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How to handle if Stepdevil appears this weekend...

RedWingsFan's picture

Hey guys!

I just had a fleeting thought and figured I'd ask your opinion.

Saturday is DH's niece's birthday party to be held at DH's grandparent's home. In the past, stepdevil has always been at these parties and I know she still has a relationship with BIL & SIL as they've actually even had her spend the night and text her all the time.

Sunday is Easter brunch at DH's dad's place (he lives right next door to grandparents). Recently, stepdevil has been texting granddad to brag about her grades and fish for rewards...when she hasn't spoken to him in months.

I have a great relationship with them all and they all know about how stepdevil has treated DH and I and that she and DH currently aren't speaking due to SD's rude text to her dad saying "It was her choice not to talk to him anymore, goodbye" after he texted her to congratulate her on good grades last month.

I have a sinking feeling that stepdevil will be present at one or even both occasions this weekend, as she is not one to turn down a free meal or birthday cake. Would it be considered rude of me to email DH's dad and his brother and just casually ask if SD will be in attendance?

I don't want to just not go, because I really do enjoy being around his family and they'd all think that it was quite suspicious of me. And I don't want to break the niece's heart. Last time I wasn't able to be there for an event, she actually cried for me!

What do I do?

ETA: And if she IS attending, would it be wrong of me to politely decline so as not to have any tension?

Comments

RedWingsFan's picture

But she won't show her ugly side - nope, not in front of everyone else. She's super sweet in front of them all.

A coworker of mine told me to pretend like she's some neighbor kid that showed up for the event and just ignore her.

Anon2009's picture

I would go. Leave early if it gets too uncomfortable, but go for the niece.

As for sd, I think the best thing for dh to do is let her have her space. You told me at one point he tried doing that for awhile then reached out to her. I think he needs to let her have her space and let her reach out to him. It doesn't sound like dh started parenting her until she was 12-13. She's 14 now. This is not a situation that'll improve that quickly. Pas from bm certainly doesn't help. Sd may "know better," and she may get blamed, but she still has so much maturing and growing up to do.

Unless she says anything to either of you, don't say anything to her. Don't even say anything about her if possible.

whatwasithinkin's picture

Oh see I'm evil. I'd see her sweet and raise her five levels of sweet, and before i left idI'd lean in and tell her her fake ass deserves an academy award and that it is a damn shame she doesn't appreciate her father or myself for that matter because she has really lost out. Hand on hip, hair flip, turn around and walk away that's how I roll

RedWingsFan's picture

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the advice. DH says he's sure she won't go, but I wouldn't put it past her to show up and try and ruin things for us. She's just selfish that way.

Anyhow, I'm going to go and have a good time. If she shows up, I may just pull a whatwasithinkin move...

RedWingsFan's picture

Yep, that's her Lynnie! She snows everyone into believing she's some sort of tortured soul, a poor forgotten girl, no one loves her, she's just oh so lonely. She had the therapist convinced that all of her problems were MY fault, I hated her, I treated her badly, I am the sole reason her parents weren't reconciling, etc. Disgusting.

RedWingsFan's picture

I can't just not go, his family is counting on me to be there and his niece is already asking her mom if we'll be there. I can't flake out on her. Haven't seen her since December.

Anyhow, I'm just gonna go, and if she's there, I'll ignore her. DH claims she WON'T show up there, but like I said, I have my doubts.