I feel less and less anger and resentment as time goes on.  Most of my resentment is that DH treats SD like a royal house guest.  To me and my kids she’s house guest who’s purpose is to eat more than her share, leave messes, and create unnecessary drama, and she just.wont.leave.  Now instead of getting mad, I mostly feel sorry for her for having crappy parents, and I dream about a time when my kids are grown and I can freely choose to just leave DH and SD to their dysfunctional relationship.

So long as you are living in a dysfunctional relationship then that pain will never go away. 

The thing I’ve found helped me the most was to remind myself how toxic my thoughts were when they’d creep in. If I found myself triggered (and I’ve realized over the years that nearly anything can be a trigger) & thoughts leading to a negative/destructive place, I’d simply remind myself how toxic these thoughts were for ME.

I was literally poisoning myself with negativity, and it was making my life hell, so it had to stop. They still creep in here & there, but I’m much better at mamaging it now than I used to & my relationship with my DH has improved as a result. Not to mention how much better I feel in my own head & heart.

I don’t think you ever fully let it go though, my relationship with my husband will never be what it was, and I’ll always have a bit of a guard between us because of all the pain he’s caused me. Once trust is broken it can never be repaired to what it once was, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still have a wonderful relationship.

At the end of the day you need to realize that you’re doing it for YOU. You’re letting go of the toxic thoughts & feelings for you. No one else. You don’t need to carry that kind of burden, and YOUR life will be better once you find a way to let it go. 

You are never too old and it's never too late to start over. As long as you remain in this unhealthy, loveless "marriage", you will still feel bitter and angry.   Anyone would. 

You need to convince and believe that you are not stuck. There are always choices. 

Bitterness and resentment imply victimhood - that you have been wronged, or something has been done to you against your wishes.  They are the emotions that keep these crazy BMs engaged in making their ex's life miserable years and years after the divorce.

Whenever I feel bitter or resentful about all the drama we've endured, I remind myself that I am not a victim, I'm a volunteer.  I saw red flags about SS's behavior the first day I met him when he was 10, and I was quite aware of BM's vindictive nature before I married DH.   I choose to stay because the good outweighs the bad for me.  DH does all he can to minimize the drama and protect me from it.  He doesn't enable and coddle his son or let him manipulate him or run amok at our house.

You are choosing to stay in a loveless marriage with a man who can't/won't protect you from his kids or parent properly; that's something you have control over. Whatever barriers or fears you might have, they can be overcome.  Claim your power and find your internal locus of control.  Change what you can change and you will feel better.

This time last year I was where you are- I thought I could manage it because I could not see an alternative. Then, something in me realised that the longer I left it it the worse it would become and the harder it would be for me to leave... so I left one night without even knowing where I was going or what would happen.

Eight months since I walked out I have a home of my own, I'm earning enough money to support myself and I no longer have any self doubt because I now know I was fully justified in leaving. 

It isn't too late- don't wait for the right time...

Not going to lie, I feel bitter and resentful. Hes the best, been waiting my whole life for someone so good, his 14 1/2 year old daughter not so much, she's fat, lazy, rude, disrespectful, incompetent, she stinks and everything we do is like oil & vinegar with her, doesn't matter what it is its intentional. Been together over a year, she was living with her mom, until 6 months ago she just had to move back here with him to try to ruin this too, this isn't the first family/home she's ruined, she made a mess of her already failing mom & stepdad, now it's our turn. We could really have everything & be pretty well off if we only had 1 house but we are keeping 2 houses until she turns 18, I don't want to live with her. Wtf, I think girls should be with their moms, i believe its wrong to stick any poor man with a dumb teen girl. Tried that in the past with someone else & it couldn't have been any worse. I've gone out of my way to do things, him & I really want it to work, she is the difference between everything and not. It's really frustrating also because at that age I was getting around a lot, doing big things, I had a job, a car, and was out of the house by the time I was 15, married at 16. My boyfriend also had a job at 14 and was out of the house before 18 also. We both deserve to finally have something good. Fatty mcnuggets here won't ever get off the couch or her phone to even try to get a life. No friends houses to stay at, not getting friends that have cars to get gone, won't even go to her mom's on the weekends, get a strong feeling her mom doesn't want her either. Never seen a mom do so little. We're stuck with her all the time, constant third wheel/burden. Recently told him I don't want her at my house anymore. He showed his greatness again & does his best to keep everyone happy. I don't really have anything nice to say about her or her mom