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Are you kidding me

purplegirl201's picture

So on Sunday DH has to take SS10 to get sneakers I stayed home and let them have father and son time alone. They were gone about an hour and a half and I just relaxed.  

Their custody agreement clearly states that pick up and drop is at 4pm but it never is. As of 3:00 DH still hadn't heard from BM. I said have you tried to text her and he said yes I haven't heard back yet. Well he should be leaving at 3, it's an hour drive to the exchange point. I would like to plan dinner for us but cannot since drop off is up in the air. Sundays I have always tried to make a nice family dinner, SS enjoys it and I know he doesn't get that with BM, they eat a lot of fast food. But at this point we will have something quick.

At 5pm I said ANYTHING yet ? he said no. I said this is f***ing rediculous, he said what do you want me to do. I want you to do this, Call this B**** and tell her that everytime she is late in picking up and dropping off she is in CONTEMPT. You have an order that you both agreed to, tell her that at this point she can either drive to our home to get him or he will stay an extra day, But do something other than waiting for this inconsiderate B**** to tell you what works best for her. About 30 minutes later she calls to say that she is going to be about another 2 hours that her and her BF are going to look at a house. This was the first time that I heard DH loose it with her. he said 8:00 doesn't work with me, I want to watch the football game on TV and I have been putting off eating dinner he told her about being in contempt and that he would be going to her county court house in the am to file if she wasn't on her way to pick up 15 minutes. He said it's pitch black out no real etsate agent is going to show you a house in the dark. She called him back 5 minutes later and said she was on her way.

I didn't go with him, he was upset with me that I didn't but I tol him that I was getting too stressed out with all of this and it really wasn't my problem. I said I was happy that he finally said something to her other than "ok".  I said that if he had listened to me weeks ago he wouldn't be walking around ballless on the weekends waiting for his ex to decide something that should already be a given. I told him that going forward their should be NO waiting for HER to give him the time that works for her, On Friday he should text her first thing and say see you at 4 same thing on Sunday. She is unemployed so it isn't like she has to be anywhere but this is what the agreed to and they need to make it work. 



tog redux's picture

Good for you! He needs to tell BM that going forward, he will expect pick-ups and drop-offs to be on time. If she's not there at the pick-up spot, he will wait 20 minutes, then he will head back home and she can drop-off/pick-up the boy at your house.

This is the type of BM who wants to get rid of her kid for the weekend - having to drive the whole way once will make her be on time going forward.  Good job making it uncomfortable enough for him that he stood up to her.

purplegirl201's picture

Before the custody agreement she always dropped off and picked up becasue she had moved 2 hour away. Before she moved I would get SS on Fridays on my way home from work becasue it was on the way and picks ups were easier becasue she was only 15 minutes away.  After she moved she would drop off and pick up at 9 or 10 at night which sucked becasue on Sundays SS would be getting to sleep late becasue they wouldn't be getting home until 11 or 12. She is one of those people that has NO sense of time and is always only 5 minutes away when she is actually still an hour away. I am hopeful that next week goes easier. 

Cover1W's picture

DH used to jump like that as well. And the exchanges always, always happened during a meal time, either at lunch or at dinner.  BM then would complain that "they weren't fed" when they arrived to her.  Well, NO because YOU want them at 5:30!  So DH started making super early lunches or dinners.  I think BM just didn't want to deal with meals and scapegoated him.

I myself told him that they needed a more consistent, realistic exchange time and I was done helping with any of it. It soon changed for the better.  DH's once a week exchange time is now 5:30 again for YSD14. And again, I don't help. DH either has to get a take out dinner for us or rigure it out. If he's too late, I'll make dinner for myself and that's that.

Stepmama2321's picture

There shouldn't even be a need to communicate drop off/pick up schedule since they have a court agreement. The inconsistency is incredibly inconsiderate to you guys because it doesn't allow you to make any plans (for dinner or watching a game, who cares what for). My SO went through something similar where he'd text and wait for a response Thursday evening about the weekend visitation. It's annoying. Finally it's just a set schedule, although they do still communicate because pick up locations and times change slightly. But we live within 15 min driving distance so it's not as big of a deal as driving an hour each way. BM needs to get it together!

purplegirl201's picture

When it is his day to come to us she is quick on getting a time becasue she is on a hurry to get rid of him but always picks him up as late as possible whe it's time for him to go home. We shall see what this weekend brings. 

