sorm are 35% happier 5 years later than those who divorce. I have seen the experience of that in my DH's divorce and in BM's current marriage and in my MIL's marriage and my parents' marriage. Would I cut off my hand if it was exhibiting arthritis every other day? No. I would spend as much as it took for as long as it took to fix the problem. THAT is why I will not consider divorce.
If there was definite abuse
If there was definite abuse in my situation, I would at least be seperated until he got his act together. But, my situation is not abuse. Secondly, if I ever find out my ssons are abusive, I will kick them so hard their unborns will feel it. Thirdly, if I had a daughter and I found out a man was abusing her, I would go and straighten him out as well. Jail? Probably... Piss off my daughter, probably... If my dad thought that there was any abuse going on, he would probably do the same. I call my dad each and every time DH and I have an argument. Most logical, healthy people will end up realizing their mistakes and apologize, which my DH has now done. Do I think we'll never have an argument again? no. Do I think he'll never say another hurtful thing? No. Do I think that this argument was worth divorcing over? No. I've been with this man for 5 years and most of it has been good. Yes, he has communication issues. Yes, he has an illness that is not easily treated. I knew all of this coming in. I am strong enough and smart enough and patient enough to work not only with him but to convey to his boys that the way he acts is not acceptable. They know that their father is ill, they know the warning signs of a cycle, they know what to do when he loses it and they know that they are both held to a higher standard. If you want to start judging me, please, go ahead. I will stay with DH at any cost. God has control over my situation and over what my ssons learn and who they learn it from. If they will learn from my husband's mistakes and not go down the same road, they will be better off. If they don't, they will learn another way.
Wow Roses, I have to commend
Wow Roses, I have to commend you on your loyalty. That is such a difficult situation you're in. I hope the good times are more frequent than the bad. You don't have to justify your decisions to anybody, as long as you're looking out for the kids, which it sounds like you are. It also sounds like you have a pretty good support system going. Hang in there!!