Kids don't like the candy being ripped out of one hand.. even if they already have another hand full of candy.

Your STBX is panicking.. he realizes what your leaving means to him.. most likely financially.. and he doesn't like it.  

Your husband is being very disrespectful and is just making things worse. No doubt he is freaking out about handling everything solo.

So after he flipped his sh*t did he agree to back off?

I agree with what the others are saying. Your DH had a sweet gig going. You at home raising his kids while he could go hit whatever side piece he had at the time and still know he had a warm bed to come home too.

I don't think it was just his ex who was trash personally.

This kind of behavior, and the reaction to your request for boundaries, only confirms that he is still in the wrong mindset (the one that "allowed" him to be a dirtbag).

IF his concern was you, the damage he inflicted upon you and your ability to heal from the damage he inflicted on you, he wouldn't continue to disrespect and traumatize you with his nonsensical behavior.

It is still all about him.  How sorry he is.  How much he misses you.  How much he needs you.  How wrong he was.  He has betrayed you in so many ways and yet he is still concerned about what HE has lost.  He has accepted zero responsibility when he should be owning this 100%.  He is not at all concerned about what YOU lost.

Until he understands and accepts that he is a broken person he is not going to put in the hard work necessary to become a safe partner deserving of you.  It sounds like he has taken zero initiative, just desperate bandaids.  He is not a candidate for reconciliation, not like this.

Tread carefully, PA.

((Hugs))

"Well H, had you shown this kind of love and affection before, in a less chaotic way, it might have made a difference. It's too little too late now, and pretty meaningless. You didn't respect me enough before to show your appreciation, and you don't respect me now that I'm telling you to stop. You know what needs to happen for me to consider coming back, and this isn't it. This is your only warning to stop."

PAI, I know that this is hard. I know this is breaking you inside. Be straight with yourself and with him. Flowers, attention, phone calls - totally meaningless. These are actions of a person who doesn't know how to win you back, and all they want to do is WIN.

Keep doing your thing. If he keeps this up, block his number. He can find out that he has overstepped when he is served with divorce papers. You don't owe him continual clues about what the right thing is to do. You've told him what needs to happen, and I know obsessive gifts and phone calls isn't it. That part is the easy part; now let's see if he'll do the hard stuff.

Flowers, attention, phone calls - totally meaningless. These are actions of a person who doesn't know how to win you back, and all they want to do is WIN.

So much, this^^^^^

My DH told me from the very beginning that he would never send me flowers or buy me things to say that he was sorry.

Some people don't get that but I totally knew what he meant.

was dating would obsessively send her flowers after fighting.  She was child free and he had a jail bird DD as well as a demon GDS.  He was abusive and liked her for her MONEY.  He proceeded to demoralize her.  I warned her about step HELL.  She eventually broke up with him. 

This is just tap dancing after you have held a gun to his head.  The SECOND you let your guard down he will become 1,000 times WORSE.

Call the waaaaaaahm-bulance for poor wittle DH. Adulting and parenting sure are hard when you fubar'd the best thing that every happend to you - the one who handled EVERYTHING so you could (somewhat) maintain your freedom and act like a single man. Boo-fackity-hoo!

PA, those gossipers can eff right off. YOU know the truth and that is all that matters. {{{HUGS}}}

What a rude awakening he's experiencing and just think this is only the beginning.....Imagine when he has to be more consistent and actually parent and handle more responsibilities on his own regarding his life & kids....he's really going to  freak and may ramp up the obsession more. I hope he respects your wishes and gives you the time & space that you so desperately need.

Wishing you much healing!

I would be disgusted by all of this crap. He didn't take your concerns seriously before, but NOW he's trying to get CS from Psycho, and NOW he's willing to go to couples' therapy.  And he thinks obsessive pleas and flowers will get you to come back?

I'd give yourself a solid 6 mos- a year to decide what you want to do. Maybe a legal separation if that's a thing in your state.  Get a different place to live (assuming you can't stay where you are) and see how things shake out with him.  If he really wants YOU to come back and not just have a nanny, he will make changes and become a better parent and partner  If not, he will cut ties and move on to find a new nanny if he doesn't get you to come back in short order.  

LOL, it has nothing to do with calling him obsessive.  He's having a mantrum because his "too little too late" attempts to get you to come home and take care of his kids and pay his bills aren't working.  The idiot is suddenly realizing that he's driven off the goose that laid the golden egg, and that he has no idea how to parent his own kids and handle his own finances.

