Why is it that adults seem to have little ability to recognize the need for different dicipline for older and younger kids?
There is a fairly consistent current the crops up in blogs where a parent tries to hold a young child accountable for something in the same way an older child was held accountable for a similar infraction. :?
This also seems to crop up when a Sparent once disciplined a Skid years ago and now a young joint child is the target of retribution in discipline from the BioParent of the Skid.
Discipline should be tempered to the age of the child. A 4yo repeatedly leaving a light on in a room when they leave it should be taken to the room to turn out the light a few times then given a time out if they don't get a clue.
A 16yo leaving a light on in a room over and over should be grounded, the light bulb taken and should have to mow some yards to pay the electric bill.
I had extreme issue with the differences in how my parents disciplined my younger brother Vs how they disciplined me at equivalent ages. When I was 10yo if so much as opened my mouth to protest during a punishment I got chewed on for back talking. When my younger brother was 10yo he would blow a gasket on my parents and they would listen then apply some far more lenient punishment than I would have gotten at his age. I would be stunned with them not killing him for backtalk as they would have me when I was 10.
When I would get pissed and point this out my parents would say "your brother owes you a debt of gratitude for training us to be better parents". Grrrrr!!!!
But, my parents never tried to punish my younger brother when he was 10 as they punished me when I was 16 (I am 6yrs older).
What is up with these moron parents who try to take out some perceived attack on their blessed first family spawn on younger second family spawn years or even decades later?
I am beginning to believe that people are pretty much idiots.
Best regards,
- Rags's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I frankly don't understand
I frankly don't understand this either, as I think you'll see by my blog. What is cracking me up a bit inside is that DH and I married when SD was 8 and DH promptly told me that SD was "too old to change." In other words, she was already set in her ways and was the person she was destined to be and so I couldn't expect her to remember to flush the toilet or turn off the light or close the front door or pick up her things or all the many other HORRIBLE expectations I had. Our BD is now 7.5, approaching this magical age of "too old to change." Although I won't SAY anything to DH, you KNOW I'll be secretly thinking, everything BD does something DH doesn't like, "Well, too bad, you'll just have to deal with it. She's too OLD to change now. She wasn't RAISED that way."
Interesting, Rags. My current
Interesting, Rags.
My current DH was literally tied up to a rope for unknown reasons and then his younger brother was born 3 years later who was never punished and my husband actually was officially deemed babysitter at 6 years old to his 3 year old brother.
Younger brother has not spoke to their mom in over 8 years but my husband continues to be the mother's "emotional scapegoat."
I have been trying to get him to "see" the abuse. 43 years is a long time to work with though.
The world revolves around the
The world revolves around the accommodation, comfort and safety of small children. I lived in a private lake community for years; one of the beach rules was that rafts were only allowed in waist deep water, no matter what the person’s age was. The club’s theory was the “little ones” should not be out over their heads on a raft. The club also felt that same children have a hard time understanding rules, so they have to be fair to everyone. We had numerous community meetings over this dumb rule, but the club stuck to their guns. The question was always asked, “Would you give your toddler your car keys?” We had mandatory “country club dues “(legal blood money, like HOA fees but worse). Another popular question always was “Who pays the club dues?” The club would not cave or designate one of the beaches adult only. I can’t tell you how many times the cops were called out to the beach, because adults refused to come in to waist deep water! The funny thing was the club considered the community the perfect “playground” for adults.
My SS (Stink) went to a K-8 elementary school. The 8th graders had the same rules as the little ones, all the ages were intermixed during class changing and lunches……I thought it was really strange. I know of people that pulled their kids from the school because they saw that the kids were not maturing. I was already dealing with a kid that had maturity issues and this school wasn’t helping. The kid was in 8th grade and REFUSED to cross the without a crossing guard or someone with him! When he went to high school, I waiting in the parking lot for him and he was all upset that he had to “cross traffic” to get to the car, he was freaking that there wasn’t a crossing guard.
I think rules of life, as well as, punishment has to be suitable for the age child involved also. Our culture has become overly child-centric and the problem is the children grow up and are clueless to the expectations of the real world.
I bed to differ. Our world
I bed to differ. Our world is NOT overly child-centric. We don't protect children ENOUGH.
This is a selfish society that we live in. I see adults all around me who couldn't give a crap about raising a child correctly. They just want the child to be out-of-sight, out-of-mind. Kids can't learn how to be productive, intelligent, kind, compassionate adults in a vacuum. And they won't be if the adults in their lives just do the minimum necessary to "get by" as a parent. Parents like that are lazy and selfish and there's no excuse good enough for that kind of person.
We were in a Target parking lot the other day, and parked right in front of an SUV where we saw a man putting his little one (couldn't have been more than three years old) in his car seat. The man hauled off and slapped the child in the face! As far as I'm concerned, slapping a child's face is inexcusable and I won't stand for it. Neither did my husband. DH honked the horn at the guy and motioned a "WTF?" to him. Seriously, I had my phone out, about to call the cops. There's no reason for treating a little one like that, I don't care WHAT they've done. The little boy was crying and screaming, so scared. That guy climbed into his SUV fast and drove off so fast... he was embarrassed, as well he should've been. He needed to be called out on that kind of behavior. What did he think he was going to accomplish by slapping a toddler in the face? Abusive, POS...
