I'm the primary parent-its alot!!!!
I have been a step mom for about 4 years. My step son is 6 years old. He calls me mom. I love him and care for him. His Bio mom decided to move away at the beginning of the year 2021 to a new state. I have legal guardianship of my stepson as my husband is in the military. His bio mom was gone the majority of 2019 and with COVID 2020 I was the one who would take care him because she works with machinery and I work from home.
Most of the time I feel resentful because I never imagined to be the primary caregiver for my stepson. I have a son of my own he is 10 years old. I divorced his dad when he was 5 and we have 50/50. I understand how is to have a child 100% and not having my kid 100% after my divorce was really hard. I can't understand emotionally why Bio mom will leave. She said she wanted to live closer to her family and the city we lived in was expensive. I GET IT!!!!!!!! But I felt like i didn't have a choice. She didnt even try to fight for him. She didnt try to take him. She said it was best for him to stay with us so, she can figure life out. I'm currently 29 and she is 28. I love my step son but I feel burnt out. I don't have the natural mother instinct I have with my son. I feel guilty I don't. Sometimes I don't want to hug him all the time. Sometimes I struggle being patient. Some days are harder than others.
I also have conflicting feelings/thoughts. I want him to just love me. He still loves his bio mom and gets excited when she calls. But he didn't cry when she left. He never asks about her. She calls once a week maybe. Most recently she has decided to start playing roblox with him and so now he wants to talk to her because he wants to use the technology and play with someone. I told him only when she calls. We only have my iphone he doesn't have an ipad.
Anyways, sometimes I want to just be vulnerable and love him but I'm scare to get close to him because I feel he will never chose me even though I'm here everyday. I'm the one that plays, school, and takes care of his basic needs. I know that is my own insecurities and I'm going to therapy but these feelings dont seem to get better. I'm feeling frustrated that his bio mom goes from once a week of calling him to every day. The funny thing is that I'm the one that encouraged her to call him and play roblox with him.
She is really bad at communicating with me. She doesn't communicate with my husband either. AGAIN, I'm the one taking care of my stepson and make most of the decisions. I get frustrated she doesn't check in with me and ask me if its okay to play roblox or minecraft. I'm not gonna say no but I would feel appreciated if she would just have the courtesy to ask. She asks me once a month how everything is going. She has told me is that she doesnt worry because she hears how happy he is over the phone.
IDK I feel resentful towards her. She doesn't understand how motherhood is hard. Before I came into the picture my husband took care of my stepson for a year all by himself because she had to travel for work. He was in the NICU for his first 6 months. She doesn't pay child support. I potty trained him, I was the one that apply for elemantary schools, I was the one that had to pick her slack when she would leave for work. She literally told me that she has been busy since January settling down, sleeping, and getting things ready for when my stepson goes to visit her in the summer. She has said she wishes he could live with her but doesnt. She told me if it ever gets hard for us that we can send my stepson with her. like WTF!!!!!!
Sometimes I just wish I can tell her how much I resent her and that I don't understand her decisions.