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Goodbye to Stepfamily life for good... we are separating and i will be filing for divorce

Pinkleton's picture

Submitted by Pinkleton on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 12:33pm

I used to post here a lot under a different username, I left, then came back and lurked for a little while. 

I came to say goodbye. It's been a freaking nightmare for the past 7-8 months. We just passed our first wedding anniversary and now i'll be filing for divorce soon. I gave it my all, I tried really hard to make our marriage work.. it's not going too. There's too many factors involved to even list.

I will get the pleasure of going through a divorce during my 28th birthday. I am crushed, hurt, and dying inside.. but I also feel free at the thought of separating. 

No more fights. No more financial panic attacks. No more dreading the weekends with his kids. No more dealing with the aftermath of his fights with BM. No more being interrupted by BM calling. No more drama. 

I can honestly say, I will NEVER enter stepfamily life again. I gave it a good run, but it is just not for me.

All you stepfamily folks out there, I give you MAJOR CREDIT.

Send love, its going to be a rough couple of months!

Comments

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 12:36pm

I'm sorry.

At least you recognize that it's not working and are doing something about it, not wasting years just complaining and being unhappy.

You WILL find somebody better suited for you.

Pinkleton's picture

Submitted by Pinkleton on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 12:41pm

What does surprise me: the primary reasons I am throwing in the towel are not related to step family life.. stepfamily life is just the extra stressor that I am not willing to face again.

NoThanks's picture

Submitted by NoThanks on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 10:17pm

It actually makes sense. He wouldn’t be a shitty parent if he wasn’t a shitty person in the first place. 

Monkeysee's picture

Submitted by Monkeysee on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 12:45pm

I’m sorry for your struggles & everything you’re going through. But just as you’ve said life will be SO much more peaceful on the other side!

My DH & I were talking the other day about drama, he said he never causes drama... I said, DH, ALL of the drama we have in our lives is yours. All of it. He wanted examples, I didn’t bother. Steplife is f*cking hard, even when it’s going well. I’m glad you’re putting yourself first & getting out of there. Don’t be a stranger on here!

Pinkleton's picture

Submitted by Pinkleton on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 12:48pm

MONKEYSEE!!!!

I used to talk to you under my alter-ego and you gave a lot of support!! I hope you are doing well!

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 1:01pm

And have come to realize over and over and over again. Which is why I have stayed this long and married him. The drama is AROUND him because of ex wife, Toxic Troll. SHE has been the source of ALL drama in his life for SO MANY years, I think he just got used to it.

Im sorry OP, that you had to go through all th hurt to get to this point. It will get better with time. If you care to share more, we are here for you...to help through process.

Take care of YOU.

I too have been married 1 year. You just get TIRED. And if after all the "step junk" the person is not treating you the way you need, or they cheat or have an emotional affair with someone else, or abuse you, well its time to get rid of the albatross around your neck.

I hope to hear more of your journey.

susanm's picture

Submitted by susanm on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 12:50pm

I'm so sorry.  I know you have some rough months ahead of you but they will pass and your life will be so much better for having gone through them.  You are young enough that finding a childless man and forming a happy life together is something well within your grasp.  But please stick around for support.  There have been plenty of members who stayed during their divorce and even after.  It helps to have a sense of community whether you are posting about what is going on with separating yourself from stephell or just want to connect with a group of nice people who you don't have to worry about gossiping your business to other friends or family.  I think that is why a lot of us are here!  So please take care and don't be a stranger.

Pinkleton's picture

Submitted by Pinkleton on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 1:01pm

Honestly, I thought I'd get kicked off if I was posting about my divorce and not step family life

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 1:25pm

You sharing your choice to leave a bad step situation, and hopefully chronicling your journey post divorce, will help a lot of people see that there IS life after stepping and you DON'T have to put up with unhealthy carp.

Onward and upward!

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 2:45pm

Several women have chronicled their divorces on this site and have recieved advice and support along the way. Stay! In addition to the help you might get, others that don't post can learn from your experience.

blessedwithstress's picture

Submitted by blessedwithstress on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 12:59pm

Sending my condolences on the loss of your marriage. Good for you that you are self aware enough to make the decision before more kids got involved. You are still young and no dobut there is someone out there who will fill the hole in your heart. Take care!

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

Submitted by ChamomileTea4Me on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 1:04pm

I'm sorry to hear your marriage didn't work out and that you are facing the stress of divorce, but if it's any consolation...you are young and really do have so much to look forward to!  I divorced when I was 26.  I'm now 43 and oh my goodness I've lived A LOT since then!  Honestly, although I had my struggles and stressors as a single mom, I had some of the best experiences, most rewarding friendships/relationships, and most awesome travel of my life!  Whether you are single for a long stretch or meet an amazing man to share a new life, I wish you the best and hope you start right now living your best life.  The hurt will pass, but you are free, girl...you are free. <3

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 1:10pm

Hey, I know it's going to be rough, but really, congratulations too.  I'm really glad you're making decisions for you.  You have my full support, and i'm here if you need an ear! Sending all the support and prayers I can!

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 2:11pm

Hugs to you!! I can relate so much. All the step family crap (which is a ton) is hard enough to live with. My marriage isn’t working for me and the step stuff is just on top of that.

i married the wrong person and I really am stuck so I give you credit for getting out.

for me...the step dynamic will change over time but my marriage won’t.

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 2:25pm

You found the courage to let go of what you can’t change. It is what it is.  Accept it, learn from it and move on.  It doesn’t matter what you’ve done; what matters is what you choose to do from here.

Cheers to new beginnings and living your best life Pinkleton. It takes such bravery to do what you did and placing you 1st. Much love, peace, & happiness to you!

Dance 4

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 3:48pm

I was divorced twice by age 30

Pinkleton's picture

Submitted by Pinkleton on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 9:08pm

I am actually glad you shared this with me. “Starting over” is one of the hardest parts I’m facing. I feel like I’m not 22 to completely start over, but I’m not 40 to have set down some roots already either. I just feel so wishy washy. As crazy as it sounds, I feel like what if I don’t meet someone in time to have children with

Jeanied123's picture

Submitted by Jeanied123 on Wed, 08/14/2019 - 6:07pm

I'm sorry, I'm there too! I'm not married to him but get blamed for skids awful behavior! It's heartbreaking to deal with this but time will heal the hurt and we both will pull up our straps, be happy alone and thank God we got out! Right now it's ok to cry when you need to though, let it out and keep going!!!