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Thanks yous from skids.

purpledaisies's picture

I noticed that neither of my skids said thank you to anyone. So I reminded them to say thank you and that was the right thing to do when someone gives you a gift. They all looked at me and a light bulb went over their heads and they say oh yeah thank you. LOL So I then reminded them they need to say thank you to their dad too. So off they went and told him thank you.

I think that we as parents just need to remind our kids or even skids that it is the right thing to do is to say thank you when someone gives a gift. I'm only talking about kids here. Adults should know better. But if the kid is not taught to say thank you then they never will.

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thegoodwife's picture

my s/kids NEVER say thank you to anyone including their Bio Grandma who has given them so many gifts, bailed them out of car problems. They are the only grandchildren on my DH side and have been treated like the center of the universe for so long that now as adults, they think the world owes them. I need to STOP doing anything for them because I never get thanked. I have rushed out to reorder contacts lenses for my spoiled brat SD, paid for car insurance and repairs, you name it, I AM the one who has "fixed" all problems.

The SK have problems with their mom, from time to time either the Step son or Step daughter has lived with us only to go back to psycho mom and be loyal to her. The SD is almost 18 and we cannot wait to be done with any interaction with her mom.

Over the 13 years I have been in my s/kids lives neither has EVER automatically thanked me for anything. How am I paid for my kindness to them? This Christmas they put together a collage of photos, My s/son and his girlfriend put it together to give to my MIL (my DH mom) am I in any of the photos? NO. Only my husband and his ex along with the s/kids and the new girlfriend of my s/son. My MIL hates the EX. Did not want any photos of the EX who has been the EX for 15 yrs.

I kept my hurt feelings from the S/kids for a day or two. Realizing my DH would not confront his kids about their insensitive gift to their grandma giving during OUR gift exchange at OUR home, I finally had to call the s/son's girlfriend and ask "who put together the photos and why none of me and our family".....what was her response? She was absolutely clueless. She saw nothing wrong with giving my husband's mom photos of the EX in a family collage. I asked if she was unaware of the history of my husband divorcing the EX and the bad blood between the EX and my mother in law. She said yeah she'd heard some things, even had her own screaming matches with my husband's EX but really did not see anything wrong with putting in a photo of the EX. When asked "why no photos of my husband and me as we are the current family" she said "oh I didn't have any" she called a few days before Xmas and wanted a current photo of my s/daughter to add to the collage so her reason for not including us was suspect. Finally told her she's no longer allowed in my home. I don't allow people to hurt and abuse me and continue to socialize with my DH and me in our home. She hung up the phone on me.

Sure enough, S/son calls his dad. I am the bad guy here. My DH tries to explain why the photo of his EX wife in a family collage to his mom is not acceptable. Son doesn't get it. Hangs up. S/Daughter calls, whom BTW had called my husband earlier in the day saying she once again cannot stand living with her "psycho" mom and wants to move back. S/Daughter calls me names, says I am "mean" to her brother's girlfriend. She's nothing wrong with HER mom being in a photograph collage given to her grandma who hates the EX. S/daughter starts calling her father a "deadbeat" and "how come you have not paid mom support since October" Totally a lie. My husband has records but his EX had promised the S/daughter that SHE would put the support $$ into her account has now decided not to. It was an ugly scene but I am so sick of these spoiled rotten s/kids who are now young adults.

Told my husband I no longer want anything to do with either of his kids. I am so sorry for all that I've done for them these last 13 yrs from selling my home and buying a larger one so they'd have their own bedrooms, to sharing my inheritance with them, writing them cards saying how proud I am of them. NO MORE..been there, done that, will not do it again.

purpledaisies's picture

The goodwife sorry you went through that really I am. However sounds like to me that everyone in their lives has just done for them instead of teaching them anything i.e be a parent! I mean thier parents not you.

thegoodwife's picture

You are right Purpledaisies: they have been the center of attention for way too long and now that they are young adults it is too late to teach them manners.

They are all dysfunctional. I don't want anything to do with any of them anymore. Told my husband we need counseling or we will split up. I am not one to allow people to abuse me for long. I do have self-esteem. Far as I'm concerned his kids are dead to me and I will no longer be around them ever!!

noworries's picture

I am pleased that my dh was with ss's as long as he was. They are both very well mannered. I got some many Thank You's and several post of FB. When I read post's of those that have disrespectful SK, I make sure that I thank DH, cause goodness knows they didn't get it from physco BM (she is entitled to everything)

hismineandours's picture

my ss will thank others (basically strangers, teachers, etc) but not me. I think that feels worse than if he just had no manners at all. He has manners but just chooses not to use them with me Sad

thegoodwife's picture

Yep...me too. I've been around for years. since these kids were 4, 5 they are now 18 and 19. Nothing changes. Thank You's are not automatic. However, let grandma do something and it's "Oh grammy thank you so much" and she says "oh they are the BEST two kids, so polite" HA, little A-holes, in my mind.