If more people called others out on their bad parenting, and we did more to protect children, this world would be a better place. I'd rather "The world revolve around the accommodation, comfort and safety of small children" than the other extreme.
You can tell in which direction a society is heading by how they treat their children and their elderly...
JMHO.
Actually, my children are
Actually, my children are well-behaved, intelligent, kind, compassionate, beautiful children. They care about others and want to help where they can. My eldest has a reputation in his school amongst the teachers and administration for being one of the students that teachers WANT to have in their classes. He takes up for the little guy and the underdog, and when he sees someone being bullied, he steps in to stop it. Our principal even said he would love for his daughter to date my DS when they're older! My DS is polite, well-mannered and is involved in charity work, wanting to help the homeless and hungry. He wants to be a doctor so he can help people, but he also wants to dance and sing like Michael Jackson! He's an amazing kid and I'd like to think I had something to do with that.
My little one is fiercely independent, but sweet and smart. She loves to share and she's very empathetic. She's already reading at the age of three. I have a feeling she will be whatever it is that she sets out to be, given the right tools and motivation.
So no, I am not one who has "ruined" children. I actually discipline out of love, not anger. I create boundaries for my children, but allow them to push them at times, in order to experience failure and learn from their mistakes. I would never hit a child, I would never allow a child to be hit. Hitting only teaches children that hitting is acceptable. Hitting a child in place of actually disciplining them is for those parents who have a limited ability to discipline creatively.
JMHO.
I agree with you crayon. Do I
I agree with you crayon. Do I think that kids should be beaten, no. But I do believe "spare the rod, spoil the child"
We as parents in this country are powerless. These kids know that they can get away with it because of the government (big brother) getting in the way. Kids today know that you can't touch them, they use it in manipulation. They say, "if you spank me, I will call CPS!" and they know the number.
I put my daughter in her room as punishment, her father called CPS and they investigated me. They said to find some other punishment than to put my daughter in her room. She was 6 and violent. By golly, she is good now! She smiles at me and loves me. I do not have to put her in her room anymore. Because I TOOK CARE OF THE SITUATION! Kids need boundaries, and protection, but the boundaries are put into place to protect them. Then they learn how to protect themselves.
This thing of, "it makes them unhappy" :? Please.... are you happy all the time?
Try being a high school
Try being a high school teacher. You are forced to take abuse from minors on a daily basis and IF you dare even say anything in return, you are smacked down by a major lawsuit on behalf of the "wonderful" parents who are raising felons by placing them in "time out" at "home." Excellent parenting skills! Bravo!
GAG
I don't know how to exactly
I don't know how to exactly word this one and remain polite.
There is a post a few above yours from a woman with wonderful kids. I think I understand what type of darlings and parents you deal with everyday. I feel for you, I don't know how you do it without knocking one of the "wonderful" out.
I think a PARENT has the
I think a PARENT has the right to protect their child or children any way they seem fit. As an adult without children BY CHOICE, I have a issue when my wants and or needs revolve around the safety of children. My example was of how deep I was allowed to go out into a lake on my raft, I am an adult, I paid the country club dues, and I am a strong swimmer....why should I live under the same rules as a toddler? Why should the music I listen to or TV shows I watch have words bleeped out because such language is not suitable for children? Why are parents allowing children to listen to or watch that stuff anyway? That's what I am talking about....not people smacking their kids around. Yes, I agree there is something wrong with that. I understand what you are saying BUT the society should not create standards of living to protect children from bad parenting. I'm not a parent why should I or those with grown children be subjected to rules that are meant to keep chil;dren safe??
I see the way the world is heading now with HOW parents are treating their children. There is a serious problem in this country with kids that have been raised without rules and without correction for vile behavior and our society is heading in the wrong the direction.
Discipline is important but
Discipline is important but needs to be reasonable IMHO.
Slapping a young child, or any child for that matter, is never appropriate. Smacking a bare ass, I am good with and many children could use a good spanking periodically. IMHO.
I can understand how a parent could loose it with a screaming out of control 3yo. But slapping should never happen.
When my SS was about 5 he was playing with a toy in the back seat of the car when we parked to go to lunch at a restaurant. We told him to unbuckle his car seat and get out. He ignored us repeatedly while we were standing in the parking lot waiting for him to get out of the car so I opened the back door to the car took his toy, unhooked his car seat buckle, removed him from the car, stood him in the parking lot, got in his face, poked him in the chest with my finger a couple of times, hauled him in to the restaurant in tears and had him throw his toy away at the door to the restaurant (it was a McD's happy meal toy).
When we came out after finishing lunch there was a note on the windshield of my car chastising me for "abusing" my child. If the person who left the note would have had the balls to say something to my face there would have been some mayhem in the parking lot. We were completely reasonable with my SS until he pushed it too far then he suffered the consequences for his actions. I did not hit him, slap him or even swat him on the ass. But the moron placating idiot witness decided I was an abuser. I have never punched, slapped, hit, thrown or otherwise abused my SS. Though I have spanked his ass several times.
