My daughter dropped a bombshell the other day
Just when I thought things were settling down.
I haven't posted much lately.
DH and SD are still estranged so life has become somewhat peaceful. He no longer rages at me. My daughter and I went to therapy for a while. I am disengaged to the max from all toxic family members including DH.
During The Great Wedding Wars of 2013 my husband became even more insane when I refused to attend.
There was one really nasty incident that went on for hours. It happened after SD lied about me to incite a riot over here between me and my husband.
I was accused of splitting up the family. He threw everything he could at me and reviled me at the top of his lungs.
He screamed that SD was his only daughter. All this time I thought she was outside and didn't hear. I told him he'd better be glad she didn't hear him.
The problem is she did hear him. She was in her room slicing up her thighs as he screamed at me.
I was devastated when she told me. I honestly had no idea that she had done a thing like that. I thought she was just being modest in her clothing choices. (She refuses to wear swimsuits and shorts)
She swears it was only the one time and that she'll never do it again.
I have her scheduled for a complete physical. She doesn't want to go. She's afraid somehow her dad will find out and go back to being insane which could trigger her.
Thank goodness we both went to therapy. She is doing much better now.
But I'm having trouble processing this new revelation and it's killing me that I have failed her so.
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This is your step daughter?
This is your step daughter? If so, you didn't fail her, her father failed her. It seems like you are the only person looking out for her.
No. SD played let's you and
No. SD played let's you and him fight. DH yelled at me and OUR between US daughter is the one who is suffering.
I'm pretty rattled about this
I'm pretty rattled about this so my original post isn't very clear.
I am sorry, but your husband
I am sorry, but your husband should be ashamed of himself. It sounds like he needs counseling. In fact, he needs to go with your DD as well. I cannot believe some of what these men say about their own kids. How sad for your DD to have to hear her father use her as a weapon against her mother.
I would recommend you keep pushing your DD to continue counseling. My sister is a cutter. She hid it for years. Unfortunately, she would always tell herself it was only one time. But, the truth is that it can be triggered again. Stress is a major trigger. She needs to learn to deal with it effectively so she doesn't turn to that again. Your DH has a lot of apologizing to do to both you and your daughter. If it was me, this would be the final straw. I couldn't respect a man who punished our kid to make me feel bad.
I may try and get her back in
I may try and get her back in counseling again if things start to go sour again.
Counseling is our safe space though. Dad is not allowed. People who have PD or abusive tendencies contaminate the counseling process and do more harm than good.
This happened almost three
This happened almost three years ago. We were in counseling for about a year. We were both doing better and he had really settled down a lot.
I am still here because I have health issues and I'm just worn out from years of being here.
There is also not wanting to share custody or lose it. If I lose custody it will be a disaster for both of us.
We don't really argue as
We don't really argue as such. He is the screamer. I used to think I could explain or have an opinion. Nope. So I would just sit there and listen.
I quit listening to him and walk away or leave with my daughter.
He quit being abusive when he
He quit being abusive when he and SD became estranged.
He hasn't been screaming at
He hasn't been screaming at me since then.
No, he's actually been
No, he's actually been halfway reasonable for quite some time now or I would have left by now.
I don't understand why he
I don't understand why he would say such a thing? If your daughter is his daughter, why in the world would he say SD was his only daughter? I don't get it? So you and your daughter were going to counseling but NOT your DH/her father? I still don't get it. I'm blonde and possibly confused.. I did have to read this 3 times, because I thought it was your SD that was cutting.... so sorry if I'm just being dim.
He finally got to the point
He finally got to the point where everything wasn't really my fault.
It will probably be my fault again now. He will probably say she cut herself because I split up the family when I refused to attend SD wedding(his words, not mine)
He was the one who split up the family though because he didn't do the right thing and he haaaaaad to control control control.
I have studied that for a
I have studied that for a while. We discussed it in therapy. I believe this is what we're dealing with here.
It will be bad because when
It will be bad because when I'm out of the picture, SD and her train wreck of a family will be involved. SD and BM are not a good influence. BM let her minor children drink. SD is a nasty manipulator who leaves a trail of personal destruction everywhere just because she can. She likes getting people fired and whatnot.
Revisit narcissism. He will
Revisit narcissism. He will hook up with SD and her crew and the monkeys will fly. He'll start smearing and get them in on it.
It's what narcissists do.
This is a man who threatened to call cps on me because I was asleep at 11 am. I was sick in bed. If the kids needed anything they could come and get me. It's not like I was in a drug or alcohol induced coma or anything like that I was sick. The kids were old enough to know they're not supposed to sit on the stove or wander away. Things weren't even that bad then. I can't imagine what kind of things he'd cook up if I left.
"Lastly, I didn't think admin
"Lastly, I didn't think admin would let me use Ringtailed Bitch as a name."
That made my day, FruitSalad! LMAO!!!
I think the best way for your
I think the best way for your daughter to feel safe is for both of you to get out of there. He screamed he only has one daughter at you? He goes insane in a hair trigger?
How is this a good life for anyone?