Take your time.  Take all the time you need to decide if going back to him is right FOR YOU.  I personally would not go back - he's a taker, a cheater, a lazy parent and a poor partner, and he put you in a situation where you were rolling around with trash.  But if you decide staying with him is the right move, at least make sure he fully understands what he's lost before you go back, so that there might be some hope that he'll appreciate you.

You have done so much for your DH's kids.  It makes me sick to think he was out having fun while you were at home with his kids...the ones he never had time to raise on his own.  If he can't respect your need for space and his first concern is how he is going to afford it all, you need to walk.  I would ghost him.  No calls, no emails, and no meet ups.  If he shows up at your work, I'd have your boss or security ask him to leave.  Let him stew in it.  I have a feeling that you will see more of his true colors as he becomes more desperate.  It will make walking away easier.

It seems to me that your DH isn't  so much sorry for what he has done.  He's sorry that you grew a backcone and left his cheating a$$.

The asshat masquerading as a Big Man is in full-blown PANIC MODE. You deserved to be treated like a Queen ALL THIS TIME. Not as a last bloody resort. 

Poooooooor butthead! PA is not there to:

• Take care of his children, including chauffeur service
• Handle his psycho ex
• Cook or clean
• Manage the bills
• Take care of the furbabies

And the cherry on top is that he now has to take time out of his oh-so-busy schedule to be a love-bombing superstalker. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

I know you love him, PA, but I would very much like to:

• freeze his bank account so he'd knock off the unnecessary spending (he'll need that money for rent/utilities)
• soak his skivvies in Liquid Heat
• plant my size 9 Harley smack-dab on the point of his tailbone (which might dislodge his head from his arse)

And last, but far from least, 

• Give him a double Flying Five Fist Monkey Nut Punch. While wearing Brass Knuckles. 

Love and hugs to you, sweetness. xoxoxo

Holy moses.

I haven't been on here in so long and I missed the separation announcement. I am so sorry PA. This kind of love-bomabing stuff is so confusing because it becomes so hard to tell if he's actually missing YOU and wants YOU back or if he's just wants you back to do all the things he doesn't want to do, including parent. I mean, you have done everything for those girls and I can't believe he's managing to do even a quarter of what you did by himself.

Ugh! I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending you hugs and support!!

PA... first and foremost find out from your atty what leaving the home means for you.

If you don't have joint children.. it may not end up being as big of a deal.. especially if you generally had an equal or semi-equal contribution financially..

People who really "lose" by leaving tend to be men that leave their family behind (kids etc).. and primary breadwinners that may be on the hook for continued spousal support.

If you jointly own your home.. he can't sell it without your permission.

If it is a joint rental.. you may still be on the hook if he refuses to pay.. so that is one thing to watch out for.

Again.. this should be a primary thing to discuss with the atty asap... I honestly feel you would be better off not having to be under the same roof with him.. too easy for him to weasel back.  He might escalate behavior if he feels his love bombing isn't working too.

But your lawyer will tell  you what is and is not in your best interest.

My (ex)DH sent flowers, gifts, cards, etc. after we separated too. Funny, he never got me gifts for our wedding anniversary or my birthday, even when I told him a token gift to mark and occasion would be nice.

And the calls and the "meetings" that I was dumb enough to engage in. Always ended up in another fight because his solution to repairing the marriage was if only I would ... The man totally didn't believe he had any role in the demise of our marriage.

Then another flower delivery showed up for me one day at work. I heard a couple of coworkers say, "Oh, no, who is going to give these to her this time?" Turns out they were from my attorney to tell me the divorce was final. Smile.

Stay strong. I'm actually laughing about this now. Distance provides such a healthy perspective.

I know it has already been covered, but this is just what toxic/abusive men do. My XH did the same. Random flowers, phone calls, text messages, "I can't afford this on my own", etc. When he found out I was dating DH, it went from love bombing to straight-up crazy. I got a few late night phone calls where he would call me a b*tch, then tell me how much he loved me.

The goal of this? To wear you down so you'll come back, but come back submissive. It only inflates their ego if you go back because of this stuff, and they can justify their crappy behavior and lack of change because you came back.

If they can't wear you down? Then they want to destroy you how they feel destroyed. The thing is, their hurt is only surface-level. If they were *truly* hurt to their core, they wouldn't have the energy to fight you. They would need to heal. But, they are angry and their pride has taken a hit, so they will pull out all the weapons and destroy you further. You'll end up in pieces while they get over it.

Block him. Ignore him. If you need to pay rent or utilities to keep yourself financially safe, then pay them without telling him. Tell your landlord that YOU specifically won't be renewing the lease. Tell the utility companies to take the utilities out of your name because you don't live there anymore. Even if you decide to go back, you can protect yourself now.