When we are an immature,, selfish, self-centered person with no empathy, like SD, we want what we want.  Our cruise is top-most in our mind and having Daddy babysit for free is a perfect solution.  We haven't given one thought to SM's medical trauma or if we did, we thought, "How annoying".   

I'm so sorry you're having to go thru this at this time.  All best wishes for a speedy recovery.

There's nothing you can do about the fact that SD is selfish and inconsiderate.  And really, it doesn't matter if she asks to visit while you're recovering, or wants your DH to provide free babysitting many miles away when you need him.  That's to be expected - she is who she is.  What matters is what your husband does in response. If he allows her to come to your home when you're not up for guests, or if he leaves to go be her unpaid sitter when you need him, then HE is a lousy partner. Make sure he is aware of your needs and desires, because you know SD will make him aware of hers. If he makes the wrong choice, that's on HIM. And BTW, I don't think you're being selfish at all.  Your husband made a promise - in sickness and in health. 

I cannot say I've been in your shoes going through a traumatic medical ordeal. But my sister had a double mastectomy followed shortly thereafter with a hysterectomy. She's single and I was her main, well only,, support system.  She needed me, I was there. My DH understood that. He missed spending time with me, but knew my sister's need was greater.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. The added difficulties and irritation are far from helpful. Prayers for success with your upcoming surgery and speedy healing. 

Your DH's place is at your side through this challenging period. Period. Dot.

As for SD..... 

Meh.

This SD is a POS.  And her daddy needs to recognize it and be at his bride's side.  SD and her breeding partner can figure out the care and feeding of their own spawn.

Take care of yourself. Make sure your DH has clarity that there will be no visits from his daugther or her family until you have fully recovered. If he pushes, tell him that her past issues are unhealthily stressful to you and your marriage.

I have watched my mom go through all of the Chemo and Radiation and Reconstructions and Lymphedema and so on for the last 3 years. I don't know what would have happened without my dad's unwavering support. I can't fathom even suggesting something that would take him away from her while she is going through additional surgeries and healing. 

Please tell me your husband was totally on board with the too early to commit to anything response? I still can't believe she even asked!

Your husband needs to run interference for you with his daughter.  He is the one there seeing your situation... and there should be no question that when his daughter asks about a visit right now.. "That absolutely will not be possible.. DW is in serious recovery and we are not able to have any visits for a while"  when she asks about the cruise.  "I think for safety sake, you should probably look at another option or at least arrange a backup.  DW may or may not be able to manage alone when you are going.. and if she can't.. I won't be able to help.  I would hate you to be without options at the last minute by relying on me". 

That's it.

And when she texts YOU? hand the phone to your DH.. have him text back.. "Hey DD.. this is dad... I'm replying for DW because she is not up to it right now.. like I told you... a visit now is not possible.. please just contact me if you have any questions about her progress... she just isn't up to the oblitation to reply.. her recovery is difficult"

a wicked stepmother. Go through all the advice given in the comments. Great stuff there. 

I've experienced the same. While no where near what you are going through, I had jaw surgery and DH's oldest son, in his 30's at the time, pitched a fit because DH would not take him bowling as I had just come home from the hospital. SMH

A lot of these SKs we deal with are just selfish and uncaring. Best to you.

You are fighting for your life. Don't worry about what someone on the internet says, who doesn't know you except for a few blog entries and may have their own trauma which gets triggered by something. Of course you still may need your husband. More than the dog will, that's for sure. Cancer isn't just magically over after you have the tumor removed. I guess not everyone knows that. You take care of you. Don't agonize over what people think of you, especially those who don't like you (SD) and those who don't know you (randos on the internet.) 

I'm so sorry you are going through this! 

SD is a miniwife.  As other posters wrote, your DH needs to deal with her and keep her from you (it sounds like he is being very supportive of you, which is great!).  It sounds like she treats your house as a hotel and is very inconsiderate when visiting as she creates work for you/DH.  And using your kitching to cook only for her and her family?  NO.  Then to expect DH to babysit her kids while she goes on a cruise?  For me, it would be a no.  She's a parent.  She can take her kids with her on the cruise.  You DH is not her babysitter. 

I have to say I agree 100% with Rags' post.  You should come first to DH any day, but especially dealing with this life-changing, scary situation. 

Please hang in there.... keep us posted!

**HUGS**

I cant imagine what you are going through. And Im sorry you are being treated thusly by stupid, spoiled, entitled SD.

Sending a digital hug.

You are not selfish. I would take DH aside and tell him, very matter-of-factly, that how he behaves while you are laid up is going to be the deciding factor on whether or not you stay with him. Tell him what you need, and that you expect to be his number one priority until you are able to care for yourself again. 

Then, follow through on your statement. If he can't get his head out of his a$$, then he can go live with his pos SD. If you have to hire a nurse because he isn't there, make you pay her out of his paycheck. There is no reason that he should be acting like this. NO REASON.