I have disciplined him couple times when I was angry and have felt bad about it. I learned from those incidents and have never repeated them. I learned and made it a point to not discipline him when I was angry.
However, in the note incident I would have welcomed a call to CPS and would have shredded that idiot in court if they would have had to balls to actually call CPS and there likely would have been a physical altercation in the parking lot if they would have approached me with their pussy nurture the child crap. Of course we nurture our child but we also hold him accountable for his behavior and invoke consequences when he does not do as he is told. Goofing off is one thing but repeatedly testing how far he can push it was another thing altogether.
There is a fine line between abuse and effective discipline but slapping, punching, beating are always on the abuse side of the line IMHO. Spanking or other non abusive physical contact can be on the discipline side of the line if they are used sparingly and when the parent is in control of their emotions.
I absolutely agree that people should not be bashful about calling other parents on their crappy parenting. However, I think that there are far more people who should be called for NOT disciplining their children that FOR disciplining their children. I have never been out to dinner when my dinner was interrupted by a parent spanking their child. I have had far too many meals ruined by an incorrigible child who's parents ignore their kid running amok around the restaurant, screaming, yelling, complaining, etc ….. instead of dragging the kid to the restroom and lighting up some kid ass.
I am all for lighting up kid ass often and vigorously when necessary and more parents need to do it.
IMHO of course.
Best regards,
All IMHO of course.
I was fortunate I guess, no
I was fortunate I guess, no water boarding and no slaps. Mom raised her hand to slap me once when I was in my mid teens but held herself.
I did get my bare ass blistered with a belt plenty of times and in hind site, I deserved it every time.
Back in the day the schools would paddle your ass if you misbehaved at school then you would really get it when you got home. Schools would also back a kid who defended themselves when attacked. Now kids get in trouble for fighting back if they are attacked WTF is that crap? :?
I remember Mr. Peckerelli who was my science teacher in 5th and 6th grade. He would carry a big wooden paddle on his shoulder when he would monitor the halls between classes and he would light a kid's ass up if there was any crap going on. There was rarely any crap that went on at Dennison Elementary School because of Mr. P and his paddle, and the Pricipal and his paddle and, and, and.
When I was in Jr. High I got in to one fight. One kid jumped on my back in the court yard and knocked me down. His younger minion jumped on my back when I got up and I fell and ripped holes in the knees of my jeans and bloodied my knees. When I got up I punched him in the mouth, knocked out a couple of his teeth and split his bottom lip in two from his teeth to about half way to his chin. He had two flaps of bloody meat hanging on either side of his lower teeth. Then I went after the first kid who had jumped on my back. He backed off.
I was sent to the Principals office where the Principal reviewed my file and asked "who are you?. You make pretty good grades but I have never heard your name and you have never been in any trouble". I told him what happened and he chuckled and said "I guess no one will mess with you again will they". About then my dad walked in. A friend of mine had called him when I was on my way to the Priciples office. My dad was ready for battle with the Principle because he had always told me to not start a fight but not to take an shit from anyone either. Dad and the pricipal ended up talking and chuckling for about an hour. I did not get in to any trouble.
A few months later I was assaulted in the school lobby while waiting for my parents to pick me up from track practice. A 17yo 9th grade guy (I was a 14yo 8th grader) wanted me to kiss the school emblem on the floor of the lobby and I refused. He pulled a switchblade knife on me and threatened to kill me if I did not then proceeded to drag me around the room trying to get me to step on the emblem so I would have to kiss it. I resisted and he took off when the head cheerleader (the older sister of the kid who I punched) walked in to the lobby. I did not tell my parents about the knife incident for a week or so. When I did they called the school and the police. The next day I was called to the office to identify the knife guy. I looked at him through a window, nodded and the Sherrif immediately hand cuffed him, found the knife on him and hauled him off. That was the last time he was ever in Jr. High. I heard that he ended up in prison a few years later. Good riddence.
Now criminals are allowed to stay in school and good kids who stand up to the miscreant toothless dipshits get in trouble for fighting back.
We need some new paddles, teachers and administrators who have the balls to use them and we need to reward kids who kick the shit out of the criminal little crack heads who get away with criminal behavior at school.
IMHO of course.
Sorry for the meandering rant.
Best regards,
I agree with you, children
I agree with you, children NEED discipline, this no "red pencil" thing is NOT working. I train dogs, for some reason a lot of (failed) teachers decide to become "pet" trainers (I train for AKC sports...there is a HUGE difference). The teachers are pushing the no correction method....it doesn't work on dogs either. Neither does "yank and crank". Firm but effective correction does work, I'm not talking about extreme physical force either. Dogs and children are alot a like, they don't come into this world knowing what the social norms and expectations are, they need to be praise when the behavior is acceptable and corrected when the behavior is unacceptable....there is nothing wrong with that. People need to get over it or else we will end up in a society filled with little monster that think they have the right to live above the law.
I agree with you 100%, parents that DO NOT discipline their monster need to be called out first! After all, couldn't NOT disciplining the children be considered bad parenting?