Stepmama2321's picture

Just curious what your visitation schedule is? Is it EOWe or every weekend? Either way, how is 2 full weekends away from your kid not enough time to get your party on (assuming that's why she likes to dump him off on you guys)

purplegirl201's picture

1st,2nd and 3rd weekend of each month (friday at 4 - Sunday at 4) and various holidays. We have him ALL summer from the end of shool until the weekend before the start of shool. 


Thumper's picture

Gosh I am so sorry. I remember this junk too.

It would take 1 1/2 weeks for BM to get her act together every single time for the first few years until a different court order came into play. .

Has anyone considered...BM drops child off at Dh's and DH drops child off at bm's.??? OR is there a place he can pick her up at like school THEN on return day,  bm picks up at your house or McDonalds near your house?

There are different ways to skin a cat. In the mean time---I would show UP at drop location at court order time and buy a pack of gum or ice-tea with time/date/stamp in receipt. IF she is late she is late....with enough proof dads there, moms a no show it should make the Judge find it easier to side with you about exchanges you may want.

Sorry about this. Sad trust me I know what it is like.



StepmomOC's picture

I'd have one parent drop off and the other pick up.  That way your not waiting for them to show up at a pick up point. It's so frustrating I know. 

Stepmama2321's picture

And I'd have her drop him off at your guys place and DH drop off at hers. That way there'll be no late drop offs because she's quick to get rid of him.

NeedCoffee's picture

Isn't it better for the child if there is consistency with these things? Yes, sometimes flexibility is needed, but in general, I think consistency is best. And it totally makes sense to me to do the dropoffs as suggested above. Each parent contributing equally in terms of driving time, gas, car wear and tear, and just better if you are at home waiting if someone is late. I imagine it would feel better psychologically for the child, too. It's kinda wierd to be doing exchanges in a parking lot or wherever on a regular basis, just my opinion.  In your case, if there is a court mandated time, then why is BM allowed to disrepect this on a regular basis? Good your DH said no this time and forced BM to oblige by orders. Maybe the time needs to be changed to later on Sunday evening and subsequently on Friday or whenever your time with him starts. If you like doing family dinners on Sunday, and BM keeps pushing things late, then maybe you and DH request later time on Sunday, if that works for you all, but then ask for later drop off on the other end of the stay? 

purplegirl201's picture

The time on the agreement was 3. She had issues with that so they gave her an extra hour now she is having issues with that. I don't atually believe that she is having issues with it, she is just an ignorant F*** that likes to get her own way. She needs to always feel like she has DH by the balls and that becasue she has physical possesion of the child she is boss. 

We meet at a WAWA off of the Turnpike. Going to her house for either pick up or drop off is out of the question, she is 2 hours away. It was bad enough taking that ride to go to court we aren't doing it on a weekly basis. She has one more weekend to get the time right. He knows how I feel about the whole situation and is finally getting it. She shouldn't be the one in total control of this becaue of the agreement, that is why the agreement was provided. All they have to do is follow it, NOT that difficult . 

tog redux's picture

Right. And if he leaves once and she has to drive to his house to get her free weekend, she'll be on time the next time.

Stepmama2321's picture

So it's 2 hours each way? That means the SS is in the car 8 hours, 3 weekends a month? I feel like that seems like a lot but I guess I have no clue what people in semi long distance visitation schedules do. 

Floral_SM's picture

BM never sticks to the agreed time. It is so annoying that every time my DH has to text her where the skids are to pick them up from. She never communicates to him where. It's even more frustrating when she doesn't reply for hours and we have trouble planning our day. When it's our turn for her to get them it's way past the agreed time. 

purplegirl201's picture

I can relate totally. And the worst part to me is that SS doesn't really seem to ever want to be with us unless DH is either buying him video games or giving him our cc number to buy add ons to the games he already has.

He never says "hello" or Thank You unless being told to do so which to me is totally unacceptable. 

He even told the judge when being interviewed at court that he also didn't want to be with us on his birthday he wanted to be with his mom. His birthday is in the summer and we always make a big deal of it and take him to the beach for a few days and he actually is treated like a king for a few days. Didn't realize he wasn't enjoying himself. 

Ok so next year I am still going to the beach and that will be my chiild free vactaion (which I haven't had in 4 years) and you can stay with BM. 

Floral_SM's picture

Yep I agree, look after you. SD doesn't appreciate what we do for her too. BM is definitely her favourite, as she lets her to do what she wants. I told DH if BM wants her precious daughter this Christmas (as we have them) let her take her, and we will keep SS who wants to be with us.