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Hello everyone

rlj2007's picture

I haven't been on here in ages mainly because things were going somewhat ok. But recently my DH and I have been having a lot more arguments than usual. Here it is We have been married for 1 year and have 1 BS together he is 9months old. I have a 7 year old BG from my previous marriage. He has a 2 year old daughter from his previous marriage and a 7 year old son from a previous relationship. Yep you read it right 3 kids 3 different moms. I desperately need some advice. Here is the story. First his 7 year old son has been with my DH's mom in CA for the last year and a half. He came back in July this year. Prior to that I had literally known him for like 9 months before he went to CA where he stayed until July this year. I do not know this kid! All I know is what he tells me which is really only what toys he wants. Every single commercial he of course wants the toyTo be quite honest I am sick to death hearing his whiney voice say "Guess what I want", or "I wish I had" or "I wonder if I could have" But again been dealing with that and not the problem. I have always left the door open to my bedroom and to my bathroom while I am getting ready to go somewhere. My 7 year old daughter has always come in and asked me to help her get dressed, or do her hair or to just talk to me in general. Since DH son has been back I understand that I can no longer walk around in my bra and underwear while looking for a shoe or whatever. The other day I was in my bathroom not getting dressed yet but helping me BD get ready. SHe walked in my bedroom and into my bathroom as she has done since the day she could walk. DH son follows my BG EVERYWHERE. I guess I should have known that if my BD is in my room and bathroom then SS is coming along shortly afterward. But, I guess I wasn't thinking. Anyway so me and BD are helping her pick out an outfit and I an stil in pjs but helping her then starting on me. I am standing in my closet which is all the way in my bathroom and all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I see SS coming in. I yelled at him and told him to get out and to never walk into my room and certainly not my bathroom without knocking. He said he was coming up there to "give me a hug" He gives these stupid hugs to everybody all day not real "I love you" hugs but barely wrapping one arm around my back and patting me a few times. He does this to all of us for some strange reason. Anyway, after me and BD are ready I come downstairs and tell DH that he needs to teach the boy not to walk into my room/bathroom wihout knocking. So he says Tim don't go into our room without knocking. Then starts to argue with me about how he felt "leftout" and that is why he went up to "hug" me. Finally DH comes to well in order to be "fair" none of the kids should be coming in our room. WTF? Hello, this is not some scheme to make Tim feel left out and my BD and I have always had that type of relationship. She seems to talk more in depth when we are in there. She opens up and shares her fears, problems, needs..etc. We have had some of the best conversations with me on the toilet and her sitting on the floor. In any case, I stood my ground and sais no I am not changin the type of relationship with my daughter as to not have SS feel "leftout" Why can't my DH see that this is not something I do intentionaly to hurt SS it's just well we're girls. Now we are still in debate as to how to handle it. I don't care about being "fair" I am very sorry that he and his children do not have a relationship where they feel comfortable hanging out in the bathroom together but that is the relationship I have with my BD. It is a time where she comes to me to talk. Not where I have to sit her down during a designated time and pull stuff out of her. She decides to come on her own. How do we settle this?

Comments

melis070179's picture

Simply tell the SS that all he has to do is knock first in case either of you girls are not dressed. But don't yell at him. I know its difficult to adjust to another child in your home all the sudden, especially one that you don't know, but none of that is his fault, he's just a kid. Try to be a positive influence in his life and try NOT to take the "its me and my kids against him and his kids" attitude.