I feel like such a chump for all the things I've done for them. Never more!!

purpledaisies's picture

Well it sounds like that someone needs to tell their dh's that their kids are purposely not saying thank you to certain people to get it corrected. Men sometimes don't see things like that and it has to be pointed out.

thegoodwife's picture

M-E-N, sorry but most are either clueless to the way their children treat their significant other or are afraid to reprimand their kids for fear the kids will get mad at them. It's the old 'weekend, amusement park daddy" syndrome. Mom's on the other hand, have no fear and correct their kids and instill manners, kindness, etc into their children--that's IF they are functional, normal parents without issues.

I am always surprised and hurt that fathers, grandparents, aunts uncles, whomever--who would readily correct a child to say thank you to a stranger, like a ice cream shop person who served them a scoop, seem oblivious to reinforcing that same thing when it comes to daddy's new wife or girlfriend. Why does everyone think we deserve to be disrespected? What the hell did we do to deserve that kind of treatment?

Persephone's picture

I too have been around for 9 years, married for nearly 6.. and SD has yet to EVER say thank you, or even acknowledge that the gifts she receives are jointly given... I have been stewing since Christmas, well, actually, since her graduation. And for years before that... but she is an adult now, and has been taught to say thank you-- has been lectured ad nausea about being grateful.

I talked to DH about my frustration on Christmas Day and there was little reaction/interaction. It was like we both didn't want to ruin a nice day. Last night we talked about it and he supports my idea of her receiving half of a gift... my half will be a charitable donation. If she doesn't want to acknowledge me she will receive nothing from me that benefits her directly. DH said I should talk to her about this.. I said WE should talk to her about the joint gifts. I did back in June when she dissed me on the graduation gift and the party I threw for her.

So tonight we are going to talk with her about the dissing, and the fact that she got only her father a gift, that I know her father covered for her to give me a token gift, and while she received gifts from everyone in the house.. she never said thank you to anyone other than her dad (dy). If she isn't going to participate in the exchange because she is cheap (she has her own money) and thoughtless, then she needs to tell the others. DH didn't realize that she got gifts from each of her siblings. He asked, "the two little ones even got her a gift?" I said yep, they went in on a gift and used their Birthday money. Cards... it costs nothing to make a card.. the house is filled with paper, craft paper even... and enough colored pencils, crayons, glitter, glue, and scissors to supply our school district. The only thing lacking is the motivation to be thoughtful.

The other things we are going to nail her about is how she only calls when she wants something-- which also happens to coincide when we are out for the evening or on vacation. In addition, even after her father told her, thrice, that she owes me an apology, she still hasn't apologized for lying to me about the circumstances of her car accident, which put me in a bad negotiating position when I was dealing with the insurance company and the other driver. She will be told that she is the most demanding of any of the kids and she is the least deserving, and that her self-importance is ... boring. She will be informed that these conversations are obviously wasted dialogue to her and because she has taken no action to improve, I will.

Persephone's picture

Update: the talk felt good, but naturally did little to improve her behaviors-- I didn't expect an overnight miracle.

Predictably, she deflected all responsibility. She claimed to have apologized to me about the car accident foible.... and called ME a liar for forgetting that she had... (Oh, sweetheart, exactly, when did you make this apology?? The accident was on the 29th of August, you left for school on the 5th of Sept, I found out about the lie on the 9/13, and I haven't spoke to you until Thanksgiving and now Christmas--even then it was briefly because you didn't acknowledge your dad on his birthday!! ) Gifts?? She says, the family never exchanges gifts... she didn't think we would this year.... Had to remind her of the gifts she received in years past... OH yeah... well she couldn't find a gift that that three girls would like... in a MALL.. . A card?? A homemade Card?? Oh... she didn't have time for that, she was busy..

DH was a star... he nailed her for her deflecting blame, lying, and overall thoughtlessness. He cut her off when she tried to change the subject or made excuses... He even ADMITTED that he picked up my gift, she took credit for.. and she never even paid him for it. It was not until he asked for the $4.00 reimbursement that she started to cry... OMG... So the moment was ripe.. this is exactly when I said what an ingrate she is and going forward she will receive exactly half of what the other kids receive...

So with her head down, she never looked either of us in the eye.. even though we both requested her to do so, she sobbed and played out her victim role... DH, disgusted, left the room and said.. you are pathetic.. I gave her another 7 minutes to say something.. nothing.. I said Kido... you have got a lot to learn... and let the room... she left the house without saying I'm sorry, or thank you.

She couldn't even muster an I am sorry you see it that way...